Back to the Basics Please

I'm voting Republican because the U.S. has a long history of hating and despising those who speak any language other than English.

I'm voting Republican because it's better to sell corn to foreign powers than it is to use it to feed our own starving people.

I'm voting Republican because I'd rather drive a gas-guzzler and destroy the planet's ecosystems than drive an alternative-<WBR>fuel vehicle.

I'm voting Republican because I think the government has a right to use my tax dollars for any purpose it deems fit, even after it told us the taxes were going for something else.

I'm voting Republican because when we pull out of Afghanistan and Iraq, the whole world will know that we have the right to invade any country on the planet, as long as we give a good reason. It doesn't matter that we never accomplish our mission and kill thousands of our youth in the process.

I'm voting Republican because I believe that it doesn't matter about global warming because Jesus is going to Rapture us on out of here, clean up the planet, and give it back to us on a silver platter, without us having to raise a finger.

I'm voting Republican because it's all right to keep up prisoners for their entire lives without rehabilitating them. It's even better to make mothers keep unwanted babies to drive them into poverty so that we have to house their children for life in prison after they commit crimes as a result of that poverty.

I'm voting Republican because I believe businesses in America should be allowed to make profits at the expense of citizens. Businesses should get richer and richer and never give back to the society that made their wealth possible in the first place.

I'm voting Republican because I believe everyone should have guns and use them on one another whenever an individual thinks it is necessary, and with no consequences. This makes me feel safer.

I'm voting Republican because when someone with a weapon threatens my family or me, I feel safer knowing that I blew the bastard away and will get away with it, no matter the circumstances.

I'm voting Republican because oil companies' billion dollar profits are fine under the capitalist system, but government taxes on the industry to clean up the environment that the companies thoughtlessly pollutes are downright ridiculous.

I'm voting Republican because I believe three or four arch-conservatives should rewrite the Constitution to put whomever they want in the White House, not the one with the most votes.

I'm voting Republican because we call people aliens, illegal or otherwise, whenever they belong to an ethnic group different than the one we belong to. And we should vilify aliens for coming to our country to work when we make jobs so available and so irresistible to them when they live in such poverty in their own countries. We can't blame them for that, can we?

I'm voting Republican because now I can now marry whomever I want, as long as a bunch of old white men addicted to Viagra say I can.

Makes one wonder why anyone would ever vote Democratic, doesn't it?

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