There was an old gal wandering around the supermarket calling out, "Crisco,
Cri-iissssssssssco."

Soon a store clerk approached. "Ma'am, the Crisco is in aisle D."

The old lady replied, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff, I am
Calling for my husband."

"Your husband's name is Crisco?"

The old woman answered, "Oh, no, no, no. I only call him that when we're
out in public."

"Well, what do you call him when you are at home?"

"Lard ass"