There was an old gal wandering around the supermarket calling out, "Crisco, Cri-iissssssssssco."
Soon a store clerk approached. "Ma'am, the Crisco is in aisle D."
The old lady replied, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff, I am Calling for my husband."
"Your husband's name is Crisco?"
The old woman answered, "Oh, no, no, no. I only call him that when we're out in public."
"Well, what do you call him when you are at home?"
"Lard ass"
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