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and Judy that is so true im sure any of us that have lost furkidz and other family members will agree 100%,its all about time and no u dont get over it !that i know too !! |
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Well Judy, I'm so sorry for your loss.....I too have had many losses in my life and there is lots of thigs that you can say to people to help get them through their times of need. All I am trying to say and do is that now that I have been apointed to this comitee I will try to help, even if it only with some kind words......I have the gift of the Lord in me and he gives me the strength and knowledge to make someone feel a bit better.......time does heal all but so does talking about things........I'm sorry if I offended anyone, just trying to help! |
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Sometimes just lending an ear and talking will help lessen your grief and that is what Meg is offering to do. Each of us deal with the loss of a person or animal in a different way and I'm sure she's going to be a big help in this department. Carol |
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Judy don't you try and make the person feel better by giving your condolences? That may not take away the pain but it does make the person feel better to know someone understands what they are going through. Carol |
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ohhhhhhh thankyouuuuuuuuuu Carol i cannot !!!!stand when people pretend i havent had the loss !!!!such as make no acknowledgement!!even a simple how r you doin makes me feel tons better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!and i know thats what i keep in my mind when i deal with grieving people.in fact its people that dont acknowledge got to me when my mom passed a few yrs back that it drove me to a bereivement group to understand why people behave in those ways.............. |
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Gail I think people don't mention loss because they don't know how the other person will react. Each condolence reminds a person of their loss and brings the grief to the surface again. To some it's a way of dealing with the pain and they are able to find a closure by remembering everything they can about that person or pet. Unfortunately not everyone can handle loss that way, some keep busy and try to keep their mind off of that loss and hope with time it won't hurt as much. Carol |
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yes i lernt that at my bereivement group but it still bothers me when people behave that way and after my losses yes i understand everyone is different in their griefing too i am finding my dads loss quite different from my moms,but i try to keep busy and to be positive but its still hard and i give my self permission to feel what i need with out being judged so i see that as strength and it works for me!!! |
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The best way to deal with loss is whatever works for you. I have trouble keeping the person or pet off my mind so I stay busy, the worst is at night when everything is done and I lay down hoping to sleep. We were having some very cold nights when I lost Izzy years ago and we had him buried right outside the window where I was sleeping at the time. This sounds ridiculous now but at the time all I could think of was keeping him warm. I knew he was dead and didn't feel a thing but I just couldn't stop taking care of him. It seems Izzy took more than a good part of my heart when he left, he also took my common sense. Fred stopped me from covering the ground over his grave with a blanket but didn't object when I slept on the couch so I could be closer to Izzy for the first week. Poor Sara is waiting in the boat in our back yard for the ground to melt, at the moment everything is frozen solid. Carol |
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Awww its so tuff to loose our loved ones may it be skin or fur, ive often wandered what everyone does in the cold of winter ,i know here the ground is frozen for mths,im goin to cremate Zoe and id like to with Chaos as well , id like to have their ashes in urns in my bedroom so there always near me!!!ya know Carol with my other dog i swear for yrs i could here her bark even though she was gone,and also ive been meaning to send you hugs on the loss of Sara,she sure lived a long life now shes dooking happily away for ever!!!!and gathering all the goodies her lil heart desires!!! |
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| shoot i'm still tring to get over scooter butt an he did 5 years ago but it was tramatic for him and me! will never go back to that vet and never have! so if time heals the wounds left in the heart i'm still waiting! and it doesn't get easier either ! waiting for clara to go any time now! i'm just hoping it isn't another case of one goes then a couple months the other does. been a pattern here so far! scooter butt 7/27/02, killer 12/27/02. then sugar and a few months later peter. now it's clara with felix left after that. | | | |
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Vivian some losses we never get over especially if it was a traumatic death, it scars you for life. Since your above post you have now lost Clara and Felix so I can only imagine what you're going through now. Carol |
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Hi everyone. I had to put my beautiful Rascal to sleep on March 22. It was a decision I made quickly as he lay screaming at the vet's. I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do, but it just broke my heart to lose him. He was such a beautiful ferret, and very loving. The vet and the techs were wonderful to me. The vet hugged me and told me what a wonderful "parent" I'd been. She let me stay as long as I needed to to hold him and say good-bye. (A few days later she sent a sympathy card and had made a donation in Rascal's memory to the Morris Foundation.) The autopsy showed what the x-rays could not - that he was full of cancer and the medications we had him on had become ineffective. I had Rascal cremated, and his ashes are in a beautiful urn next to the ashes of my beloved basset hound Ziggy, who I also had to put down last year because of cancer. It was a rough year..... So, after losing Rascal, I turned to this web site to help me cope with his loss, but I just couldn't put it into words. Even as I write this now, I'm in tears, but I know you all will understand. Finally, I'm ready to share. Liz |
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Liz I'm so sorry you had to say goodbye to Rascal. As bad as it sounds sometimes it's easier finding out our baby passed in it's sleep because that removes the heart wrenching decision we make to help them pass at the vets. You did the only thing you could when there was no hope of recovery and your baby was in agony, you took away Rascal's suffering even though the thought of losing him brought you pain. This was your final act of love and the greatest gift of all. Treasure the moments you spent together, even though he's not running around the house, he's no farther away than your heart. Carol |
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I have lost a lot of ferrets. I have a ritual. I take care of my precious' body and keep a locket of hair. Then I get a box of puffs, crawl into bed and then ball my eyes out until I cannot anymore or I fall asleep. I love this poem I brought you home, so sweet and small,
and gave you the greatest gift of all
The Gift of Love I gave to you.
Lots of food, and yummy treats too,
a bed and plenty of blankets for you
The Gift of Security I gave to you.
We danced, we dooked, we played a ton,
together we had so much fun
The Gift of Friendship I gave to you.
Years went by, they go so fast,
you were afraid my interest wouldn't last
The Gift of Time I gave to you.
We had some troubles over the years,
we went to vets and sent up prayers
The Gift of Health I gave to you.
Tougher battles we had to fight,
I picked you up and held you tight
The Gift of Comfort I gave to you.
In your eyes I see the hurt,
your little body so inert
The final gift so hard to give.
But because I love you so,
I have this final gift to bestow
My precious gift I'll let you go.
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language=JavaScript>
</SCRIPT> Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone, Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone, Silence the pianos and with muffled drum Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come. Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead. Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves, Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves. He was my North, my South, my East and West, My working week and my Sunday rest, My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song; I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong. The stars are not wanted now; put out every one, Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun, Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods; For nothing now can ever come to any good. -- W.H. Auden |
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