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From: MasterGunner  (Original Message)Sent: 10/11/2004 8:56 PM
Over time, I have picked-up some classic funnies from UK and Australian sources (the year 2000 seems to have been a banner year).  So without further introduction I present to you (in this order): (1) Running Radar, (2) Things Falling Off Aircraft, and (3) Deadman File.  Seriously, folks, you can't make things like this up!
 
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RUNNING RADAR
 

Item in Berwickshire Gazette [<st1:country-region><st1:place>England</st1:place></st1:country-region>] - 2000<o:p></o:p>

<o:p> </o:p>

“A report has revealed that two traffic patrol officers from <st1:place>North  Berwick</st1:place> were involved in an unusual incident whilst checking for  speeding motorists on the A1 road between Oldhamstocks and  Grantshouse.  Last May, they were using a hand-held radar device to trap unwary motorists on the <st1:City><st1:place>Edinburgh-to-London</st1:place></st1:City> trunk road.  One of the unnamed officers used the device to check the speed of an approaching vehicle, and was surprised to find that his target had registered a speed in excess of 300 miles per hour.  The £5,000 machine then seized up and could not be re-set by the bemused police constables.�?lt;o:p></o:p>

<o:p> </o:p>

“The radar had in fact latched on to a NATO Tornado aircraft in the <st1:place>North Sea</st1:place>, which was taking part in a simulated low-flying exercise over the Borders and <st1:place>Southern Scotland</st1:place>.�?lt;o:p></o:p>

<o:p> </o:p>

“Following a complaint by Sir William Sutherland, Chief Constable of the Lothian and Borders Police force to the RAF liaison office, it was revealed that the officers had a lucky escape.  The tactical computer aboard the aircraft not only detected and jammed the "hostile" radar equipment, but had automatically armed an air-to-ground high-speed antiradiation missile (HARM).  The computer was ready to neutralize the perceived threat.  Luckily, the Dutch pilot was alerted to the missile status and was able to override the automatic protection system before missile launch.  The Police have so far declined to comment, although it is understood that officers will be advised to point their radar guns inland in the future.�?/FONT>

 

THINGS FALLING OFF AIRCRAFT (TFOA) - 2000

 

A while back, an RAF Tornado flying over the <st1:place>North Sea</st1:place> almost got a police car running radar on the London-Edinburgh road with a high-speed anti-radiation missile (HARM).  Well, it seems that they have counterparts in the Royal Australian Air Force.<o:p></o:p>

<o:p> </o:p>

According to the Australian Associated Press (August 4th):<o:p></o:p>

<o:p> </o:p>

Last night (August 3rd) an RAAF F/A-18 Hornet dropped a 12-foot long, 565-pound AIM-7 "Sparrow" missile on a Toyota LandCruiser while landing at RAAF Base Darwin.  The F/A-18 was returning to base from a joint British-Australian-Singaporean exercise, "Operation Pitch Black".  The AIM-7 was an inert training missile.<o:p></o:p>

<o:p> </o:p>

Tony Travers was preparing to cook his dinner at Datto's panel beaters in Berrima when the missile fell just 33 feet away from him, crushing the Land Cruiser sport utility.<o:p></o:p>

"It was like a huge thunderclap," Mr. Travers told ABC radio.  "I rang the police and the RAAF and that, and then made my sausage sanger (sandwich)."  <o:p></o:p>

<o:p> </o:p>

"Then I went outside and had a look around and they eventually rang back and said they had lost a missile."<o:p></o:p>

<o:p> </o:p>

Travers said the Land Cruiser, belonging to the landlord Basil Roe was "absolutely, totally decimated."  "It was being restored but it's a bit past that stage now," said Travers.<o:p></o:p>

<o:p> </o:p>

"I've never seen anything like it in my life, mate," Mr. Roe told Sky News describing the remains of his car.  "The whole engine and everything is just blown to pieces."<o:p></o:p>

<o:p> </o:p>

Air Commodore David Dunlop, RAAF exercise commander for "Operation Pitch Black" said the incident, which occurred as the aircraft was making its landing approach to RAAFB Darwin about 2110, was of great concern.  Commodore Dunlop said the RAAF's safety team was examining the aircraft and had cordoned off the crushed Land Cruiser to preserve all the evidence.<o:p></o:p>

 

DEADMAN FILE

 

Dead Man Warned He Will Lose Council Benefits

BBC News, July 13, 2000<o:p></o:p>

<o:p> </o:p>

A London council has written to a man telling him his council tax benefit was being stopped because he was dead.

<o:p> </o:p>

Lambeth Borough Council’s benefits department sent the letter to William Reynolds, who died in April from cancer, two weeks ago.<o:p></o:p>

<o:p> </o:p>

It said his benefit was being stopped because of his death and urged him to contact a hotline if he wanted to contest the decision.<o:p></o:p>

<o:p> </o:p>

The council has condemned the actions of its housing benefit contractor, Capita Business Services, and demanded an overhaul of the company’s entire system to avoid a repeat of the incident.<o:p></o:p>

<o:p> </o:p>

The letter was opened by Christine Allery who moved into Mr. Reynolds�?flat in West Norwood, South London, last month.<o:p></o:p>

<o:p> </o:p>

It read: “Your Council Tax Benefit has been stopped from 17 April 2000 because there has been a change in your circumstances, the change is because you are dead.�?lt;o:p></o:p>

<o:p> </o:p>

Council leader Tony Franklin said it was an indefensible error.<o:p></o:p>

<o:p> </o:p>

“We are demanding that Capita overhauls its systems immediately to ensure that such a form of words never appears again, even on internal documentation,�?he said.<o:p></o:p>

 



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