Hi moonie sis. 

 

I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in how you feel.  I have been where you are and to my amazement, i find myself there once again.  Navigating one's way along the path of submission can be oftentimes confusing and discouraging.  I find this to be true for myself.  I have learned that most of my submissive friends seek fundamentally the same things along our path: love and that true and honest connection with the "One" they will call Master or Mistress.  But finding the "One", especially online can be a very daunting journey.  And it is all to easy to get lost along the way.

 

It is true, there are people out there who for whatever reason, dont seek the emotional connection you do.  What some of them want is a play partner or to play at being Dominant, but if you really look closely you would see they are not.  I struggle too sis.  I struggle between the need for that emotional connection and the need to feel the pleasures that come with this lifestyle.  Finding both in a D/s relationship is hard.  The only thing i come up with is to remember i have to remain true to myself.  I have to find a way to control myself and take the time to get to know someone.  Otherwise i will walk away from that experience feeling like an object, and not a person.   I will hate myself and start to question all apsects of this lifestyle.  I will doubt my own goodness and worth and the feeling of disallusionment will take hold.

 

But i have to ask or rather remind myself ... why am i here?  Whatever you call this: a lifestyle, an interest ... we are drawn together talking about the things that we believe in and hold dear.  For me, calling myself a submissive gave me a sense of identity i did not have before.  It explained so much of what i am and what i seek in life.  My desire to give myself to another is strong, but through this lifestyle i have learned that the i have to believe in my own worth first and not look to a Dominant to provide that for me.  Because if for some reason that relationship fails i am still left with me, and the worth i felt for myself leaves with Him.  And i am left an empty shell in danger of falling into the arms of lesser men that only seek to use for me their own selfish purposes.

 

I cant allow that to happen.  And i know how easy it is to let that happen.  The desire to be loved and understood and cherished by someone special can be so great.  We all want to been seen for the wonderful people we are.  To be appreciated and loved.  That is a fundamental human need AND right that goes beyond the D/s lifestyle.  Whether it is D/s or Nilla, we have to love and respect ourselves in any relationship we enter into.  This is something i am working on myself. 

 

I am now without a Dominant in my life.  The relationhip i was in failed because deep down i was uncertain of who i was and what i truly wanted and needed.  I still have needs and desires.  But i also know, or rather have to believe, those needs and desires will be fullfilled by the right person.  But it takes time.  Intuitively, i know that the need to be controlled or spanked or tied up is not the true needs this submissive has.  They are empty actions without the love and respect of the Dominant who is doing these things with you.  I have learned that any man claiming to be a Dom can tell you what to do, how to dress, and even humiliate you if that is what you crave, BUT that is not real submission.  At least not in my opinion.  And that is why when any of us settle for less, we walk away feeling used and discouraged; because we are missing that emotional connection.

 

I will not profess that i have figured anything out.  But i think when i search deep inside i can see things clearer.  I know that i have to keep working on me, making myself a better person, being faithful to my friendships and helping anyone who is in need.  I got away from that sis, so now i am trying to get back to where i was.  I love you sis and i am so sorry you are struggling right now.  But think of how many times you have helped me.  I admire you immensley because you are a woman of principle and courage.  That is what you bring to the table in any relationship, and someday you will meet a Dominant who will be blown away by those qualities and treat you like the treasure you are.

 

Dont lose faith and NEVER doubt your worth.  Know i am always here for you and will listen whenever you need to talk. 

 

 

No, you are NOT being unreasonable, moonie!!!  It is them being unreasonable, if the Doms think we are only 2 dimensional.... We DO have a life outside of D/s and BDSM...... WE have other interests that we like to cultivate, to express our personality.....

 

If that is  the way they really ae, sis, then they are pretty boring, and quite frankly, not real smart......... This- BDSM and D/s- is just a small portion of who we are, and what we do.. . To be seen as just a submissive????  I would think the Dominants would want us to realize that They have other things to do as well... Are they not parents and artitsts, or athletes as well?? Maybe muscians, teachers, etc??

 

Would THEY want to be labeled as only Dominants??  i highly doubt it....

Sooooooooo.... What makes it right for US, or YOU, to be seen as JUST a submissive, hmmm????

 

 

Always your smart- mouthed, but direct sister,

 

soul

i think that a Dom/Master should spend time getting to know you as a PERSON first....  not jump right into....do you do scat???  anal??? what are you wearing right now??? and all that other stuff.....

 

a Dom/Master should know you as a person and as a friend before he ever asks such personal questions... 

 

any Dom/Master who doesn't want to get to know you, is not worthing knowing....

 

yes, you deserve to be treated as a human being and not as a piece of meat that loves to get beaten....

 

if they start out treating you like that....i can imagine that things would only get worse......

 

yes it is important to find someone who likes the same BDSM activities as you do and has about the same morals and values as you do (so that limits are not really necessary)...but there is more to it in making a great relationship....

 

hugs,

jamesgirl