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General : A critique of chatrooms
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 Message 1 of 8 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameIronside-Silverback  (Original Message)Sent: 10/20/2006 9:12 PM
I have gone into chatrooms lately and left angry. I usually vent my superficial frustration with a friend. and usualy feel better. But I will have the same nagging resentment. I am not getting what I need from a room and a community.

I have reasonable expectations. I not only expect to be greeted, I expect that someone will offer to serve me. at least a drink, or some company. I do not expect a scene onmy behalf. But someone coming up and at least offering me a cup of coffee is what I deserve.

I either do not have enough manners or presence to be allowed in a room, and should be bounced, or I am welcome and I am owed some communication beyond "Greetings SB."

Lately the rooms I have been in have been places for Doms to show off their property. We are all vain as hell. It is to be expected.

But I should never have to ask to be served, and I am required to do that because nobody up front offers to serve me a beer. I would not return to a bar or restaurant that ignored me. But I do ask, (idiot that I am) and I get ignored or resused. Meanwhile the room is full of gushing, gigling, and blushing.

If someone hosts a room, I would expect from him her or them some measure of hospitality. On the other side, if a gyest steps out of line, I would expect them to be ejected.

A chat room is an online public house first. It is only secondarily a classroom, or a group counseling session.

Silverback


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 Message 2 of 8 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameKahlana_tarotSent: 6/1/2007 11:14 AM
Not to provoke an argument Sir but i would like to try to understand why You feel You deserve service from a submissive who is not Your own? As an owned submissive i do offer my respect to A/all who are deserving of it but my service is reserved for He who owns my collar.
Are these rooms You are going to Gorean Sir? That is understandable if they are then as i do understand the slaves are expected to serve All Free or they have at least designated slaves for service in Homes and such. In which case if there are designated slaves for the service of All then i would recommend taking it up with the Home owner. But if these are just D/s chatrooms with no particular emphasis then if You would be so kind as to explain what You mean it would be most helpful to this girl in particular.
Perhaps i am missing the point of Your post Sir but what i understand You to be saying is that because Your nick is capped indicating that You are a Dominant someone should be hustling her lil submissive hiney over to attend to You. If that is the case Sir, then may i remind You most humbly that just because One's nic is capped does not automatically make Them worthy of a submissive's service.
Just wondering is all Sir and i hope i didnt offend with my questions.

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 Message 3 of 8 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamešøû£Sent: 6/3/2007 1:50 AM
Sir, i mean no disrespect to You, but i don't think  it is right for You to expect to be served, either, unless as kat said, You are in a Gorean Home. i can understand their take on things. (don't necessarily agree with  a lot of it, but i do have respect for those of Gor, and have had a bit of time in it).
 
To me, serving a Dom to me is a special thing. i serve the Ones that i  know, that i respect, or wish to get to know a lil more, as They are interesting to me, and it can be a way to talk to Them and know Them a little more. If i asked to serve every Dominant that came in, then to me, the value of the serve is lost, it doesn't stand out. When i serve, it is my way of showing that Dominant extra respect in front of Many, that in this one's view, He is special, and i want Him to feel that.
 
i can't serve a Dom i don't know, for i don't know His likes, and therefore, can't add those special touches in the serve that show that i remember Him, that make the serve customized. i can't serve a Dom i don't know just like that. That isn't my way. Serves should have more meaning, to my way of thinking.  That's just me *shrugs*
 
There are at this time, after having been in Phreik  for over 8 months,  perhaps 4 or 5 Doms only, that i would like to serve. That is becasue to me, They have earned respect, carry Themselves well, and act with integrity.i also like the fact that i have seen Them in some debates on certain topics, and admire that They can back up a lot of Their views with facts..
 
i do not disrespect You, Sir, but neither do i think that it is fair for You to expect to be served the minute You  enter, either. To me, that is taking  us for granted. The only One that i would serve automatically when He came in, would be the One that collars me.
 
Any uncollared submissive can serve a drink to whom she wishes. To me, i don't think  it is respectful of any Dom to expect to be served by an uncollared sub. They should respect the subs' right to choose and trying to see whom she thinks is worthy of the title of Dominant or not.
 
i try to treat a Dom politely, and feel i have the right to be treated the same way.
 
i will serve Those i have come to know and like and admire, respect, over a period of time. How They carry Themselves will tell me whether i may like to get somehting for them right away upon entrance, or not
 
i do not mean to upset You Sir, but i do not agree with Your viewpoint. Yes, You call Yourself a Dominant. However, a Dominant would not take for granted His position, but remembers that respect is earned, and expecting some things could be construed as taking another, or others, for granted.
 
i have tried to word this as best as i could without offending, although i know it isn't always possible to mollify everyone. i won't apologize for my view, Ironside Sir, but i don't think You should expect to be served just becasue You enter the room.
 
not all submissives and slaves will ask " How high?" when another says "Jump"......To me, i wait and see if a person's actions match their words. Some  people's actions- an i am being very general here- speak volumes of their character, and not in a good way, either.
 
i am probably perceived as being bossy, and yes, i admit i can be. i also can be very submissive in mind and spirit, in action, when i feel there is One that has a commanding  presence, yet carries Him or Herself well, is strong willed and minded, and acts with integrity. To me, they are the Ones that don't expect to be served just becasue they are of a Dominant role. Thinking One should have something  automatically just because, can backfire real quick.
 
i do not treat a person this way or that just because He or She is called a Dominant. There are quite a few in my opinion, who do not deserve that title. If i am too picky because i watch and see how One acts with other Dominants and subs and slaves, oh well. i can live with that.
 
Even if it's a drink. asking to serve it, tells a Dominant, Hey, i have noticed You, i think You are special, and want Your attention'.. .The Ones a girl would like to serve and would truly like to have His/Her approval of, i do not think would just rush to get something. It sounds desperate almost at times..
 
Sir, if a girl were to serve You, even if it were something as simple as coffee- would You not wish her to know how You liked it, maybe even, the type of cup, or flavoring, or blend, etc, and do it in a way that shows that she has put some thought into it, as opposed to " Goes to the kitchen and pours Sir a cup of coffee, and brings it out to Him" ????
 
That kind of serve sounds lazy and common, not unique or special at all. In fact, it makes me cringe... If this one does a serve for anyone, it will be detailed, and will show some thoughtfulness. If it's for a particular Dominant, , He will know that this girl has done some homework , and put forth a lil extra effort to  show it so that He can see it [her getting the things together] clearly, and see too, that she remembered  His customized preferences for certain things. THAT to me, tells Him that i think highly of Him, that i want to please Him, that i find Him worthy of serving.
 
It's one of the main reasons why i don't do many serves.  The Ones i would like to do a serve for are either no longer on here or have different schedules, or are taken. i don't mess with the Ones that are already taken .
 
Titles are nice, but that is all "Dominant" is... a title. A noun....A person's character, is what makes "Dominant" a living entity.
 
 
soul
 
 

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 Message 4 of 8 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknamesiouxmoonwalkerSent: 6/21/2007 12:57 AM
Oh Boy,
 
there isnt actually anything much i can add that hasnt already been said by my sisters....
 
i find it fascinating that some Dominants expect to be served and i ask myself why..... jeeeeeeeeesh its not real life - its words on a screen for the most part with little or no real time connection. If i was being considered or considering a Dominant then i may serve Him/Her online to show my capabilities. 
 
However:
 
if i choose to do an online serve it is for the same reasons as soul - i am not Gor, i do not have to serve Anyone..... i like to serve real time Those i am owned by and / or Those i trust and respect and i can do it well.
 
i dont feel i have anything to prove online
 
so with all due respect dont expect and just maybe You will get served.

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The number of members that recommended this message. 0 recommendations  Message 5 of 8 in Discussion 
Sent: 7/4/2007 6:33 PM
This message has been deleted by the author.

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 Message 6 of 8 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nickname∂σηη�?/nobr>Sent: 7/24/2007 5:53 PM
Hello Silverback,
 
In response to your post, the reasons for hosts (I assume you mean submissive hosts) not greeting guests with offers to serve drinks are varied and shared by both dominants and submissives alike. The act of serving a drink means different things to different people and is in no way meant as any lack of regard for you or anyone else.
 
For some it is an act of submission to be reserved for one's dominant partner or one with whom they are engaged in a scene. 
 
Some view these serves as a form of flirting or a prelude to a scene, which is understandable as many scenes develop in this way. Because of this view, the unsolicited offers of servitude from a submissive are seen as bold and in violation of protocol.
Others, such as myself,  see it as a simple act of courtesy, one I extend to both dominants and submissives alike, from time to time.  However, I believe I am always courteous and when I am of a mind (and not engaged in too many private conversations) I occasionally place a refreshment cart against a nearby wall and encourage guests to feel welcome to help themselves at their leisure.
 
I hope this response helps you feel more welcome, Silverback.  I look forward to crossing pathes again.
 
Warmest regards,
 
Donna

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 Message 7 of 8 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nickname∂σηη�?/nobr>Sent: 7/24/2007 5:58 PM
Me again...I would also add that I concur with siouxmoonwalker about it being merely a chat room and try not to take things too seriously. Savour the good and dismiss the bad.
 
Donna

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 Message 8 of 8 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknamejamesgirlllSent: 9/16/2007 11:02 AM
a chatroom is what the owner of the chatroom decides it will be..and that may be a learning place or a scening place or whatever...  it is not a public house...whatever that might be....or a restuarant....
 
i am owned in real life and besides not being allowed to serve other men... i wouldn't do it anyway... out of respect for my Master....  i serve only one....
 
but even an unowned sub/slave is not required to serve you......
 
i think you are taking the whole thing a bit too seriously as it isn't like in a restuarant or a bar where you can get a real drink..... its a cyber drink...
 
respect has to be earned.. i am sure many would call you Sir if you won them over by your actions....  but a submissive or slave isn't required to call everyone Sir..
 
but there are exceptions.....to this...
 
Gorean Chatrooms...where the women are typically expected to serve others....
 
jamesgirl

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