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Dear Heart.
A long time since we have spoken, you and I. There once was a time you inspired me to write poetry, now you are all but lost to me. We used to enjoy each others company, now you have moved on. There once was a time we would soar the clouds together, create dreams and fantasies. There was a time we laughed together, cried together and sang together. We spoke of the future and wrote letters to last the ages. The first time you heard my voice it was a recording you listened to when things were hard. What happened to the tme when all we needed was each other?
I still smile you know. When I think of wedding bells and a humble home. Was the white picket fence my idea or yours? What color was the door supposed to be? Seems without you I no longer care. I remember what I wanted the first born sons name was to be should we be blessed with one, now I dont even know if I would want children if your not the mother. I promised to quit smoking for you, a promise I gave up once you left.
I have changed you know? The best of me you loved I have kept, I needed to. If ever comes a time when I am able to win you back, I will need that part of me. I remember my faults though, I am conquering them now. I remember your desires too, I am creating them as well. When the time comes that we are reunited, I will make saying good bye to me the hardest thing you will ever have to do. I know you are with someone else now, even that he wishes to meet me. His wish will be granted and if he tells me to leave and not say hello, I will. But I will tell you about it and I know you will be furious. That is when you will give me permission to come anyway.
Cruel I must be to plant that seed, the seed of hate which is the rip to let me closer. Part of me hopes he will say yes to letting me say hello though. Then I can see your happiness together, if I see that I hope I can let you be happy. At least I hope I can. There once was a time you couldn't imagine happiness without me, I want to show you I can be the happiness you crave. Though I wasn't there for you once, I will never let that happen again. I will always be there for you, no excuses. First though the flames must be fanned, for then I will be part of your life once more and I would have shown that I am not going to leave a second time.
Long ago the hate set in for not being able to be there for you on that day. The day is not over though. I see often that you still need me, behind those twinkled eyes when you smile I see the sorrow and caged dreams. You settled for less than you are worth, I know I am not as much as you should get... But I still gave you a happiness you believed only existed in fairy tales. Now you are claiming reality and a happiness you see other couples have. You are not evil by having a greater happiness you know. So we were lucky to find each other, perhaps others did or do deserve it more than we do. But it was us who were given the chance, and now your going to throw it away?
I wont believe it.
Prove to me your happiness and I will be gone, your life will be well lived and I will be happy.
Show me your sadness and ask for what we had to come again, and I will show you the true happiness that is found in love. Before was a bad dream compared to what I can give.
There is still a love unknown to you. The three loves are the temptuous sea, the lustuous moon and the strongest oak. I have been your sea as you were mine. We were also the moon, our voices alone were enough to stir more than we could handle. Now I will add the oak, the one you can count on no matter what. The one that will show you a lov and devotion so strong you will not waver for fear of the roots being dug u, where the tree is weakest.
Give me this chance and you will have all three in one. You will have your dream home, dream wedding and perfect guy. Perhaps if anything the looks on my part will be missing, but you always seemed to like my looks. Strange to me as it was. We were unfinished you and I. You said so yourself. You still say so yourself. The reason you dont speak to me if you can help it is the surfacing of emotions you thought dead and buried.
How is it everytime we speak your heart still flutters.
Nearly a year since we last spoke. Nearly the time to see how much love can stand. When this final test comes your way, you will either be the furthest from me you have ever been, or realize you are as close as you ever was.
The choice will be yours and I will show nothing more than friendship.
Let me see now, what your heart really wants. And when you know the truth yourself, let it be known fast and do not coat it with delicacy. For if it's me or if it's not. The last battle of love is about to begin, and this will win or lose, the war that began the day we met.
Forever Yours.
Lost One. |
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