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my son daniel is 18 years old going on 19. he is a very sad and lonely boy since the passing of his grandmother 3 years ago. can anyone please help me help him so that everytime he goes out he doesn't get his beautiful face smashed up and get so hurt. i know that when he drinks he has a terrible mouth (he knows this as well) but it's as if he feels that he deserves to be punished and hurt. he is such a beautiful person but i don't understand why this is all happening to him. any advice or guidence would be so much appreciated God bless to all from angeleyes xxx |
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Angeleyes, I'm sorry to hear this. My condolences on your loss. There is nothing harder than seeing your child in pain and not knowing how to help them. The way things are in this world right now makes it extremely difficult for our children to grown happy and healthy, pressures, confidence taken away from them by other's on and on. I've seen what you are expereincing and how it affects these kids, my daughter for years has been bringing home friends that were 'lost no where to go", tagged as Bad Kids, Losers, when all they needed was to know someone cared and saw they were worth listening too. These kids are her best friends, 4 guys in particular have the same problem as your son, issues they can't or don't know how to deal with that are just too painful manifesting when they are not themselves expecially by drinking. I will ask her to reply to you with some support and ideas for your son, she has dealt with her friends first hand for years and has learned a lot in this regard, she has also taken a child and youthcare college course which thus far she has mostly used on her friends. She has an innate understanding of someone with these problems. Talk to you again soon |
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Angeleyes, sorry I didn't realize this was on the reading board, but member's can help you through this discussion with insight and support. You can also Repost this to anyone of the Reader's listed on the sidebar for a specific reading regarding this. |
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thank you for repling back, i agree with you that there is some depression there but until he asks me for help i can't really do much more than be there for him in any way that i can. again thankyou for your kind words, God bless from angeleyes xxx |
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thankyou for your kindness, as being new i'm still not sure how to find me way around the group yet, so please be patient with me if i put things in where i shouldn't ( i apoligize in advance). i thought that i might get a message from his grandmother for him so that in some way he would know that because she is gone physically does not mean that she has left him for good. so if i can i will try putting the first message into the proper thing, again i send my apoligies and thankyou for your reply and welcoming me to this group. much love and light to you from angeleyes xxx |
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Angeleyes, Don't apologize for posting on the wrong board it's okay. We'll find your messages whereever you put them. Go ahead and post as you like, we want you to feel comfortable here, just be yourself as you have shown by your posts. Any questions don't be afraid to ask there is always someone here that can help you. I have seen your message about your son and his grandmother, I will see if I can connect with her for him and post on that message if I'm able. As will the other's here. |
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AngelEyes... Sorry about your loss it can be such a hard thing on anyone too lose someone they care about... Right now it sounds like your son is trying to repress alot of feelings of sadness, confusion, frustration, anger... and its like a bottle that just keeps building up pressure and this can be a common defense mechanism when it comes too something traumatic ezpecially the loss of a loved one. I can relate to this all to well I tend to bottle things up and when things get harder the more i bottle up. I have learned through the years that i do have people who will listen and support me. Thats a huge thing your son needs right now is support and he needs to hear it from you how much it hurts you too see him following the path he is... Just reinforce that when he does want to talk to you, you wont be judgemental or come down on him for his decisions because if you lecture or push him you will push him away and it wont help any. Also he is 18 going on 19 so he has to make the decision for himself and admit too himself that he has a problem and only HE can take the first steps to fixing them.... he needs to understand that with his mouth drinking may not be a good thing with all the anger he has built up it could turn really bad sometime and someone could get hurt. Like my mom mentioned i've had my friends who are basically my brothers go through their hard times and it was hard to watch but I just kept giving them support and letting them know that the decisions they make doesnt only effect them but those who care for them and they saw some of the negative outcomes of those they cared about which i think helped them realize just how much there are people who do care and understand.... Them along with you son are "lost" drinking is a way to kinda put your "real" life on hold for awhile so u dont have to think/worry about the future about life... its hard trying to find who you are as a person when you have hurt and pain that you need to DEAL with and get passed before u can really move on..."Lifes kinda like the beats in a song you cant skip or ignore any of the beats or the song wont turn out right" I know i still have things that i may need to deal with but right now i know what i need to deal with and what can be put aside... It can still be frustrating and confusing but I can also talk more with others now then back when i was your sons age...and being in your position having to see him go through that is extrememly hard that was one thing i had a hard time with was seeing for my friends n family hurt or in pain. and if he is falling into the depression which he very well could be he needs to get through that, I know a psychologist (head doctor) may not be his idea of fun he needs someone who can help him understand his feelings and why he's using destructive behaviour towards himself to ease/numb his pain. Its not going to help him grow mentally-physically(healthy) or emotionally if he contiues down this path...and its a hard path to get off if you've been following it awhile... Just try and get him to talk to someone no ones going to know what he tells the counsellor and they wont judge him... if he doesnt feel comfortable with one try another one.... but mainly keep telling him you love him and fear for him and just want him to be happy it will eventually sink in try to be patient and understanding thats really all you can do it is his life... and he needs guidance... Hope I helped you... SweetAngel |
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