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APsychicAdviceSpiritualityLearning&GrowingHomeofLightContains "mature" content, but not necessarily adult.APsychicAdviceSpiritualityLearningGrowingHomeofLight@groups.msn.com 
  
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Reply
 Message 1 of 14 in Discussion 
From: missdaisy  (Original Message)Sent: 3/12/2008 10:06 PM
I really do hate MSN..... anymore than two letters in the title and it won't let me send it....
 
An update for all and ...sorry....questions....
 
With respect to being a grandma...the young mom is scared but is getting support from my son and i...her family is rude and completely unsupportive...i had her mom here at my home briefly and she was putting down her daughter and saying how she is no good for anything....i was shocked and appalled...like to the point i called my mom and said what the heck do i do......her father finally knows and he just freaked and said..well great you have really ruined your life now.......they are NOT happy about being grandparents (and they are 49 and 54....)
 
i realize this is not the greatest timing and all however the baby choose these parents and this time to come back to earth.....
 
my son is doing great with his apprenticeship and learning lots...getting the hours and enjoying it.....
 
Now my question(s)..........
 
1. Will I finally find a positive relationship before I become a grandma?  I feel kinda lost and feel like it is time for a good relationship...I have healed the wounds with my mom and dealt with the issues i needed to.
 
2.  My middle child is being defensive and never home.....is something up with him?...he bites my head off when I talk to him and this is the child who used to hug me daily and say how glad he was to have me as a mom
 
3.  My youngest is with his dad and it is very difficult on him from what he is telling me...... when will he come back?....i sense he will come back and that it depends on hockey ...however, I am concerned about him....... 
 
4.  I guess this is probably everyone's worry....finances...i am so sick of struggling and fighting for child support...thankfully FMEP garnished my ex's wages  (however, he takes it out on the youngest).....Finances are a concern as my son will be staying with me for a bit once the baby is born (or so they say right now)......so will it ever improve???
 
5.  Am dreaming of a summer baby but she is due in October...... so is the baby gonna be born early and will it be ok?
 
I know alot of questions........ thanks so much to all who help...... I have been trying to give back by helping someone else....i don't want people to think i just come on the site to read posts and ask for help....
 
thanks....
jackie


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Reply
 Message 2 of 14 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknamessmysticSent: 3/13/2008 6:49 PM
I was thinking about you the other day and wondered how things were going. I find it amazing to this day how parents will treat their children. It sounded familar as that is the way my mother always talked to me. Of course they are not happy about being grand parents, they are selfish, children take away from their wants. They can't get out of themselves. They are afraid that people will judge them for the *&*&^%$ that they really are.
 
I am going to draw a card for each one of your questions. I am using a deck from Doreen Virtue, PH.D. called Magical Unicorns. Hope they will help some.
 
1) Water, Drink more water, and eat foods with water in them, such as fresh fruits and veggies.To feel good, your body needs to have water and foods that have water in them, such as fresh fruit and veggies. This card asks you to drink a lot more water as a way to fuel your energy. When your body doesn't have enough water, you may feel tired and not be able to think well. So, carry a water botle with you, and drink from it alot.When you drink water and eat right, you'll have a lot more energy and geel happier. Stay away from foods that have sugar. Even though sugar tastes goo, notice how your body feels after you eat it, You'll find that your body gets tired soon after you eat sweetened foods. A better way to enjoy this taste is to eat ripe fruits.
This card can also mean that swimming or bathing in water would make you feel happy and healthy. You can also pray over your drinking water and food, and the prayers will make your meals even more healthful and tasty.
By eating and drinking fruits, veggies and water, your skin will look good, you'll fee good and other people will soon ask what your secret it.
I would find this to mean to take care of your self, not just emotionally/spiritually but the body as well. Then you will be ready to move forward with a healthy you all the way around, and a healthy relationship.
 
2) Thankful....Think about the peopleand things you feel grateful for. Gratitude warms your heart with good feelings that are healthy for your mind and body. You can make yourself feel better by making a list of everything and everone you're thankful for. Gratitude replaces sadness, and makes everything go better.
Gratitude is such a powerful way to make your life better that it's almost magical. Everyone loves a thankful person. They want to be friends with, give to and help a person who says Thank You. When you say thank you and really mean it, you find more reasons to feel gratitude.
People who aren't grateful or who have self pity actually make themselves sad. They can't understand why other people avoid them. and why they don't receive many gifts. They take away their own power because they believe that life doesn't give them much. But if you count your blessings and think about all the reasons you have to feel grateful, then you'll ss how generous life really is. To get more out of life, stop and feel grateful for all that you're received so far. Then get ready to feel gratitude for countless blessings that are coming to you now.
You have so much going on right now. This being a middle child, they have the tendency to feel left out. Maybe you just need to remind him how grateful you are that he is in your life, that you love him just for being him. Remind him that he has alot to be grateful for also, and that you are there for him when he is ready to talk.
 
3) Try something new.....You'll only know that you can do something if you try.
One reason why you may feel bored is that you're doing the same things over and over. To feel excited about life, you need to try new things. This card asks you to think of something that you've always wanted to do, and then learn about it. Ask your family or friends to take you alson on their adventures.
When you try something new, you may feel funny at first, like it won't work. But just do your best to enjoy yourself, and don't worry about being perfect, especially at the start. The more you can relax and have fun, the better everything will go.
So, sign up for a class where you'll learn something new, or maybe take up a new sport. Stretch yourself beyond what you think you can do. You may find that you really enjoy this new activity. and you'll most likely make new friends. You'll also find that you will lean new skills that will help you in other areas of your life, too.
Maybe he is trying to tell you he isn't interested in hockey anymore. Maybe you need to open up a conversation with him, just asking if he is happy or does he want to try something new. He is trying to figure out where he wants to go right now, but feels he is just suppose to know.
 
4) Imagine..What would you see, feel, think, and hear if your wish came true? I think this says it all. Stop and concentrate on your wish and than listen to your body and all the things that go on. When you imagine your dream coming true,and notice all your feelings, etc you help make it happen.
If your son is unhappy going to his fathers for any reason, I would get ahold of your lawyer and tell him what is going on. The kids have to have some rights to. Finances are such a problem all the way around. I'm still working on the believing it will happen, I believe it will just the timing.
 
5) I could not get a definate answer on this question. I feel the baby will be ok.
 
The last card I did for you was....DECIDE... It's time to clearly make a decision about what you want. It means to decide where you want to go in the future and start seeing and believing that is where you are going to be.
 
I hope this helps you in some little way. Mystic

Reply
 Message 3 of 14 in Discussion 
From: missdaisySent: 3/14/2008 1:47 AM
hi mystic...
 
I am working on being upbeat and positive..... just seems lately it is difficult to do this.... it has been VERY stressful with the issues that I am being supportive with my son.  I had thought maybe the middle one felt left out.  I have talked with him about that , however maybe it will take him time to comes around.  I am thinking that maybe it is me wanting the youngest home rather than him wanting to be home.  He says he doesn't like dad's home however, he is old enough to fight that fight for himself. 
 
Your message is helpful.  I have been hoping and wishing for things to happen for some time and nothing has happened. 
 
Send me some luck!...LOL
 
If you get anything else please let me know...
 
jackie

Reply
 Message 4 of 14 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknamemscandyleSent: 3/14/2008 2:19 PM
BIG HUGS!!!

Reply
 Message 5 of 14 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknamessmysticSent: 3/15/2008 1:46 AM
 for you to find your peaceful place........things will happen as they are meant to.  It sounds so empty but I believe all things happen for reasons.

Reply
 Message 6 of 14 in Discussion 
From: missdaisySent: 3/15/2008 2:48 AM
so Mystic...
 
are you saying I am meant to be without a partner and by myself in this lifetime...if so I hope this lifetime ends soon....(really soon)  ....
 
i am sick of being pushed aside and critized.....i try so hard and for frig all........
 
normally guys walk out of my life because of my boys...they can't handle them..... and i guess they figure i have done bad at raising them.....
 
would just be nice to be accepted and treated like a normal human being!...... i keep telling myself that eventually I WILL meet someone who accepts me and values me for who i am ...however, am really starting to think there is no such man out there..... the ones i have met prejudge and are belittling and arrogant...in other words ---not my type
 
Thanks again...... keep sending the positive vibes and prayers....god only knows i really need them!!
 
Jackie

Reply
 Message 7 of 14 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknamessmysticSent: 3/15/2008 12:43 PM
What I'm saying is take care of yourself all the way around. Body, mind and soul. Don't look for a guy, because it seems like you are still attracting the asses(you are not the only one, I still do to) If a man can't accept your sons than he is no good anyway. I was so lucky when I was young, when my mother married for the third time to marry someone who accepted me. Although for me it turned into a mess thanks to my mom. You have to decide you are going to LIVE your life  whether alone or not, and be the best you will be. Have you ever went to alanon? It's for families, spouces or friends of alcoholics? There is also a problem for teens?  It's a great program, I went for yrs it's a great support, and there is so much info with them. I miss going, there aren't meetings here. There are also alanon, acoa, co-dependent groups on msn too. I've always wondered how the addict always finds me. it's like I wear a sign around my neck, or maybe a tattoo on my forhead, I'm co dependent. It's especially hard for those of us who are empaths, the need to take care of someone in pain.
Well this is starting to sound alittle preachy and I didn't mean for that to be. You will find the right person when it is time for you to find him. You NEED to take care of you whether you have some one or not. Things do get better, that I do know!!!!!
 
 

Reply
 Message 8 of 14 in Discussion 
From: missdaisySent: 3/15/2008 9:59 PM
hi mystic...
 
Not many alanon groups here....closest one is an hour away....have aa here but the group is all old cronies who just whine about how horrible their life is...lol....yup i married an alcoholic and my oldest is an addict/alcoholic and the middle one is drinking like a fish with his "new" friends and he is being the typical alcoholic...everything is everyone's else's fault......he relies on me for so much..... have decided to go on strike for a month.....currently i don't do their laundry and they have about 8 loads (that i took to the basement so i could get thru the hallway) that need to be done.....but i am sick of coming home from work to find a mess and then coming home the next night to find MORE of a mess .....
 
Gave up looking for a man years ago in my heart..... but my body just gave up..... spirit....well it is still undecided.......
 
Even growing up i was NEVER good enough.......NEVER got credit or a thanks or anything.......so as I said would just be nice to be accepted and loved unconditionally!!!

Reply
 Message 9 of 14 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknamessmysticSent: 3/15/2008 10:45 PM
So you had a parent that had an addiction? Mine was my mother, prescription drugs. I never could do anything right and still don't. I quit talking to my mother 10 yrs ago because she still thought she had the right to be emotional/verbally abusive. My oldest daughter is the alcoholic, been dry for quite awhile, just recently started working on soberity. unfortunely for us who grew up with this disease, we carry our share with us for along time. We get to feel it all while the addict hid behind their drug of choice.
I say good for you, you aren't the maid, housekeeper or any ones private battering pole or person. Even my youngest who doesn't use chemicals thinks everyone once in awhile that I should accept her crap, finds I don't play the game anymore with her. She sneak attacks sometimes but I do figure it out faster than I did. She thinks I should continue to feel quilty because she was molested by  "friends" of family. It took yrs to get past that.
You don't need to give up looking for a person to share your life with. You are raising your STANDARDS. There is nothing wrong with that. YOU deserve so much more, but you need to start believing that.
Look under self help groups on msn. There are alot of groups there. Like I said they are a great support and you need and deserve that.
I have put stuff on boards about finger healing and another called finger tapping. This is suppose to help with emotional/spiritual issues as well as physical stuff. Check it out and find a way maybe to work this into your life. Take a half hour a day or whatever just for you. It maybe part of answer you are looking for. Hang in there, it can get better.
 
  I do know what you are going through, and you can make it. but it does take work and alot of healing tears.

Reply
 Message 10 of 14 in Discussion 
From: missdaisySent: 3/15/2008 10:58 PM
hi mystic....
 
my sister tells me that my dad was a drinker BUT i don't remember that part of my childhood....... my mom  was the unsupportive one.... they have both said sly comments about my son and how he is gonna be a daddy and referred it back to me! ..... i was a mom at 20....... don't regret it at all....but my mother holds my actions against me...... whenever i say i wished things were different ..... she says " well you made your bed so lie in it...you got what you deserved for what you did"........... so it is a hard one to deal with......... i often think those issues are why i gained so much weight as a child and still can't take it all off.......... (though the finger healing you posted for weight lose i am doing)............
 
i guess what i really want is unconditional love...which i am giving to my son..... it is something i never had so i know a child does need it.............even my oldest is sick of the middle ones actions...... he says no more will he do his laundry......
 
and now i am in a dilema as he has a debt to pay and he has no money to pay it so i know he will be whining to mom very soon..... but he hasn't gotten off his ass to deal with things that would help to resolve the issue.............nope instead he just drinks...and has drank away the funds to pay the monthly payment.......(it isn't a huge payment but that is not he point..it is showing irresponsibility).........
 
anyways enough of my venting and bitching!!!
 
Thanks again!!
Jackie

Reply
 Message 11 of 14 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknamessmysticSent: 3/16/2008 12:58 AM
This is the other technique I was talking about. I think the important thing with this is the statement" I deepy and completely accept myself"  After yrs of running into brick walls, it finally soaked in if I didn't like, love or accept me unconditionally, why in the hell would any one else. We set the standard for the way people treat us by what we accept. We don't need to accept inappropriate behavior, believe something our mothers say just because they are our mothers. They are just human beings with opinions, nothing more, nothing less.
 

From Joachim Schubert / Gwenn Bonnell( this goes to their web site which is awesome)

Release Emotions With EFT

Stress. Anxiety. Guilt. Pain. Sadness. Trauma. These feelings and emotions are all part of our human existence. At times, however, one or more of these can become negative emotions and can block our ability to live life fully. We may find ourselves repeating patterns in relationships, with career choices, or with physical ailments, feeling stuck in situations that appear to be beyond our control.

We now have a simple but powerful tool that can help us regain our sense of choice over our negative emotions and recover our personal power. Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT for short) allows easy release of negative emotions and turns the stuck energy into empowerment so we can freely choose what is best in our lives. After the release of the negative emotions we can be free to experience more of life's joy and happiness.

What is EFT?

EFT, Emotional Freedom Techniques, is an easy yet effective method developed by Gary Craig that allows quick release of negative emotions. EFT involves tapping on certain meridian points that communicate energetic information throughout the human body while focused on the emotion we want to release.

Try EFT Now!

Take a few minutes to learn the fundamental steps of this powerful self-help tool.

Recall an experience when something happened that you felt was out of your control. What are your feelings as you think about that situation or the people involved? Name the feeling or emotional response that you have right now. If you cannot name the specific feeling, just call it "This emotion." Rate the intensity of the emotional response on a scale from zero to ten, with ten being the most intense and zero being no emotional response at all.

Perform The Setup: With the finger pads of the index and middle fingers of your dominant hand, begin tapping lightly the "Karate Chop" point of your other hand. The fleshy part on the side of the hand below the little finger is known as the Karate Chop point. While continuously tapping this point, repeat the following Setup Statement three times: "Even though I have this emotion, I deeply and completely accept myself." If you can name the emotion, then replace the word "emotion" with the specific feeling such as "anger," "guilt," or "sadness."

Physical pain or discomfort can also be treated with EFT. Simply replace the word "emotion" with a description of the problem such as "headache," " lower back pain," or "arthritis in my knee." For example, to treat my stress I repeat, "Even though I have this stress, I deeply and completely accept myself," three times while continuously tapping the Karate Chop point.

Next, perform the Tapping Sequence by tapping about five times on each point (see point chart) to rebalance your energy flow. Keep focused on the emotion or problem by repeating a Reminder Phrase similar to the Setup Statement. To release stress, I repeat, "This stress" while tapping lightly about five times on each of the following points:

EB = Beginning of the Eye Brow
SE = Side of the Eye
UE = Under the Eye
UN = Under the Nose
CH = The Chin
CB = Beginning of the Collar Bone
UA = Under the Arm
KC = Karate Chop Point

Points on either side of the body can be used, and sides can be switched during the tapping sequence.


Reply
 Message 12 of 14 in Discussion 
From: missdaisySent: 3/16/2008 1:59 AM
thanks mystic...
 
i will try these
hugs
 
jackie

Reply
 Message 13 of 14 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknamemscandyleSent: 3/20/2008 1:07 AM
Awwww Jackie, no wonder we are friends, we have soooooo much in common!  BIG HUGS!   C.

Reply
 Message 14 of 14 in Discussion 
From: missdaisySent: 3/20/2008 3:59 AM
thanks....
 
too much in common some days!!
 
Jackie

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