Well, it's time for another Big Brother photocap. Sadly, by press time, CBS still hadn't posted pics from Wednesday's live eviction episode, which means we'll just have to move on to Sunday's show. That's okay though. There was plenty of good stuff to mock in this latest episode �?specifically the HI-larious food competition, which proved to be one of the funniest ever, thanks to Renny who released her inner crow yet again. Watching her screaming and stumbling in a haze of confusion was nothing short of glorious. Add some frantic behavior from April (not to mention Michelle's New England accent and Jerry's hoarse screams), and we had a real doozy of a competition. Mind you, it wasn't exciting in the least, but man was it hilarious.

Sadly, CBS didn't really post any pictures of Renny struggling with the socks; so my mockery/love of her will be regrettably limited this week. Oh well.

Aside from the food competition, there were plenty of interesting things this episode. First, Keesha's bizarre nomination process. After spending a whole episode deciding between Libra and Memphis to go on the block she went with... Jessie? Hey, I'm all for it, and I get that maybe the producers wanted to throw us a fast one, but that really came out of left field. Whatever. Hopefully the whiney muscle man will go home �?if only for the way he happily volunteered his supposed ally, Dan, to be nominated.

As for April and Ollie (Opril? Allie? Aollie? Aioli?), we learned that Ollie gets scared in relationships and equates the experience to driving headlong into a construction zone on the highway, which is apparently his biggest fear. Granted, he's not afraid of driving off the highway or even crashing. No, he just hates the orange cones. And maybe cement trucks. I don't know. It was a very complicated metaphor.

Nevertheless, photocap after the jump...

"Oh well. Sucks for Steven."

"In other news, I'm now a cholo."

"My name's April, and I know how to handle a new Head of Household!"

"Don't worry, Libra. You know you're my girl."

"Libra's such a bitch."

"I'm sorry, Jerry. I just totally farted."

"This letter from home says that my dog just pissed on his first fire hydrant. I'M MISSING SO MUCH!!"

"I can't believe my dog didn't even sign this letter with a paw print. I should have never made an alliance with him."

"My name's April, and I know how to handle an entrance!"

"April, this is between us, and us only. You can't go tell anyone else about my plans. Now, excuse me �?I have to go tell everyone else about my plans."

"If there's construction going on inside this room, I'm gonna freak."

Ollie: "This plan sounds like it still needs a lot of building, and you know what that means: CONSTRUCTION."

"I don't care what any of you say. I am not related to Dick Donato."

"I wonder if anyone knows how hard it is to be this bland."

"Just so you know, Memphis, I can put my hand on my head too, okay? Stop doubting me."

"It's so wicked hawt in here I'm sweatin' through my undahwears."

"So you're saying this is my nose? No. I don't believe you."

"I'm the king of the world!"

"My name's April, and I know how to handle polka dots!"

"Okay, I got a red sock! A red sock. Well, the dominant color is white, but it's still a RED sock!!!"

"MARY! ST. JOSEPH!! I couldn't find the GOLD SAWK! WITH THE MONKEY AWN ON IT!!! It's like my brain was locked. IT'S LOCKED!!!!"

"My name's April, and I know how to handle signage metaphors!"

"We're all a work in progress. It's like we're under construction, and if there's anything I hate, it's CONSTRUCTION."

"Hmmm... I think I just saw a sign that said 'Let's DO IT.'"

"What do you mean I'm not still HOH? I'm Mr. Natural Iowa 2008. Of course I'm still HOH."

"Maybe if I hide behind these boxes, I'll be able to eavesdrop on every HOH conversation. No one will ever see me! EVER!"

"I wonder what happiness feels like."

"I can't believe Keesha's making me sit in this hammock. I've been here for practically TWENTY FOUR HOURS!"

"I just want to eat pigs feet 'til my undahwears burst."

"Angie, I've nominated you because I've arbitrarily decided you're the reason why Steven was evicted �?based on no real evidence or logic, really."

"Am I free to whine now?"

Apologies for having a late Big Brother photocap. CBS.com has been a bit screwy with the screen caps, and while in the past they've always had the pics up about an hour after the latest episode airs here in the west, this season, they've been a bit unreliable. Plus, after all that waiting, they didn't even put up any good shots from the Memphis-Jerry fight. Speaking of which, I guess Memphis isn't so unemotional after all. Something tells me that Jerry's "womanizer" comment touched a nerve that perhaps informs us a bit about Memphis's absent-during-childhood dad. Hmmm... How very Prince of Tides.

Nevertheless, I would have liked a bit more clarity on that fight. What was this incident that Jerry referred to where Memphis was disrespectful of him? And where did their rivalry come from? I loved the way Jerry handled himself during that clash, even if he was being quite judgmental. Hey, he's an old guy. That's what they do. Memphis probably could've used a chill pill. I enjoyed how after the fight Mems warned, "Call me a womanizer again and see what happens!" I really wish Jerry had said "womanizer" again. Would Memphis have punched him? Because that would have been hilarious �?a young guy punching an old man. And while I'm still on this topic, why did Memphis act like the this was the first time he'd heard the "womanizer" comment when clearly he had already learned about it earlier? I mean, Memphis brought it up. He really shouldn't have been so surprised.

Aside from the Battle of MemJer, this episode was remarkable for the desperation of poor Jessie, who gloriously fell into a paranoid haze after being nominated. The idiot tried to convince Keesha to take him off the block by a) saying everything over-dramatically, b) leaning over as if he were doing squats, and c) employing tired cliches and forced metaphors. In other words, it was hilarious. I appreciated his mangling ("toe to head"), his bizarreness ("blow a shockwave through the water") and his general lack of creativity ("I didn't come here to make friends," "It's a dog eat dog world"). Most of all, I welcomed his new signature metaphor: "I'M IN JAIL!!!" Yes, Jessie, you are in jail �?a lifetime prisoner at the California Correctional Facility for IDIOTS. Too bad Keesha is too self-involved to really care about his feelings. When she unnecessarily announced to the house that she had given her word to Libra, I couldn't help rolling my eyes. I mean, it feels like every episode Keesha has to gather everyone around and proclaim something VERY important about herself ("I'm loyal!" "Don't talk behind my back!" "I miss my dog!"). ENOUGH.

Anyway, on to the photocap...

"They were factual reasons. They made no sense, but they were factual."

"It's Libra's fault that I'm nominated! She forced me to nominate Steven. Granted, I'm a grown man who can make my own decisions, and granted, she was one among several people who told me to vote out Steven, but... but... I WANT MY JUICE BOX!!!"

"When I get out of here, I'm gonna go to Bennigans every single day for every single meal. Breakfast, lunch, dinner. Mmmmhmmmm... It'll be all Bennigans, all the time. Can't wait!"

"Memphis doesn't take off his hat when talking to women. You know why, don't you? 'Cause he's a womanizer."

"Don't you see? It's LIBRA'S FAULT that I wore red today! I was going to wear green, but she made me wear red!!!"

"Don't you see how serious I am? Every inch of me is serious, from toe to head!"

"Why aren't you listening to me? I'm bending over completely!!! Isn't that convincing enough??? I'M IN JAIL!!!"

"My name's April, and I know how to handle fatigue!"

"Is this what happiness looks like?"

"It's like I'm in flower jail."

"I'm so gonna do this to April later on."

"UGH. I hate worms. But I gave them my word. DAMMIT!"

"I don't know what compost is, but if it's anything like construction, I'm gonna hate it!!!"

"Hahaha, this is kind of funny. Hahaha. It tickles. Hahahha. It tickles a lot. Hahahahahhaa I'm in TICKLE JAIL!!!"

"This is totally Libra's fault. And Renny's too."

"You guys don't understand. I was covered toe to head in there for TWENTY FOUR HOURS!"

"Here's the thing. I don't even know what happiness feels like."

"Wait, what is this feeling? It feels sort of nice. And this look on my face? Why is my mouth doing this? WHAT IS IT? SOMEONE HELP ME!!!"

"So it turns out if you pinch April's titties like this, she giggles like Minnie Mouse."

"I don't think you understand. Look at me. This is what happens to me in jail. Got it?"

"Shall I continue whining, or have I made my point? Because I can keep whining if you want. I'd kind of like it, actually."

"Hey guys. It's been about six hours since I unnecessarily proclaimed something to house; so I thought I'd give it another whirl. Is everyone ready? Okay good."

"These chess pieces are so disrespectful to me. They haven't even said thank you to me for playing with them."

"I gotta fix my microphone. It's getting tangled in my undahwears."

"When I tell them about the bannah, they're gonna crap their undahwears. What a wicked pissah."

"I AM NOT A WOMANIZER!! AND I REFUSE TO LET A MILDLY OFFENSIVE (AT BEST) ATTACK ON ME REVEAL ANYTHING ABOUT MY TRUE NATURE, ESPECIALLY BY SCREAMING AND GETTING VIOLENT!!!"

"Hoonnnnnk."

Here's the photocap from last night. I had to abbreviate it though because I'm at an airport and about to board! Enjoy what I have so far!!

"I came into this house to do two things: win $500,000 and womanize as many people as possible, preferably while wearing this V-Neck."

"This vine is gettin' all up in my undahwears."

"I could really go for some wa-tah. It would restoah my powah."

"This better be over quickly. You never know when a sparrow might come flying by."

"My name's April, and I know how to handle desaturated colors. Now, Ollie, DO ME in the key slot."

"SCREW YOU, VINES!!!"

"Is that a bird down there? It is! It's a falcon! IT'S A FALCON!!! Oh wait, it's just a leaf."

"If I stay up here much longah, I'm gonna have to piss in my undahwears."

"I'll show all yous my stomach, but none of yous are gonna see my undahwears. None of yous!"

"I fuckin' hate that vine. I never should have fuckin' given it my fuckin' word. Fuuuuuuck you, VINE!"

"I want all yous to know that whoevah threw that ballon at my face is gonna get it in the kissah! Ain't none of yous safe!"

"The only reason I threw the balloon at Michelle is because it called me a womanizer. AND a bartender!"

"I'm gonna womanize this vine."

Keesha: "I'm so fuckin' SICK of this fuckin' competition!"
Michelle: "If aw-LEE doesn't win, I'm gonna crap my undahwears"
Renny: "You gals bettah not push me off this bench. It's INAPPROPRIATE!"

"Sorry Dan. I'm not making any deals until you promise to keep all crows, robins, and penguins away from the backyard."

"I told Ollie I would single-handedly strangle every parakeet in a three-mile radius."

"That's not a robot pigeon, is it? Oh, never mind. It's a camera."

Keesha: "I fuckin' hate this hoodie. I never should have given it my word."
Michelle: "Win the powah, aw-Lee. Win the powah!"
Renny: "Ollie win? YOU BETTA NOT!"

"And I want to save April too. It's not too late for that, right?"

"Hey Renny, check it out. I'm from the old country. I'm a babushka. Get it? Get it? Eh..."

"The only fuckin' thing I trust in this house is this fuckin' Triscuit. I'm taking it to the end."

"Dan gave yous what?? Did you crap your undahwears???"

"I don't like Dan's plan. It makes me just want to take all his shirts and rip them into v-necks!"

"UGH. Even the THOUGHT of all those Democrats together in Denver is making my head hurt."

"I gotta hand it to Dan, his offer was crazy. Like, Portuguese crazy. What a wicked pissah."

"MARY! ST. JOSEPH!! Answer mah question, Dan! It's like your brain is locked. IT'S LOCKED!!!"

"You know what? I thought I was in a fuckin' alliance with these fuckin' Triscuits, but then I saw fuckin' APRIL staring at them in her picture. So fuuuuuck you, Triscuits! I've fuckin' always hated you!!"

"I would never wear a shirt that says 'Taken.' But that's because I'm a WOMANIZER."

"Dan, I want you to be honest with me: is my v-neck a tad too small?"

"HOOOoonkk if you like my crotch."

"I don't know about all yous, but I think Jerry's crotch is wicked sexy. I bettah not you-know-what in my undahwears."