I pulled a string earlier from a person who wrote her first post at Freedom saying she had recently relapsed and now asking if she should reset her quit meter. Boy did she pick the wrong group of quitters to ask that question. I thought I better bring this one up in case anyone else ever faces a similar dilemma.

 

For the record, it is said often at most sites that whether or not you reset your quitmeter is up to you. We agree--if you relapse it is up to you whether or not you reset your quit meter. If you want to fool yourself and try to fool the rest of the world that you are successfully smoke free go right on ahead. But don't waste Freedom's time with such foolishness. Post your relapse and your message will be gone in a flash along with your membership.

 

Here are some related readings on the topic:

 

 

It is probably a pretty good idea that everyone knows our Mission Statement so that they see how we are different than most other groups.

 

 

Also, we hope everyone has read our membership application below. Post 10 in it addresses how important actually reading at our site is before applying to avoid any confusing and awkward situations such as this.

 

 

To stay a member and to have your meter really mean anything always remember to stay successful always entails knowing to never take another puff!

 

Joel

"My husband can't stand it when I smoke - that is why I quit."  "My wife is trying to quit, so I will stop just to support her."  "My kids get sick when I smoke in front of them.  They cough, sneeze, and nag me to death.  I quit for them."  "My doctor told me not to smoke as long as I am his patient, so I quit to get him off my back."  "I quit for my dog."

All these people may have given up smoking, but they have done it for the wrong reason.  While they may have gotten through the initial withdrawal process, if they don't change their primary motivation for abstaining from smoking, they will inevitably relapse.  Contrary to popular belief, the important measure of success in smoking cessation is not getting off of cigarettes, but rather the ability to stay off.

A smoker may quit temporarily for the sake of a significant other, but he will feel as if he is depriving himself of something he truly wants.  This feeling of deprivation will ultimately cause him to return to smoking.  All that has to happen is for the person who he quit for to do something wrong, or just disappoint him.  His response will be, "I deprived myself of my cigarettes for you and look how you pay me back!  I'll show you, I will take a cigarette!"  He will show them nothing.  He is the one who will return to smoking and suffer the consequences. He will either smoke until it kills him or have to quit again.  Neither alternative will be pleasant.

It is imperative for him to come to the realization that the primary benefactor in his giving up smoking is himself.  True, his family and friends will benefit, but he will feel happier, healthier, calmer and in control of his life.  This results in pride and a greatly improved self-esteem.  Instead of feeling deprived of cigarettes, he will feel good about himself and appreciative to have been able to break free from such a dirty, deadly, powerful addiction.

So, always keep in mind that you quit smoking for you.  Even if no one else offers praise or encouragement, pat yourself on the back for taking such good care of yourself.  Realize how good you are to yourself for having broken free from such a destructive addiction.  Be proud and remember - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!

Case 1:	Case 2:
“How do you expect me to quit smoking? All of my family, friends, and work associates smoke. Whenever I try to quit they all try to sabotage my efforts. With support like that, I can't quit smoking!�?/B>	“I know I will quit. Nobody wants me to smoke. My kids beg me to stop, my husband hates it when I smoke, and we're not allowed to smoke at work. I feel like a social outcast wherever I go. With all those people on my back, I know I won't fail in quitting!�?/B>

In both of the above cases, the smoker is wrong in their assessment of whether or not they can actually quit smoking.  Success in quitting smoking is not primarily determined by significant others.  It is based on the strength of the smoker's own desire to quit.

In case one, the smoker is blaming his failure on lack of support and actual sabotage attempts by others.  But not one of these people physically forced a lit cigarette into his mouth and made him inhale.  Considering that the only way he could reinforce his nicotine addiction is by inhaling a cigarette, none of his smoking associates had the final say on his success or failure.

Case two, on the other hand, was working under the false assumption that quitting smoking would be a breeze since everybody would support her because they hated her smoking.  Not once, though, did she say that she actually wanted to stop for herself.  She was stopping because everyone else wanted her to.  In essence, she was depriving herself of her cigarettes to make everybody else happy.  While she may not have lit up when surrounded by others, sooner or later she would be alone.  With no one around, what personal reason does she have to strengthen her resolve not to take a cigarette?

When you joined our clinic, you may have initially blamed others for your failure or erroneously credited the clinic and others with your success.  No one failed or succeeded for you.  You did it.  While significant others can influence how easy or difficult quitting will be, your own personal resolve is the major determinant of success or failure.

If you failed when you tried in the past, stop blaming others.  Realize that your personal desire to stop was not strong enough to overcome the powerful grip cigarettes exerted on you.  Rather than making one half hearted attempt after another, make a personal assessment of why you smoke and why you wish to stop.  If your personal reasons are good enough, then try to stop.  As long as your ammunition is strong, no one will be able to make you smoke.

On the other hand, if you quit, don't feel that the clinic or any one else made you do it.  You broke free from a powerful addiction.  You did it by making up your own mind, throwing out your cigarettes, and refusing to take another one no matter how much temptation you faced.  For this you should be proud. And to maintain that pride for the rest of your life - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!

 

 

 

No matter which word a person chooses to try to explain his or her relapse, the end result will be the same--the person is once again under total control of a drug that will rob him or her of his or her health and eventually, his or her life.

 

While there are many words and phrases that we could use to define success, for simplicity I will narrow it down to one phrase. To avoid having to use words like Slip or Just or Only or Puff or Cheat or Sneak or Accident or Mistake or Boo boo or Drag or Blunder or Error or Steal or Borrow or Setback is as simple as always sticking to the one phrase of just remembering to never take another puff!

 

Joel

 

Smokers are often furious with me because they believe I caused them to go back to smoking.  Why do they think this?  Well, I have this nasty habit of making a really big deal any time a clinic participant takes one puff or maybe just a few cigarettes.  The smoker feels I am so persuasive in my arguments that he has no choice but to have a full-fledged relapse.  In his opinion, I forced him back to the life-time dependency which will impair his health and may eventually cost him his life.  He is convinced that if I had not made such a major issue out of the incident, he would just have smoked that one time and would never have done it again.  How can I sleep each night knowing what I have done?

I sleep quite well, thank you.  For, you see, I am not responsible for these people's relapses to cigarettes.  They can take full credit for becoming smokers again.  They relapsed because they broke the one major law of nicotine addiction - they took a puff.  This is not my law.  I am not setting myself up to be judge, jury, and executioner.  The law of physiological addiction states that administration of a drug to an addict will cause reestablishment of the dependence on that substance.  I didn't write that law.  I don't execute that law.  My job is much simpler than that.  All I do is interpret the law.  This means, by taking a puff, the smoker either goes back to full-fledged smoking or goes through the withdrawal process associated with quitting.  Most don't opt for the withdrawal.

Every clinic has a number of participants who have quit in the past for one year or longer.  In fact, I had one clinic participant who had stopped for a period of 24 years before he relapsed.  He never heard that such a law existed, that even after 24 years, the ex-smoker is not totally freed from his imprisonment of addiction.  He didn't understand that the day he tossed his "last" cigarette, he was placed "on probation" for the rest of his life.  But ignorance of the law is not excusable - not the way the laws of a physiological nature are written.  By the American standards of justice, this seems to be cruel and unusual punishment.  But this is the way things are.

Maybe instead of going to a smoking clinic, a recently relapsed person should contact his attorney to plead his case of why he should be able to have an occasional cigarette when he desires.  Maybe he can cheat just once, get a sympathetic jury, be judged innocent, and walk out of the courtroom a free and independent person.  Surely, in pleading his case before twelve impartial people, he will probably have no problem convincing them that he is innocent of any wrong doing.  And, as he happily walks out of court a free and independent person, he will probably have an uncontrollable urge and then light a cigarette.

Don't look for loop-holes in the law of addiction.  You will be convicting yourself back to smoking.  While it may seem harsh and unfair, to many, smoking is a crime punishable by death.  Don't try to cheat the system - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!

The smoker's vow

 

Hi Mel,

 

be honest with yourself. You haven't slipped, you have relapsed or you have not even started your quit. You are also not having a hard time with your quit, you are having a hard time with yourself and I am sorry to read that you are feeling this way.

 

There is no way you can remain "as smoke free as possible." You either are smoke=nicotine free or you aren't. No, wrong, for the first three days you would be smoke free but not yet nicotine free.

 

You really don't need to worry about relapsing into full blown smoking again if you keep this going. No need to worry as it WILL happen and much sooner than you think.

 

It seems to me as if you think that quitting really is "A fate worse than death". It honestly isn't. As an active addict, I have also always been looking for The easy way out. Have a close look at this, especially  #4, 11, 26, 29, 33.

 

Mel, if you have been reading here you will have seen Law of addiction. There really is no loophole in it. The way to get over the first day is just to not take even Just one little puff. You can do it, you have proven to yourself that you can do it already. Don't let this go on and on.

 

Don't be scared of Success. There really is nothing to be scared of. Your life without nicotine will be so much better and soon you will ask yourself why it took you so long ...

 

Go on! Are you ready to take back your life? Educate yourself about nicotine addiction, read all the messages Joel has given to you and just do it. You are so worth it. You really are!

 

I won't wish you any luck as you really don't need it but I do wish you all the best on your own, personal, nicotine free Journey home.

 

Gitte

425 days and a bit