Aries (March 21 - April 19) Ah ha! You will finally have an opportunity to use the word "plumbaginous" in casual conversation today! You will be discussing either bicycles or aircraft, at the time.
Good day to sleep in. A nap would work well today, too. Try to get to bed early. Aside from that, nothing too exciting today.
Today you will see a free floating full torso vaporous apparition! It'll turn out that your glasses are smudged.
You are being stalked by an invisible mutant from Planet 7. Or at least, you'll find that this makes an excellent excuse for not doing those outside chores today.
Leo (July 23 - August 22) Excellent time to take up weasel ranching. Or at least to claim that's what you do, at parties.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22) Good day to embrace diversity. Wear mismatched shoes.
Libra (September 23 - October 22) While idly doodling on a notepad, today, you will accidentally draw a symbol sacred to an ancient voodoo deity, and will open a gap into part of the astral plane that is even less appealing than Akron, Ohio.
A man wearing two left shoes and a shirt with only one sleeve will approach you today, and try to interest you in a no-load mutual fund. Trust him -- he knows what he's doing.
It's ok to spill the wine today, if you feel you really have to. Under no circumstance should you dig that girl, however.
You will get a postcard from the Forbidden City today, containing some very unsettling news. You won't realize that, of course, since it will be written in a language you don't understand.
Family problems again. It'll be just like that Rolling Stones song, about how you "Can't Always Get What You Wa-ant", except that in your case, you can replace one of the words with "Ever". Try being positive and future-focused. Also, pretend you don't speak English.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20) You will spend this week trying to get to the bottom of things. The good news is, you will succeed! The bad news is, the bottom of things is sometimes ugly, and often smells bad.
Love & Hugs,
AngelBear7042