~~~~~~~ Rachel's death ~~~~~~~~ Rachel was born on Jan. 10, 1974. From her third birthday until her eighth birthday, she talked of her birthday continuously. After her eighth birthday, she never spoke of it again. This amazed BL and me. She spoke often of her desire to grow up and have her own children and to dress them. That is until the summer of 1982. During this summer, she changed and began to tell me that she wished she could stay a little girl forever and by my little girl forever. This amazed me since she had been so vehemently wanting to grow up. She became obsessed with this desire for her breasts to grow. One day in early September, 1982, We were sitting at the table. Rachel seemed unusually sad (she was always a happy, smiling, laughing, child). She said, “Daddy, my breasts still have not grown any.�?She pulled up her little shirt to show him. He told her tenderly, �?Darling, your breasts will grow in a few years; you are still too young.�?/STRONG> She looked him straight in the eyes and said in a matter-of-factly, sad voice, “No, Daddy. They will never grow�? After that she never spoke of it again. This struck a cord of sadness in my heart. I did not know why. Rachel was forever writing me little love notes. I would find them everywhere. BL had two little boys who had died in young childhood. He had told her of them. I had two little boys who had died at birth. Rachel spoke of these four children very frequently; she talked of them as if she knew them personally and seemed to play with them. It really amazed us. This was an on going thing. During the summer of 1982, this was almost each day. She talked of these four children as if they were her closest friends. This child was a very unusual child. Rachel had started the third grade. She went three weeks. She developed a boil on one of her fingers. It was very sore. For a few days she could not eat. She told me the day of Sept. 20, “Mama, I have gotten to where I can’t eat�? I said, Yes I have noticed that. The next day, we took her shopping for a note book and I bought her a coloring book. We all loved to color in her books. I still have them. The next day, Sept. 22, 1982, as Rachel waited for the school bus, ( she loved for me to stand in the door until she was on the bus: she would continuously call ‘bye�?to me)-- this morning I watched for a few minutes; she kept calling, bye. I was tired, so I went and laid back down. I felt a strange sadness pull from her to my heart. It puzzled me. This is almost too sad for me to keep writing this. But I want so much to finish her story. Pray for me. This is the first time I have cried over Rachel in years. That day her teacher called me and told me to come and get her for her finger was hurting. BL was not home at the time, so I told her I would call him and get him to pick her up on the way home. As I reached for the phone to dial him, God spoke to me in that still, small voice and said, Don’t do that. Well, it was such a small voice that I paid no attention. People, this and other times I paid dearly for disobedience is one thing which proves to me that this is truly the voice of God speaking to me. He picked her up; then they went somewhere together. I was sewing her a new school out-fit. I told them I would join them in a little while. Wanna called me on the phone and we talked a while. I did not realize how much time had passed. I had told them I would come and bring them something to drink and eat. Well, when I arrive where they had gone, cars were up and down that road as far as I could see. I knew immediately that something bad had happened to one of them. BL came to me crying. He said Rachel had been run over. She was still on the ground when I arrived. After they left with her, I went into the little building there; I could not pray for Rachel to live; for in my heart I knew she would not. I prayed for God to do what was best for Rachel. When I said that I knew she was dead. When the school bus went by my house that evening, my baby was dead. I had disobeyed the voice of God. It is a dangerous thing to disregard this still small voice; which some people sneer at my hearing. My soul is in great grief as I write these words. This many years later, My soul longs for my sweet little girl. The tears are flowing so much, I have to wait to finish this. Rhonda came home from Texas. When she arrived, she and I held each other in our arms and cried that horrible cry I had dreamed. Don’t tell me God does not still give prophetical dreams! She wore a black and white dress to Rachel’s funeral. Don’t tell me! Two weeks later as Wanna came to visit me, I was telling her of the sweet love notes I continued to find from Rachel. I went into my bedroom to get something; when I opened my desk, there were two notes from Rachel. She had written them the last night she lived and placed them there for me to find in my hours of grief. In these notes she had thanked me for her note book and the coloring book; which had not been used. I still have them. Then I found a drawing of her, BL and me. She had written a story of us. As I sat there talking about Rachel to Wanna, all of a sudden God flashed that dream from years back of little eight year old children playing happily together; He said to me, that is where she is now; that was her which ran out to play with them; the one you saw arrive there in that lovely place. People as God is true---- as He is my witness------ every word of this is the truth. I would certainly not make up stuff about my darling girl and her life and death. Now for more: when the man who had run over my baby came to see me, IT WAS THE MAN WHO HAD BEEN RIDING THAT HORSE BEHIND RHONDA IN MY DREAM TWO YEARS BEFORE. THE OTHER MAN WHO WAS ON THE OTHER HORSE, WAS IN THE TRUCK WITH HIM. As God is my witness, they both looked exactly as they had looked in that dream. I would have known them!! That is how true these spiritual gifts still are. People, My God is still Real. He is still speaking to His people in dreams and visions. Don’t doubt. Seeks Him while He may be found. For over two years, I went through intense grief and suffering; only God knows how much my soul hurt and grieved. I sometimes went into the woods and laid down; hoping a poison snake would come along and bite me. She and I used to play some games in creeks. I would go and want to play the games and say to her; Come on Rachel; let’s float our little boats. As I went to do it the first time --- God spoke to me and said “Don’t do this�? It was that small still voice again. Again I disobeyed. I wanted so much to relive our playing together. Well I can tell you, I did not do that again. The grief which tore through me, only God knows!!!!! How much I wanted to die also.! For over two years this went on. I did not seek relief from it; for I wanted to grieve for her. To me she was worth suffering over. Finally, I knew I could not take it anymore; so I asked God to deliver me. He showed me each time the grief started, to focus on the resurrection when I would see her again. This stopped the suffering. Shortly after her death, I had dreamed of seeing her in the casket; I had stood over her and watched her open her beautiful eyes, look up at me and say in that special way she had of saying, “Moma, Moma�? Now, it all makes sense: her obsession with wanting to do things while she could; her grieving over things she never got to do; her desire to have her children; her breasts to grow---- something inside her knew she NEVER WOULD. BL told me that she had come to him three different times and told him she would never be NINE. This is why she had quit speaking of her birthday; something inside her knew it would never come. It was a utility truck which ran over her. People, I could have been rich if I had sued them. But I did not. A lawyer friend wanted to sue for half a million dollars. I would not. Their lawyer came to see me; he told me I probably would have gotten it; I told him they did not have enough money I would trade for my child’s life. His eyes filled with tears as I said that. God told me you cannot serve God and mammon. I would not want to face Rachel on the other side and have to say I profited off your death. Lots of people have told me I was crazy to do this: but I had to obey God. I had to forgive this man for killing my child then lying about it. When I spoke to the doctor who examined Rachel at the hospital, I asked him specifically if her neck was broken; for that is what had been shown me in that dream. He told me yes. Matt. 2: 18--In Rama was there a voice heard, lamentation, and weeping, and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children, and would not be comforted because THEY ARE NOT. Jeremiah 31:15--Thus saith the LORD; A voice was heard in Ramah, lamentation, and bitter weeping: Rachel weeping for her children refused to be comforted for her children, because they were not. v16--Thus saith the LORD; Refrain thy voice from weeping, and thine eyes from tears: for thy work shall be rewarded, saith the LORD; and they shall come again from the land of the enemy. (death is the enemy). v17--and there is hope in thine end, saith the LORD, that thy children shall come again to their own border. I found this after Rachel’s death. Then I understood her grief that she would never grow up and have her children which she longed so much to have. She never would. Some kind of way, she fits this thing. Some kind of way what happened to her shows all of this. This is speaking of those boy babies killed by Herod at the time of Jesus�?birth. But this shows they will come again to their own border. They are playing there in that beautiful land with my Rachel, Eric, and Criss, my babies; and BL Jr. and Robert those babies she loved without having seen. They are all there together. **************** I know this is long; but I hope you all will take the time to read it; and that in her death, Rachel is still giving out her sweet love. People who lived below us came to me after her death and told me that every time they passed my house, she would run down toward the road and wave at them. I had not known that. A man who runs a train had seen her out one day with BL and said there is my little sweetheart; each time I go by, she runs up toward the road and waves to me. She was full of Love for everyone and for Jesus. ******************* Baby, you are still a blessing to all. Your Mother still loves you with all my heart and soul. Rachel died on September 22, 1982, having lived only eight years, and eight months. ************************** I will see you again, in the morning, My Darling, in that great resurrection day. |