Concentrating and focusing on positive things. Working Reiki on my back and got my Circle room set up. So far so good.

Working on gathering all the healing things I know together and putting them into practice. Maybe it'll bear fruit in the real world. Goddess willing.

 

Wow ....is it the 20th already???? Where did the month go???

Days seem like they last for weeks and weeks seem to pass like days.

 

My whole concept of time is whompy-jawed.

 

It's become apparent to me since a recent life path choice how much my self image was out of porportion and how many high priority things I had put on hold that needed my attention suffered.

 

Changing my daily routine has been surreal at times, and I still catch myself falling into old habits and having to remind myself that I have other responsibilities now.

 

For the past 3 years I've been all talk and little action, now is the time for me to put all that philosophizing and postulation into practicality  and actual reality.

 

Well this month has been interesting.... like biology class when you dissect frogs... only I was the frog.

 

I have discovered some things about myself that were self sabotaging. Like how I like to do things when no one is looking, everyone thinks I don't do anything.

 

or how when I DO do something everyone sees, then they expect me to be able to do it all the time, and I can't, then they think I'm being arbitrary or stubborn.

 

They complain they can't figure me out, but then, hey... neither can I.

 

I have so many things I want to do, but every and all attempts to have my physical ability meet my mental activity and put things into motion have been thwarted by my blasted back!

I've gone to the chiropractor, reiki-ed it, tapped on it, explored the emotional causes done stretching excersizes, and asked for healing energy, all has helped just enough to keep me out of traction, but not enough to get me pain free so I can function effectively.

 

In the mean time I do what magick I can to prepare for a full scale assault on my house and life and hope my husband doesn't check the address to be sure he's got the right place when he comes home.

 

I wonder if it's against the Law of 3 to cast a spell on the kids to get them to be more cooperative? Probably is

 

My weight loss has been zero since the first of the month and I am getting frustrated with that too. Mirf.... Mirf !!!!and DOUBLE Mirf!!!! I know that if I could do more than sit in a chair for a couple hours and then go back and lay down for a couple hours and repeat the process constantly the wieght would start coming off again. I feel like what muscles I do have are all atrophying.

 

Boy, I bitch alot... sorry.

I know I have a much better lot in life than many people. I should count my blessings more. I have many of them, a roof over my head, clothes and food and a wonderful husband who loves me. I have friends  and colleages a.k.a. partners in crime to play with and this wonderful medium to keep in touch with those I care about. For the most part I'm fairly healthy and my family is healthy. The Goddess has blessed me in many ways and I am thankful for each one. I also know there is a reason for for my present frustration, some lesson for me to learn. I just wish I'd learn it so I can get on with other things.