What Worked For Me

I found a few things that have comforted me on the seemingly and endless days that challenged my broken heart. I was actually trying to keep the blahs away or at least keep them at bay for a few hours. If I found something that was comforting and helpful to me I put it on my “Rescue List” as I called it so I could repeat it and remember it the next time I needed to scrape and claw my way out of that dark hole of grief. You, too, can create a list of helpers for “blah-free” living. You might like to try a few of mine.

Treasure that book. I curl up on my comfy sofa with an inspiring support book, while enjoying a cup of hot tea or you might sip a glass of wine. I learned from those who have walked before me, and it brought moments of relief and hope to my fragile spirit. Inviting comforting words flow into my soul and I take time to ponder their innovating messages. It was like handing me a roadmap out

of my misery. It felt and feels to me like an angel pointing the way to better days.

Write your heart out. I am not saying that I journal each day, mostly jotting down the ups and downs of my darkest days, but instinctively I have helped my heart by writing; about the child I have lost and the child that I still have and I always seem to add things that have helped me to survive. I guess I empty my heart of the pain, pouring it onto paper. It helps me express what I feel while allowing me let the suffering spill out rather than fill up. Writing has helped me discover my pattern of grieving and that has enable me to make decisions and choices knowing what my heart needs as I have created what I call my new normal. In discovering the power of my words I have revealed what makes me tick. In doing this I have been able to arm myself with the knowledge of what helps me; what makes me crazy, and then I can boldly face the enemy which I call grief.

In surrounding myself with loving people that listen to my story, hear my moans and groans, wipe my tears, make no judgments and “walk the walk” with me. I have truly been blessed by being able to lean on my wonderful husband who also battles his own grief, but I have found that my friends who have been there are my true  anchors because they realize that our heartache and tears are a tribute to what we have lost. We each acknowledge that the depth of our pain testifies to the depth of our loss. My grief gives my loss a“fix” or take my grief I don’t want anyone to “fix” or take my grief away; with each minute I have learned that I have been able to adjust to the loss of my son. Remember don’t let anyone hurry you, be on your own timetable. Go at your own pace.

Start counting how grateful you are. How grateful am I to have a husband who has never left my side and one remaining child, a daughter; she has chosen life after burying her only brother. Above all take the time to peek into your heart and begin counting some of the blessings that you have been ignoring. Yes, I have been robbed of my son along with many, many of my hopes and dreams but my heart gets a jump-start when I acknowledge the blessings that also are a part of my life. When I acknowledge my blessings I can feel their soothing embrace and that strength infuses in me. I have learned that when I sense the ‘blahs’ approaching, and I have to do is reach out and grab one of the trusty gifts and feel its healing power.

Revive the spirit; perhaps you too, can break out of your grief shell. Keep moving. I have learned when I am grieving, there is no such thing as too much physical exercise. Get yourself up and moving, even if it’s just walking around the block. In my darkest days I have found that in walking I can cry my eyes out and be myself.

These are just a very few of the things that have helped me through my grief. Over 5 years ago  when I lost my son, I never imagined that I could or would be able to go on; but I have and you my friend will also.

In Loving Memory of My Son

James