Lamps on the Path

• Accept the grief. Roll with the tides of it. Do not try to be brave. Take time to cry.

• Talk about your loss. Share your grief within the family. Do not try to protect them by silence. Also find a friend to talk to. Talk often. If the friend tells you to "snap out of it," find another friend.

• Deal with guilt, real of imagined. You did the best you could at the time. If you made mistakes, accept the fact that you, like everyone else, are not perfect. Only hindsight is 20-20. If you continue to blame yourself, consider professional or religious counseling. If you believe in God, a pastor can help you believe also in God's forgiveness.

• Keep Busy. Do work that has a purpose. Use your mind.

• Eat well. Grief stresses the body. You need good nourishment now more than ever, so get back to a good diet soon. Vitamin and mineral supplements may help.

• Exercise regularly. Exercise lightens the load through biochemical changes. It also helps you to sleep better. Return to an old program or start a new one. An hour-long walk everyday is ideal for many people.

• Nurture yourself. Each day try to so something good for yourself. Think of what you might do for someone else if they were in your shoes and then do that favor for yourself.

• Join a group of others who are sorrowing. Your old circle of friends may change. Even if it does not, you will need new friends who have been through your experience.

• Associate with old friends also. Some will be uneasy, but they will get over it. If and when you can, talk and act naturally, without avoiding the subject of your loss.

• Postpone major decisions. Wait before deciding whether or not to sell your house or to change jobs.

• Record your thoughts in a journal. Writing helps you get your feelings out. It also shows your progress.

• Turn Grief into creative energy. Find a way to help others-sharing someone else's load will lighten your own. Write something as a tribute to your loved one.

• Take advantage of a religious affiliation. If you have been inactive, this might be the time to become involved again. For some people, grief opens the door to faith. After a time, you might not be as mad at God as you once were.

• Get professional help if needed. Do not allow crippling grief to continue. There comes a time to stop crying and live again. Sometimes just a few sessions with a trained counselor will help a lot.

No matter how deep your sorrow, you are not alone. Others have been there and will help share your load if you will let them.

An excerpt from a booklet entitled Healing Grief, third edition by Amy Hillyard Jensen