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| | From: Andyhunt74 (Original Message) | Sent: 1/17/2008 9:25 PM |
I miss you my baby. I miss your smile, your laughter, your funny kisses. I miss singing and reading to you. I miss you shaking your head no and laughing when I asked you if you loved me. I'm sorry I did'nt hear you crying sweetie. I'm sorry I did'nt force the doctors to do more for you.
My heart feels nothing as I think you took it with you. Thank you for all the little messages you've sent please send some more.
I don;t know why darling but I don't feel you with me and I don't understand why that is. I hope you can see me looking at the sky and stars each night and blowing you kisses.
I love you my baby, I'll always love you. I miss you so very much. I hope the time we had together you were happy and I hope you know how much I love you.
Your brother Joshua misses you but I don't think he rally understands whats happended. Ben from school misses you too.
I love you my little munchkin I miss me being the huggy and kissie munster. I miss everything even your crying.
I love you and always will for the rest of my life and beyond.
Till I see you again sweetie and hold you in my arms.
Love, Kisses, Hugs forever xxxxx From Mummy |
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Dear Jacob Mummy again darling. I went to a medium tonight but you never came through, I was onging to hear from you now I'm so confused. I know you love me munchkin. Is it because I'm not ready. I know your with my nanna ad I hope your happy and free and able to do everything you could'nt before. I miss you munchkin my precious little angel. I look at your pictures and feel such unbearable pain. I touch your things and my heart feels like it's being ripped from me. I kiss your ashes and your picture each night. Did you know you were going darling, is that why we had such a good night together the day before. Is that why I went to my own bed at 1am from yours whilst you were poorly. Is that why I never heard you crying in the early hours just before daddy went to work. Was I not meant too. I've been told that I wasn't meant to as the angels were waiting with you till grandad keith came for you is that true? Did you take your last breathe in my arms like I believe? Do you blame me for saying I would never let anything bad happen to you and it did? Did you have pain sweetie went you went, I'm sorry I wasn't in the room with you. I did'nt know this would happen my darling. I miss you so very much. Will this pain ever lessen? Will I ever be able to think of you without crying? Will I see you again? Are you with me my sweetest Jacob? I can't feel you round me is this because of the way I feel? Did you want to go munchkin? Did you love mummy and daddy whilst you were here? I've so many questions Jacob and I don't know how to answer them. I hope and pray you know how much I love you, how much you mean to me, how unhappy I've become without you. My life has been yours for nearly four years and now I don't know what to do. I love you my darling my angel my munchkin.
Do you remember our afternoon naps when I would sing the ugly duckling song and martha's harbour. Or when I told you the story of the three little pigs and you would laugh at the funny voices. I yawn in the middle of the songs when I sing them to you now is that you letting me know your there.
Do you remember at school when you had your first go on a trike and when you took your first steps in the walking frame. I was and am so proud of you. You never let your disability stop you and for that I'll be forever thankful.
You did not cause me stress and your were never a burdon. I took great pride in everything you acheived.
Do you remember swimming with Aunty Lol and the Humpty Dumpty song splashing across the pool, how much did you love swimming. I can still picture your face and I hope that image stays with me forever.
Do you remember sitting on my knee and I'd read you storys. or when we painted and both ended up a mess.
Do you remember all the good things. I know there were bad times, just know this through the bad times I still loved you.
Do you remember when mummy would be tired I hope you did;nt leave because of this mummy would have got past it I always did did'nt I.
I'm sending you kisses baby, I'm sending you hugs every hour of every day till we are together united once again.
Love, kisses and hugs from the huggy munster your mummy always Jacob xxxxxx
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