Child Loss -- Greiving with the family

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THE DAY OUR BOBBY'S JOURNEY BEGAN WAS THE DAY PART OF OUR LIVES ENDED.....

My Bobby had chronic back and leg pain for several years. I took him to neurologists, pain management clinic, and they even sent him to a shrink. Just to look at him most of the time, you would never know anything was wrong because he was not a complainer. He was on some pretty strong pain medication, but most of the time it did very little for his pain. The day before he passed away, I took him to the pain management clinic again, and they started him on a duragesic pain patch. He felt better than he had felt in months. He even trimmed one of my trees. He told me it was good to have less pain.

Then, the next afternoon at about 2:15, I stopped by his house on my way to work, as I often did. His wife had gone to fill out an application for a house they both wanted to rent. I knew something was wrong when I pulled up because he usually came to meet me. I went up to the door and knocked, no answer. I looked through the glass in the door and saw him lying on the floor. I got this very strange feeling I can't explain. I went in and tried to arouse him, but it was no use. I have been trained in CPR, but nothing I did helped him. I called 911. I was so upset I couldn't remember the address. I somehow got cut off. I called back and they said they had the address and the ambulance was on its way. The EMT's worked on him for several minutes, and got no response. They asked me what I wanted them to do. I told them to do everything they could, and they did. I could tell from looking at their instruments that it wasn't working. I said 'You're not getting anything, are you'? They shook their head and said, 'No, Mam', to which I replied, 'I didn't think so.' I raced to the ER behind the ambulance and called my husband on the way. I dreaded for the Drs. to come out because I knew what they would say. And they did. My son was already gone before he got there. They said they worked on him extra long because of his age.

The hardest thing we have ever had to do in our lives was to call our two daughters, and our son, and tell them that their brother, whom they loved so very much, was gone.. . They almost worshipped their big brother. It was also hard for my daughter-in-law and us to tell their three children that their daddy was gone. May 2, 2001 was indeed the worst day of my life. If I had just gotten there a few minutes sooner, maybe I could have helped my son.

Bobby O'Brian Lackey

July 27, 1960~~~May 2, 2001

Forever loved and missed!

To this day I still do not know what happened and why he left us.

Bobby was also an 11 year cancer survivor. He had his entire jaw bone removed.

The memorial service was held in the chapel of Myers Funeral Home, in Porterville, California, on Monday, May 7, 2001

The Wedding August 9, 2003

My grandaughter, was beautiful, simply radiant. I was ushered in by my Bobby's son, Bobby II, my husband, Patrick escorted Jessica. As they were coming down the isle, I almost burst into tears. Not only for happiness for her, (my hubby looked pretty good too) but also for her Dad, who should have been there.

It was a beautiful ceremony. Complete with candle lighters, 4 bridesmaids and groomsmen, ring bearers, flower girl. The look on Roberts face when he saw her for the first time in her bridal gown as she started down the isle, was pure love and pride.

It was really neat to see my husband dance with our Jessica at the reception. Before we left, I told her I love her and gave her a hug and kiss and told her to be happy. She said, "I am. I love you too." It was obvious by the glow on her face and the gleam in her eye, that she was happy. We told Robert that we love him and welcomed him into the family.

After we left the reception, my husband took off his boutinier and said that he would like to put it on Bobbys grave. I told him it was getting too late and the gate would be locked.

So, Sunday, after church we stopped by and we both put our flowers there for our Bobby.

It was so very touching as my husband squated down and said, "Son, your daughter was beautiful last night at her wedding. This is for you, son. I love you". After we left, he said 'I think Bobby heard me'.

Anyway, it has been a while since I have seen that much emotion from him.

I am a lucky woman to have the opportunity to love them so much.

All in all, it was a very nice evening, and for a little while, I was able to smile and be happy.

Love and hugs

Rean

A Pleasant Surprise June 11, 2004

Two weeks ago, quite unexpectedly, our 17 year old grandson, whom we had not seen since he was a baby, showed up at our door. His mom had moved out of town with him and we did not know how to contact them.
He had never met any of our side of the family. He kept bugging his mom until she finally decided it was time to fill him in. I just wish she would have done that sooner so he could have known his dad, my Bobby. And could have attended his sister, Jessica's, wedding.

We went to his high school graduation last week and he is leaving today to go to college for Aviation Technology. We are so proud of him and so happy that he came to see us. I know his dad, would be proud also.

He was raised an only child and wanted to know if he had brothers and sisters. He was very happy when he finally met up with all of them at my grandaughters house. Night before last, he spent the night with us and we had a bbq to celebrate my daughters birthday and he got to meet lots of cousins and both my daughters. We had a wonderful time. He is really a great kid, or I should say, young man.

Adam is my Bobby's oldest son, and he has a lot of his dad's traits. At times he would say something and it would sound just like something his dad would have said. And, he really has a lot in commom with his new-found brother, B.J., and sisters, Jessica and Brittaney. He even went to the cemetary and took flowers to his dad's grave. My grandaughter told him all about my parents (his great-grandparents) and brother who are buried close to Bobby.

His mom said his feet still have not touched the ground since he contacted us.

That is such a lovely story, thank you so much for sharing it with us. How wonderful for you to finally meet such a lovely young man.

It's such a shame how families lose touch, but in your case it's such a blessing to be re-united.

On August 23, 2007...My Bobby's daughter, Jessica had a little baby boy whom they named Donovan Noah. This this made Bobby's 4th grandchild, and the first grandson. He would be so happy and proud. It breaks my heart that my Bobby is not here to enjoy his grandchildren, and that they will never know their grandpa Bobby.

thank you for letting us into your life and Bobby's.

It is surely an honor. Thank you. Lis

Thank you Lis....It is a priveledge to share him with my friends who understand and care. Those who know the pain of loosing our child.

Love and hugs...Rean

What a wonderful son; I know you are and will always be so very proud of him...hold onto those precious memories my friend...

My friend..how beautiful...I know that your Bobby lives on through his children and grandchildren...that is such a blessing...you are so right...he wasn't a baby....but he was your baby...he wasn't a child...but he was one of your children....don't we have beautiful memories of our angels in heaven...with love and thoughts of you always..Sherry

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