I Wish I Could Have Known You...........
             Alzheimer's: through the  eyes of a caregiver

I wish I could have known you
as the person you once were...

   When you stroke my face and call me mother,
   do I really remind you of her?
   or are you just wishing in loneliness?
   Not for me, but for another?

When you call me a name
that is not my own,
I wish I knew who that person was
that you are missing so much-
and has you feeling alone.

   When you cradle that doll
   so gently in your arms,
   are you thinking of your children
   and smiling at their charms?

And those tears that sometimes
fall from your eyes,
can only leave me guessing
about why you cry?

   Are you sad about something
   that happened long ago-
   or are you sad because something is not right,
   and somehow, you know?

When you hit me tonight
and your anger swelled,
were you angry at me, or at
your own private hell?

   As you pace the halls, you say,
   "C'mon, there are chores to be done!"
   I bet you were a hard worker-
   in the house, in the barn, under the sun.

As you lay in your bed
and sleep for awhile-
then get up and wander
for mile after mile...

   I wonder if you just wake up
   really thinking it's time to go-
   and so you are walking somewhere in exhaustion,
   but, you'll never get there, you just don't know.

Your frustration is great as you
battle this disease-
It's ugly, cruel and incredibly sad,
as all of us so plainly see.

   But, you are the one who lives it-
   just what's going on in your mind?
   I will look beyond the things you do,
   and sometimes your pain will be mine.

For there are times you do things
that you never would have done
in all the years gone by-
so we help you through with dignity kept
and then sit back and sigh...

   And when I see you smile or laugh-
   I'm so glad you have had that moment.
   When tears fall or anger comes-and I can help-
   I thank God my time has been well spent.

The person you were was unique,
with so many memories made.
I pray that those memories fill your mind
to help you through saddest of days.

   Through it all, I'll be your caregiver.
   I'll be your mother, your  daughter or child.
   I'll strive to make happy moments and smiles
   and pray for wisdom when times get wild.

And so, I will walk with you, talk with you,
and have tea parties at two a.m.
we will play ball and tell some jokes...
and we will do it again and again...

   Then I will sing with you and dance with you
   and recite silly little rhymes you love.
   I will say prayers with you and hold your hand
   and ask for answers from above.

But, I wish I could have known you
as the person you once were...
Sometimes, I think I catch a glimpse
and I know you a little more.

   As you relive those tiny bits of your past
   oh, I listen and watch so close;
   So I can learn just a little bit more
   about how I can help you the most.

I pray to God daily for patience and wisdom
to guide me through this Alzheimer's maze,
and for Him to be with you and fill you
with peace-
in your heart, in your mind, in your soul-
all the rest of your days.

But, I wish I could have known you.........

                                By   Cindy Carey