Those of us who have lost a loved one, don't feel that understanding is to much to ask for, but, unfortunately, no one can understand unless they have been where we have been.....and I hope they never are...
About a year before my son died, a very good friend of mine lost her son suddenly...I told her that I can't say that I understand or that I know how she feels, because I had not been there. She said she hoped I never knew.
After my son died, I mentioned this converstaion to her, she said that she remembered it and hoped that I never could say I understand.
When my sister lost her oldest child, her son, when his car was hit by a train....I did not understand what she was going through...we had always been so close, but, this time, I could not help her, and I felt so bad about that....I told her that all I could do was to just be there for her...and, to my surprise, she said, 'That is a lot'. And, I did not understand.
But, I do understand....now....though we never can know exactly how anyone feels because we are not inside their head, we can understand how they feel.....but, only if we have been there.
I wish you peace and gentle healing from your pain.
Love and hugs....Rean