Forgiveness is, at the same time, a pure, supernatural giving: the receiver doesn't deserve it; the giver wants nothing for it. It's not a thanksgiving, because that's the return of one goodness for another. It's not a purchasing price, not even the price of marital pece, becaue that is hoping to buy one goodness with another. Forgiveness is not a good work which expects some reward in the end, because that motive focusus upon the giver, while this kind of giving must focus completely upon the receiver, the one receiving the gift, the one who sinned. The forgiver cannot say, "Because I have given something to ou, now you must give something to me." That's no gift at all.

Rather, forgiveness is giving love when there is no reason to love and no guarantee that love will be returned. The person is simply not lovable right now! Forgiveness is repaying evil with kindness, doing all the things that love requires--even when you don't feel the love; for you can do love also in the desert days when you don't feel loving.

Only when a pure, unexpected, unreasonable, and underserved gift-giving appears in the relationship does newness enter in and healing begin. This is grace. Only when the person has heardhis sin, so that he might anticipate, under the law, some retribution, but receives instead the gestures of love--only then can he begin to change and grow in the same humility which you has shown him. Finally, gift-giving is the greatest sacrifice of all, for it is the complete "giving away" of one's self.

Walter Wangerin Jr., As For Me And My House (1987)