Hi Annie
Thanks for your message. It has helped me as I have another son who is nearly two and I keep saying he doesn't need me as much as Jacob did with Jacob having cerebral palsy. My son Joshua has been very clingy lately and I forget that even though he is young he still misses his brother. I talk to Joshua about Jacob but I don't know if this is the right thing to do as I may be confusing him, but I don't want him to forget he has an older brother.
When I put Joshua to bed I'll say lets say goodnight to Jacob and he waves at the stars. I'm worried I'm going to screw him up.
Your right there are lots of reasons that you can think of as to why this happened to all of us. I suppose I'm all over the place as Jacob could'nt speak and I don't really know how he felt about things. He was ill for two months prior to his passing and I had him at the hospital constantly trying to find out what was wrong and nobody knew. There are a lot of what if's. I keep telling myself that Jacob was my special child and I should have lost him at birth but god heard our prayers and thankfully I got to spend 3 years with him.
I'm so sorry about Timothy. I am so proud of Jacob like I'm sure you are of Timothy for all that they endured. I'm determined to make Jacob proud of me I'm changing my career as I feel I've wasted my life prior to my children, to that of helping children with special needs as I feel I need to pass on everything I learned with having Jacob to someone else. Maybe then when I've learned the lesson I'm here to learn I'll be reunited with him.
Timothy, you and your family are united with Jacob in my prayers. |
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