Secretary's Rules for the Boss
Never give me work, in the morning. Always wait until 4 PM and, then, bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
If it is really a rush job, run in and interrupt me (every 10 minutes) to inquire how it is going. That helps. Even better, hover behind me and advise me at every keystroke.
Always leave without telling anyone where you are going. It gives me a chance to be creative, when someone asks where you are.
If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies, do not open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors, with no arms, is good training; in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.
If you give me more than one job to do, do not tell me which is priority. I am psychic.
Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.
If you do not like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.