I have been watching what pweople would post, entire, or partial testimonies and also praying what I should write.  So here goes.

 

I was born out of wedlock.  My father rejected me when he found out I was another girl.  He had 5 girls from his x-wife. My mom had 4 kids from her x-husband.

 He was a very abusive alcoholic to my mom and us kids.  My mom finally gave him 2 boys after me.  When I was 3 he tried to commit suicide while we were all in the car.  I was in the front seat next to my mom who was driving, he was in the passenger seat.  They talked him out of it, and when he went to put the gun up, the gun went off.  The bullet went through his arm and and while I was waving bye to friends, the bullet hit me in my forearm.   I was told it was 3-4 inches from my heart when the bullet hit me. (HAND OF GOD) 

My mom finally left him because of the abuse.  When I was six, six of her children were taken away from her and out in foster care for 2 years.  While I was in FC I was molested by the foster parents older son.  I was in a home seperated from my other siblings.  (Why, satan was after me, I know this now)  After 2 years she got us back on the grounds her worker had no reasonable recourse to remove us from our mothers care. (another attack from satan)  When she got us back, family members began to molest me (cousins, uncles, and one older brother). 

At the age of 12, I tried to kill myself by taking a bottle of tylenol. (all it did was make me sleep, only 12 was in bottle, another hand of God) 

 

At the age of 15, I started messing around with witchcraft.  The sexual abuse was still going on and I wanted to hurt them as much as they were hurting me.  I began doing spells and chants, ouija boards, seances, etc.  It really began to control me.  I had a friend whose father was a pastor.  A she began ministering to me and I ate it all up(seed planted, Thank God).  Still I was bound by anger and resentment.

 

At 16 I tried to kill myself  again, this time I jumped out of my window in our 2-story house.  All I did was hurt my ankle. (Again the hand of God)  A few months later is when I told my mom about one of the guys sexually abusing me.  She tried to press charges but the statue of limitations were up. (Thank God they changed that)  So again I felt  useless and abused.  I felt no one believed me.  Depression overtook me.  I got deeper in the occult. 

 

My mom began going to church and having prayer/bible meetings in our house.  I would either lock myself in my room or leave.  (YOU CAN"T RUN FROM GOD, HE RUNS FASTER!!!!)

 

At 17, I met my husband.  Right before we had gotten married his sisters husband raped me.  Of coarse I did not tell anyone, because I felt who would believe me.  My husband was an alcoholic and drug abuser.  He was mentally and emotionally abusive to me.  I loved him so much I hated him.  When he was passed out from a drunk I would beat him while he slept. 

 

I had 2 kids.  At 24 I was pregnant for my second child, after I had filed for divorce.  I didn't tell my husband I was pregnant, and I had scheduled an abortion. Needless to say, it never went through. (The hand of God again)  We got back together, but things were never the same till...

 

2 years later I filed for divorce again.  This time I had my own place, and a good job to support us.  I wanted nothing from my husband.  BUT Gods ways or not our ways, right.  (Thats why I say he has a sense of humor)  3 months later, the Lord made me go back.  To this day I say it was him, I wanted nothing to do with John.  For 2 months I slept on the sofa.  I just new this was not going to work. The trust was gone.  I would look at him with hate and disgust.  But God would not let me leave. Well, he quit drinking and doing drugs.  about 6 months later I began to trust him again.  This was very hard.   I loved this man like I never loved anyone.  

 

About 6 months later my oldest son was about 4 years old, and began seeing things in his room. One day he came told me there was a black man in his room saying that he was going to take him to heaven.  This paniced me.  There was no wway anyone could get into this house.  I was also seeing things, and hearing things.  I had stopped messing with witchcraft around the age of 21.  But I knew what was happening.  I called my brother who was studying to be a Pastor in Oklahoma, and he told me to call someone close to me they knew.  this person then led me to a deliverance minister.  I called this man, and when he came to bless my house.  I opened the door, and there were two men who were there.  The glow that surrounded them was so amazing.  I wanted what they had.  the peace, and the love I felt was so overwhelming.  They prayed over my house, and told me to get rid of a couple things, vampire dolls, (my son was so amazed by witches, vampires, and evil things at 4 years old.

 

We started going to this church.  As they say, the rest is history.

 

there is testimony about me being hurt by the church, but it is long, and all of the blame isn't all them.  When your not in God's will, He will allow things to happen to you.  another story, another day.

 

 

We have lost alot, we have gained alot, but The most precious thing I have is the faith of knowing who my Jesus is. 

 

 

love,

Tammy