Before and After

Camp 2006 was amazing. I met so many amazing new friends, many amazing leaders, and one marvelous God. I came expecting a move in my life, and God exceeded my expectations.

 A year and a half ago, I was called into the ministry. Of course, for a long time after that I was a blazin fireball, but then slowly that fire became non-existent. I started to lose the drive that I once had for Christ, and went into a direction that only lead me to a dead end. I went to a place, I never wanted to be in. I reached a point where I just really didn't care anymore, I started cursing excessively (which everyone who knows me, knows thats definitely not who I am), I was two-faced--living one life with one group of friends, and then another one with my other group of friends, and I had put on a mask-not wanting to show anybody how I was really feeling inside.  

I knew the way I was living was wrong, and hypocritical. Every time I would try to stop, I would be good for about a month or two and then just start it all up again. School had ended, and camp was coming up. I was so excited for camp, ready to breakaway, meet new friends, and just let God completely work in my life. (at this point I was desperate for Jesus). I had been workin on my language and the way I was living before camp. And most of all I had an expectant heart, ready and willing to let God do in me all that He wanted to do. Camp started off amazing, I was loving it since I first stepped off the bus. I knew that this week, my life was going to change. 

The services were great from the get go, Jayme Montera was the speaker, and I had heard him at camp one time before..and he was great. Monday night service was the first night that I had really felt God for a long time. It was refreshing. God broke away those chains that were holding me down from being passionate and intimate with Him...and I wanted more, but God told me, "Wait, theres more to come."

Tuesday night service, I could feel God, but nothing really that special stood out to me, He was still working in me. Wednesday night service, God ripped the pride outta me (I'm so grateful), and I was dancing, lookin like a fool, but a fool for Him. God was just overflowing me with joy and peace. Thursday night, last service. At first, I wasn't feeling anything, and when everyone else is around you crying..and you're just standing there, you begin to feel like, okay so something's gotta be wrong with me here! I don't feel one little thing. Jayme calls the youth pastors to the stage, and shortly after that everyone who feels the fire of God to come, but if you didn't, don't come to the altar. Then a little bit after that he calls everyone. I go to the altar, lay flat on my face, and just pray to God, asking Him to move in me...and then eventually just shutting up and listening to see if God has anything to say. nothing. So then Jayme calls us up to pray for our youth pastor. Then he tells all the campers to go to this one corner in the room. The leaders and staff make a prayer tunnel and are given oil to pray and anoint us...still not feeling anything at this time. And then Jayme says to us to just focus on God, and to be ready to feel God. So I look to one of my friends and say, "Why am I not feeling anything?" and they say, "Alicia, I don't know." So I was like okay, and I just start praying. 5 minutes later, all these thoughts start coming to my head, things that are shameful, that I had thought and said. I felt so ashamed. Then all of a sudden, I break down, it felt as if God was taking my heart and just breaking me down before Him.

My prayer was that God would just consume all the doors in my life, I've opened them up for Him and I just want him to take complete control of all of it. My life is in His hands, not mine. It wasn't mine in the first place. I was completely surrendering my life to Him. When I got into that tunnel, God was so alive, I could feel Him just pouring Himself upon me.

No words can fully explain how amazing and how powerful God was that night. When I went all the way through the tunnel..I found a place at the altar, broken hearted before God and I just pray. When I stand up and turn around, there is my most wonderful and beautiful cousin, Rachel, we give each other a hug, and right when that happens words just start flowing out of my mouth about how God has such an amazing plan and purpose for her life, and how God is going to use her, and how no matter what, continue letting God be her encouragement and never let go and lose sight of God, etc. There were other things that I felt lead by God to do that night, and I was obedient to Him.

That night had changed my life, forever. I had made a forever, never ending, everlasting decision that night. And that was that my sole purpose in life was to live my life for Christ, and to live for Him always, and in everything I do, let it be that it brings glory to His name. I've been called into ministry, I believe working with the youth, and worship. The fire that is inside me, will never be non-existent, it will be a blazing fire, for all the days of my life.

Now that I've been home, things have been great. I can feel Gods presence, when I'm just in my room praying, I know He's there. He's always there.

There is a guys xanga site that I do read pretty often, He writes things that God puts on his heart.

Here are some things from past entries of His that I love.

"Once you've walked in God's will for your life, the second you step out of it nothing feels right. and it won't. until you step back into His will. Why? Because there is nothing better. The feeling of being out of His will once you've tasted how good being in it is, is terrible. Filled with confusion, and hurt. It's a feeling of being lost and seeming like you're headed no where fast. It's a feeling of having no purpose. A feeling of emptiness. But you know what the best part is? As soon as you recognize that the reason you are feeling all of those things is because you aren't walking the path that God has for you, all you have to do is ask Him to lead you back to that path. He will. and it will be the most amazing feeling you could ever experience. seek after His plans for your life, He'll show you them. Don't get discouraged if you can't figure it out, take it one step at a time, He'll be leading you even when you don't know it as long as you are seeking after Him.

Jeremiah 29:11 "I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out -- plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you hope and a future."

1 Kings 11:38 "If you do whatever I command you and walk in my ways and do what is right in my eyes by keeping my laws and commands, as david my servant did, I will be with you. I'll build you a kingdom as solid as the one I built for David, Israel will be yours."

That's one, here's another. Please bare with me..I know this is a long one.

This is part of one.

He (God) created you exactly the way He wanted you to be, an if you let Him, He'll continue to mold you into the person that He created you to be. Accept that He has a future planned out for you that is greater than anything you could ever imagine. Accept that He will take you there, one step at a time, as long as your focus remains on Him.

But first you have to let go. Let go of the security that you find in your comfort zone. Let go of the selfishness and the pride. let go of the fear. Let go of the loneliness. let go of it all...let go of your life. (it's not your to hold on to in the first place).

I know its a long post, I just felt like a lot of these things needed to be said.

God Bless&much love.