Divas....40 & Over

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... the cast of characters for this earth-stage I find myself on …my mom; me, the oldest; my middle sister, who owns the apartment I am living in and the furniture I have been using for 2+ years; and the 5^th sister, the baby, rachel …

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rachel, left her husband and came crying to me, begging me to let her move in … I had concerns, but said yes … she moved in and the 2^nd night, she had a guy over till 2 in the morning … I couldn’t sleep. The next day, she asked me if I minded him coming over … I said, no, but asked that maybe he wouldn’t stay so late, as I couldn’t sleep and had to get up early to go to work. She said, ok, how about 11 at night? Sounded good to me … she said, it is so good we can talk like this … I agreed …

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The next night, he slept over night … I was upset, not only that he stayed overnight, but that we had just talked about it the night before (he is not the one I wanted moving in) …

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The next day, when she knew I was upset, we both agreed it wasn’t going to work … she was so mad at me, she moved her stuff out, without a word or look …

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About a week later, a message on my machine, from my sister who owns the apartment … she said, I sold the bedroom and entertainment center to rachel (the one who stayed with me), I am sorry … she couldn’t even talk to me in person, but called when she knew I was at work … to top it off, I learned that it was my mother who suggested it to rachel … and deep down, i feel that she did it to get back at me, as she could have had any bedroom set and entertainment center in the world, but instead wanted the ones i had been using ...

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my sister who owned the furniture, never once mentioned that she wanted to sell, as I would have bought it in a heartbeat … and, maybe it is me, but I think, I feel, that courtesy would have dictated that, once she decided to sell, she might have asked me if I wanted to buy it, seeing I had been using it for so long …

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the worst thing I could have ever done was to take her in … I guess I feel a bit betrayed by my family, I know I have to let go, maybe over-reacting … but * sigh *

Deb, this does not sound like an overreaction to me but some real thoughtlessness and lack of consideration for you by your family...frankly I'd sit down with each face to face, alone and let them know, calmly just how you feel, use "I statements...I really felt hurt that you did not call me before..." and so on. Otherwise you are probably going to keep this bottled up and let it fester...if you can't do it face to face..maybe write a letter to each...hugs, grace

That is really bad. If you can, sit down and talk to each person involved; on a one-to-one basis first, to see what they have to say about it, and then call a group meeting.

Good luck in resolving everything,

I would probably asked the older sis "Are you buying new furniture for the apt? I'll help you pick it out. Maybe I'll buy something for myself that I like." Does any of the family know the little sis had strange men stay in your home? I would let them know your side of the story.

It's always hard to have family disputes.My mom always took my lil sis's side. I hope you can work it out. bonnie

Deb- This is wrong what has happened. It sounds to me like your sister that moved out may have told another story about you.You need to let them know what has happened since she moved in. The sister who owns the apt. should have offered you the furniture first, its sounds like it was done in spite. I would definitely call your family up before you let these things leave your apartment. Tell them about the man and his sleeping over after agreeing on a 11:00 time. This is plain childish on your familys part! Don't let them walk all over you Angelbear

well, Angelbear, the furniture is already gone, as of last night ... but i have written a letter, as Gracehatter suggested (i could not meet face to face, yet) ... and i didn't want to wait too long before expressing myself, because i could feel the festering, growing and growing ...

but i thank you all for letting me express myself to you (especially since i don't post all that often), that felt good to my heart and soul ... i guess i just needed some validation, to know that i wasn't just being over-sensitive ... i thank you all for the suggestions and concerns that you took the time to post ... i have taken them all to heart ... thank you ...

Sounds like being the oldest they feel you can take it. Try to meet with one on one in a neutral place ( coffee shop) or someplace where they won't create a scene & talk it out. Chances are they will blame you for everything. I had a similar situation years ago & needed a therapist present to keep it from escalating into a screaming match.

I know it will be difficult bit don't give up.

Anxiously waiting for the next chapter.....

Time to have a talk with EVERYONE !!! to clear the Air and move on ! and to find out why they are doing what they did??? I know your half hurt and mad @ the same time you gotta all talk and go forward !

I SOOO AGREE WITH WHAT THE DIVAS HAVE SAID. THEY HAVE GIVEN GOOD ADVICE. I HOPE YOU CAN USE IT AND MAKE THINGS RIGHT WITH YOUR FAMILY, WE ALL NEED OUR LOVED ONES, AND OFCOURSE THEY ARE THE ONES THAT HURT US THE MOST. HUGS AND PRAYERS COMING YOUR WAY. PLEASE... LETS KNOW HOW IT ALL WORKS OUT.

Let us know what happens and remember we are all here for you whenever... Angelbear

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