If (or is it when) Women Rule The World...

PMS would be a legitimate defense in court.

Men would get reputations for sleeping around.

Fewer women would be dieting because their ideal weight standard  would increase by 40 pounds.

"Ms." Magazine would have an annual swimsuit issue featuring scantily clad male models.

Men would not be allowed to eat gas-producing foods within two hours of bedtime.

Men would be secretaries for female bosses, working twice as hard for none of the credit.

Little girls would read "Snow White and the Seven Hunks"

Men would earn 70 cents for every dollar women made.

Men would bring drinks, chips and dip to women watching soap operas.

Men would be judged entirely by their looks, women by their accomplishments.

All toilet seats would be nailed down.

Men would work on relationships as much as they work on their careers.

Overweight men would have their weight brought to their attention constantly.

After a baby is born, men would take a six-week paternity leave to wait on their wives hand and foot.

For basic training, soldiers would have to take care of a two-year olds for six weeks.

Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.  If it's up, put it down. Gravity is on your side.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

Sometimes, we are not thinking about you.  Live with it.

Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR.

Sunday = sports.  It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.....Really.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want.  Let us be clear on this one:  Subtle hints do not work!  Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! ...Just say it!

We don't remember dates.  Mark birthdays and anniversaries on our calendar.  Remind us frequently beforehand.

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops.  What makes you think we'd be  any good at choosing which pair, out of your thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what  we do.  Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 12 months is a problem.  See a doctor.

Check your oil.  Please!

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,  all comments become null and void after 24 hours.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like Soap Opera guys.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.

Let us ogle.  We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both.  If you already know best how  to do it, ....just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months  we were going out.  Get over it.  And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.  We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched.  We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be.  Our lack of  mind-reading  ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.  We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle to find out what "nothing" is.

I AM in shape.  - ROUND is a shape.

Now go back to your corners and come out laughing.