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| | From:  Geaniene (Original Message) | Sent: 1/7/2007 8:14 PM |
This is my personal journal. If you wish to make a comment on it, please feel free to do so. If you need to contact me privately, please email me at [email protected] |
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March 27, 2007 -Tuesday Spring is here and I have decided to clean house. Not my actual house, but my mental state. I am really getting sick of each day playing out like a repeat of the day prior. It's like I am looking at some type of instructions that lead to nothing, but I keep reading them over and over and over again....of my own free will which makes me sick. After seeing all the health problems my mother has, I know that those same problems are coming my way too. What? am I going to wait till them come then say "Well I should have done something about them in the past". The past is technically NOW. I have this fear that at the end of my life, I will have a ton of regrets. I don't want to waste this life that God gave me. Live life to it's fullest. I started to feel sorry for myself there for a few, until I went to a EDHS reunion page on MySpace. I cannot believe all the people who have passed away that I knew in HS. Makes my complaints seem selfish when put into that kind of comparison. It's a hard dose of "you life could be worse". Life today is going to be good, because I will make it good. g. |
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Nice to see you back on the boards Geaniene and that your cleaning your mental house Hugs Tiggy |
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Tuesday March 27th, 2007 Breakfast: nada Lunch: 1.5 pieces of pizza Dinner: HUGE julienne salad with 1 bowl of potato soup.
Tonight I am kinda in a funk. My SIL called to inform me that she is pregnant. I gave her my congrats, hung-up the phone......then promptly cried. I don't know why it made me cry.....it just did. I think with all the giving I have been dishing out here, I just wish something good would happen to me. I cried in front of hubby, but since he is sick......would not hug me. Of course he wanted a hug before "he" went to bed, but not when "I" needed it. That just f-ing pisses me off. It just seems I give and give and give......and get nothing in return. Vent done. |
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Thursday March 29th, 2007 The food I ate today (in no peticular order) 1 piece of cheese 3 pieces of city chicken 3 pierogie (potato) 2 tbsp of sour cream kraut pot pie Not a good eating day. I think due to the mini-argument I got into with my mother yesterday/today, I did some emotional eating today. I feel like crap now because of it. The food is sitting in my stomach like a lead weight. I just have to deal with my mother in a different way than I am used to. I am not having her do that silent treatment thing on me while she is living in this house. After yesterday, she needs to get back to therapy. I know she is not willing, but with the stuff that has happened in the past and her silent treatment to me, she has issues. I am going to have to talk to Jim about that too. I know that she is going to pull the "you can't make me" deal, but I think it is the least she can do since we opened our home to her. I am not going to have her tell me to take responsibility/apologize (which I have for my own actions) in the past, when she is the one who needs to make a effort and take accountablilty for her own actions. I am also not going to have a person give me the cold shoulder when I ask them what is wrong, and make me feel like it's my fault. I am done with that guilt trippy shit. This is why she needs to go back to therapy. To have someone teach her communication skills. Vent over. On the SIL being preggers, I am over that. I know that she wanted to tell the fam that she was preggers, but she is only 7 days preggers. Literally 7 days. I also did not like the way after telling me her exciting news, she asked when we were going to have a baby. People can be so stupid. Hello! -yes I would like to get preggers, but can't you see I am under some pretty big stress right now? No? That is because you have not called to see how I have been doing since this shit started.- Period. Vent over. I was invited to a bridal shower in April. It' is jim's cousin's fiances shower. I have once met the cousin (don't even remember what he looks like) and have never met the woman he is going to marry. I am choosing to send my regrets to this thing because of: a) I cannot stand bridal showers. b) This thing is like 50 miles away c) I don't know these people. I told jim that I was not going to go, and he wanted to object to that. He started saying "Well you have to go to 1 family function" (this is because I am choosing to not attend Easter "drink down" at his Aunt's house) this year. After I told him my reasons, and also stated that we are attending the wedding......he agreed with me. It's also because I am going to be selfish this year. I am getting sick of going to every single family thing that goes on. That is why my summer weekends are a blur. Too much shit going on. Tomorrow is friday, and I am getting happy about the weekend coming up. Tob wants to go out this weekend some night. Lot of yard cleanup to do, along with picking out seeds to plant. Fun, Fun, Fun! G |
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April 2, 2007 - Monday Starting weight: 253 Last week: 243 This week: 245 -ugh! 10%: 226 Goal: 160 I am starting this journal early this morning and will post up another one tonight. This weekend went well. The weather this Saturday/Sunday was AWESOME!! I love, love, love spring!! This past Friday, mom and I went to the city and signed papers for the demolishion of her house. I am glad that she is accepting this, but is still angry about having to go back to therapy. I basically told her that we (jim and I) are making sacrifices to make this situation work and she can too. She did not like it, but I am sticking to my guns on this one. Today the sun is shining and I am pysched to to the crunch challenge. I am going to do some this morning, and some later tonight. I know my stomach will feel it tomorrow. I am off to print my WW pt sheet and get this day started. Now, if I could find my MIA non-stick pan to make some eggs.....life would be complete. G |
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April 2nd, 2007-Monday Breakfast: 7.5pts Eggs (2)-4pts Provalone cheese 1 slice-2.5 Orange sections - 1pt Lunch: 6pts Onion bagel (1) - 4pts Cream Cheese - 2pts Dinner: 21pts Kaiser Roll - 4pts Burger (5oz) - 10.5pts Provalone cheese - 2.5pts Pickles - 0pts Peas (1cp) - 2 pts Kidney bean salad - 2pts Target points: 30 +Activity pts earned: 2 -Total used today: 34.5 Flexpoints used: 2.5 Exercise: 2 Mile WATP Water: 60 oz so far
Day #1 is under my belt!! Did 100% and I feel great about it! I was able to have a good mindset waking up with morning and I really think that helped with being about to set goals. Also getting in my exercise before I ate anything set a good foundation for the rest of the day. I feel really good and happy right now. Not sluggish like the rest of the days. I drank about 60oz of water and still want to get in some more. I can tell it's working, I am going to the bathroom like crazy.  I still have to get in my Crunches this evening. I wanted to do some this afternoon, but I was cleaning. I will make sure that before bed, I am doing at least 50. I will probably earn some type of AP doing it, so the above pts info might change. Eating was good today. I reviewed my log and see where I can make changes. Like the burger, which was too big and made from hamburger....not the lean stuff. If I do lean, I would have saved 2 pts. I happy with eating a orange and peas, not to mention the tomato/lettuce and onions that I put on the burger. It was SOOOO good. I might journal later......when I get the munchies!! G |
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