Why Johnny won't eat
By  Michele Bloomquist 
Reviewed By Charlotte Grayson, MD
on Monday, August 04, 2003
WebMD Feature

 

Three-year-old Brandon may grow up to be the next great culinary
critic. He knows exactly what the consistency of macaroni and cheese
must be, that hot dogs cannot have grill lines on them, and that corn
must never be served with the juice. While his mother Melissa is happy
that Brandon knows how to communicate what he wants, she is less than
pleased when he chooses to do so -- loudly -- in the middle of a
crowded restaurant.

Catharine's little gourmet, Fenner, has a different issue. She wants
to eat the same 10-15 foods over and over and over. Fenner basically
lives on Fig Newtons, peanut butter sandwiches, and fortified cereal.
Fruits and vegetables? No, thank you -- not this 3-year-old. To her
mom's dismay, little sister Ellen seems to be following in Fenner's
finicky footsteps.

While their experiences are common, the solutions are much debated.
Over the ages parents have tried everything from "You'll sit there
until you finish every bite on your plate" to "What do you want for
dinner, darling, ice cream or carrots?" The answer, says Elizabeth
Ward, MS, RD, a spokesperson for the American Dietetic Association,
lies somewhere in between those two extremes. Ward and other experts
offer parents the following menu of pick-and-choose advice to
broadening their child's food horizons.

Avoid the Power Struggle

One of the surest ways to win the battle but lose the war is to
engage in a power struggle with your child over food, says J
ody Johnston Pawel, LSW, CFLE, author of the book The Parent's
Toolshop. With power struggles you are saying, "Do it because I'm
the parent" and that's a rationale that won't work long, she says.
But if your child understands the why behind the rules, those values
can lay the groundwork for a lifetime of sound food choices, whether
you are there to enforce them or not, she says.

Let Kids Participate

Get a stepstool and ask your kids to lend a hand in the kitchen with
easy tasks, says Sal Severe, PhD, author of the book How to Behave So
Your Children Will, Too.

"If they participate in helping to make the meal, they are more
likely to want to try it," he says. It's also a great way to put the
ball back in the child's court when it comes to food preferences like
Brandon's, says Johnston Pawel. "Let him help drain the corn or pour
the milk into the macaroni and cheese. Then he is taking
responsibility for his preferences."

Don't Label

Severe reminds parents that, more often than not, kids under 5 are
going to be selective eaters.

"It's rare to have a child that will eat anything you put in front of
them. Being selective is actually normal," he says. Ward agrees. She
prefers the phrase "limited eater" instead of "picky" because it is
less negative.

Catharine has asked that her family not focus on Fenner's eating
habits. "I don't want her to become known as the famous family picky
eater," she says.

Nor does Catharine want Fenner to be lavished with praise for every
bite she eats. "I don't want her to get the message that she's good
or bad based on what she eats," she says.

Build on the Positives

"Often when I sit down with parents, we'll often find that their
child actually does eat two or three things from each food group,"
says Ward. Just as children can get great comfort out of reading the
same story over and over, they also enjoy having a set of
"predictable" foods.

"Even though they aren't getting a wide variety of foods, they
are actually doing OK nutritionally," says Ward. When the child goes
through a growth spurt and has a bigger appetite, use that opportunity
to introduce new foods to their list of old standbys, she says.

Expose, Expose, Expose

Ward says a child needs to be exposed to a new food between 10 and
15 times before he or she will accept it. But many parents give up
long before that, thinking their child just doesn't like it, she says.
So even if your child only plays with the strawberry on her plate,
don't give up. One day she just may surprise you by taking a bite.
However, don't go overboard and try to introduce three new foods at
every meal, says Severe. Limit exposure to one or two new foods a
week.

Don't Bribe

Avoid using sweets as a bribe to get kids to eat something else,
says Johnston Pawel. Doing so can send the message that doing the
right thing should involve an external reward. The real reward of
sound nutrition is a healthy body, not a chocolate cupcake, she
says.

Beware of Over-Snacking

Sometimes the problem isn't so much that the child doesn't like new
foods, it may be that they are already full, says Ward. A common
culprit is fluid. "Kids can consume a lot of their calories from milk
and juice," she says.

The same goes for snacks that provide little more than calories like
chips, sweets, and sodas. "If you are going to offer snacks, make
sure they are supplementing meals, not sabotaging them," Ward says.

Establish "Bottom-Line Limits"

Having a set of bottom-line limits can help a parent provide some
consistency, says Johnston Pawel. For example, some parents may have
the rule "nutritious foods before snack food." Or that kids have to at
least try a new food before rejecting it.

"Consistency only works if what you are doing in the first place is
reasonable," she says. So try to avoid overly controlling or overly permissive rules. If bottom-line limits are healthy, effective, and balanced, they'll pay off, she says.

Examine Your Role Model

Make sure you aren't asking kids to "do as I say, not as I do," says
Johnston Pawel. If your own diet is based mainly on fat, sugar, and
salt, you can hardly expect your child to embrace a dinner salad over
fries.

Defuse Mealtimes

Don't make your child's eating habits part of the mealtime discussion,
says Ward. Otherwise every meal becomes a stressful event, centered on
what the child does and does not eat. Ward suggests parents reserve
talks about the importance of good eating for later, perhaps at bedtime
or story time. Catharine says this approach has worked for her.
"I work hard to make it a nonissue," she says. "Otherwise it would
make me crazy."

Give It Time

"I find that children become much more open to trying new foods after
the age of 5," says Ward. "Most of the time kids will simply grow out
of limited eating," she says.

Catharine is looking forward to that day. "In the meantime, as long as
Fenner is growing and reaching all her developmental goals, I'm OK
with her eating the same foods over and over," she says.

Melissa says Brandon's somewhat eccentric demands are already
improving. She's been working with him to learn that while he can
have preferences, his every wish can't always be accommodated. A
recent outing to a restaurant provided a small victory when Brandon
was able to eat something even though it wasn't exactly as he wanted
it.

"Hang in there," Melissa advises other parents. "Make sure they know
you love them, stick to your guns, and it will all come out OK in the
end."

Orginally published June 4, 2001.
Medically updated Aug. 4, 2003.