Do you feel like you're stuck where you are, unable to move forward?
Does it seem that when you take two steps ahead you then fall back
three? Do you know precisely what you want to accomplish, and how to
do it, and yet you just cannot bring yourself to take the necessary
actions for a long enough period of time?
That feeling of being stuck is actually a very positive sign. It
means that you're truly ready to begin moving yourself forward. To
illustrate, let's look at an example. You get in the car, turn the
key, and nothing happens. Your battery is dead and your car won't
start. You are stuck. But you didn't realize you were stuck, you
didn't feel stuck, until you were ready to go somewhere. It's only
when you really are attempting to get somewhere, and are somehow
prevented from doing it, that you truly feel stuck.
So that feeling of being stuck means that there's somewhere you
really want to go, even if that somewhere is "anywhere but here." So
what's the next step? If the battery is dead, what needs to happen?
You need to get a jump start. But let's think for a moment about the
things that will NOT get you up and running.
Being angry at yourself will not get you going. You can fill yourself
with rage and resentment for leaving that light on, and still when
you turn the key nothing is going to happen. When you're feeling
stuck in your life, it can be easy to become angry with yourself.
After all, you're the person who is most responsible for getting you
where you are. Though it's useful and positive to accept that
responsibility, it's of no use to be angry about it. What's happened
has happened. The best you can do is to learn from it.
So accept responsibility for where you are, and then also accept the
reality of where you are, without fighting against it but rather with
a desire to truly do something positive about it.
When you're feeling stuck, it is very easy to blame others for your
situation. The process of assigning blame is not going to move you
forward. Sure, it can make you feel better to know that your troubles
are not entirely your own fault, but you'll still be stuck. In order
to get beyond being stuck, you must put your focus elsewhere.
Feeling sorry for yourself will not get you going. If your car
battery is dead, you can call your sister who lives two hundred miles
away and she can make you feel better by being very sympathetic over
the phone, but there's nothing she can do to get your car going. She
can encourage you to do something about it, and that encouragement
can be extremely useful, yet you're still going to need to go beyond
merely being encouraged and to actually do something about it.
Thinking of excuses will not get the car going. Certainly there are
things that stand in your way. The car is pulled into the garage and
will be difficult to reach with jumper cables. Yet you must view that
as an obstacle to be overcome rather than an excuse for not taking
action.
When your life seems to be stuck, it's easy to see all the things
standing in your way. One by one, these are things that must be
overcome if you are to move forward. Viewed together, they may indeed
appear to be insurmountable. But you don't have to conquer them all
at once. You're fully capable of working your way through one
obstacle after another, until you eventually make your way through
them all.
Positive thinking alone is not going to get the car going. Yes, it's
great to have a lot of positive ideas and plans for moving forward.
To actually move forward, though, you must act on those plans, you
must put those ideas into motion. Let positive thinking guide your
actions, and let your actions make those positive thoughts a reality.
So what exactly will get you moving ahead, past the point of being
stuck?
One of the most reliable ways to get beyond being stuck is to start
small. To illustrate this, let's look at another example. A week or
two ago, I needed to replace a steel cable. I had purchased a 12-foot
piece of this cable but I needed to cut it down to about 10 feet
long. The problem was, I didn't have a tool capable of cutting the
cable. So I took the "divide and conquer" approach. A steel cable is
actually made up of many, much smaller wires wound together. I did
have a wire cutter capable of cutting the smaller wires. So I used a
pair of pliers to untwist the strands, and then used my wire cutter
to cut each individual one. It took some time but eventually the
entire cable was cut to the length I needed.
Over the years, problems and challenging situations can build up and
twist together like the wires of a steel cable to the point where
they are holding you firmly in place. When you tug against the cable
itself, you simply do not have the strength to break free of it. Yet
if you look closely at that cable, you'll realize that it's made up
of small, vulnerable strands--strands that you can begin to break,
one by one. So start cutting those wires. It will take some time, yet
during that time you'll be building your confidence with each small
victory. And before long, you'll be moving rapidly ahead.
In order to move past being stuck, you need energy. There's plenty of
energy available to you, but much of it is probably being drained
away. If you live in a cluttered, messy environment, that drains and
distracts you. When you straighten it up and become better organized,
it frees up a significant amount of energy which you can use to move
forward. Or perhaps you're being drained by knowing that there's
someone you need to forgive, or by something important that you've
been putting off until later. Maybe you're eating too much junk food
and not getting enough exercise. To get past being stuck, look for
those negative situations and start eliminating them or getting away
from them.
Often when you're stuck, it's because you're being held back by
assumptions that are no longer true, or assumptions that may never
have been true at all. These assumptions can take the form of "I
could never" such as "I could never learn to use that computer
program" or "I could never find the time to exercise." Assumptions
such as these, when repeated often enough, firmly become a part of
your reality. They become so thoroughly ingrained in your thinking
that you forget they're there, yet they very much continue to exert
their influence.
One useful approach is to step back and look at yourself as if you
were someone else. Look at what you think and what you do as if you
were an independent observer. Consider how you would view your
thoughts, actions and assumptions if your friend were making them
instead of you. It's extremely likely that you have some assumptions
which are simply not true, and which are keeping you stuck where you
are. By making the effort to uncover those assumptions, and then
discarding them, you free yourself to move forward.
Finally, to get past being stuck you must give yourself permission to
move ahead. That sounds a little strange, but the fact is that no
matter how unpleasant being stuck might be, it is still, in some
ways, very comfortable. It's what you know, and moving away from
being stuck means moving into unknown territory. So give yourself
permission to do it. When you hear yourself start to make excuses,
tell yourself, "It's OK. I know it's uncomfortable and challenging,
and I know I could think of lots of reasons to stay right where I am,
yet this time I'm truly committed to moving myself forward. I give
myself permission to ignore the excuses, no matter how compelling
they may be. I give myself permission to persist in accomplishing
what I have decided to accomplish and what I truly want to do."
No person, no thing, no circumstance can keep you stuck where you are
when you are committed to moving ahead. If you're stuck, there are
plenty of things you can do right now, and plenty of things you can
continue to do, that will get you to where you want to be. Others can
give you lots of help and encouragement, yet ultimately it is
something you will do for yourself. When you feel stuck, you've
already taken the first step. You've experienced the reality that
there's somewhere else you want to go. That desire itself is
compelling evidence that you do indeed have the means to get there.
So act on it. Let go of the anger and frustration, resist the
temptation to feel sorry for yourself or to seek the sympathy of
others, move away from those things that are draining you, and start
working your way through the obstacles, one by one. Cast off your
negative assumptions and give yourself permission to move past the
point of being stuck, and into new and exciting territory.
- Ralph Marston
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