Hi,  I read your story and can relate to it totally.  I have never been what could be called "normal" weight wise; went on my first diet when I was six and it dawned on me that being heavier than the other kids in kindergarten would get me teased.  I am trying to find the way to get motivated to try again before I do eat myself to death.  There are people who are heavier than I am and have more to lose, but my weight is causing me to have health problems now, and severe depression.  I know what you mean when you say the main problem is not with food; the main problem now especially is within myself, not the food.  I just can't seem to do it, seems like food is my consolation and my friend sometimes.  My son, husband and best friend all passed away within a few years and I know I am using food to hide in.  I congratulate you for the way you have struggled and won the battle, if not the total war.  I guess it's like being an alcoholic, you always have to watch yourself even after you lose a lot.  Have only been anywhere near my goal once, with Weight Watchers, about ten years ago.  But, still trying, and have decided to concentrate on being healthier as opposed to "thin".  Starting a walking program and giving the South Beach program a try.  A number of the nurses where I work have done this program with amazing results, so I will try it.  Again, I am inspired by your story and wish you good things for the future.  Take care, Cass