I treat myself to some junk every  month or 2--- Thats enough to satisfy me---I've tried just sticking to my methadone  but I like that warm euphoric boost that the junk gives me-- I've been chipping like this for about 7 years now  (it wouldn't be possible without the methadone as a safety net--It works for me, not that I recommend it to others--Everyone has to find what works for them--

                                                                                   Peace, Indigo

HI INDIGO,

 

THAT SEEMS LIKE A GREAT BALANCE.  I KNOW I COULD DO THAT TOO....EXCEPT THAT IM COMING OFF THE METH AFTER 9 YEARS, AND PROCURING THIS SPECIAL TREAT IS NOT SO EASY FOR ME ANYMORE.  RIGHT NOW.......THE FEAR OF GETTING BUSTED BY THE CLINIC AND LOSING MY TAKE HOMES KEEPS ME IN LINE.

 

CHIPPING WAS MY GOAL WHEN I WENT ON METH....ALMOST COMPLETE ABSTINANCE HAS BEEN THE RESULT.  NOT SAYING ITS A BAD RESULT, BUT I DIDNT PLAN FOR THIS.  I REALLY DO MISS IT ALOT SOMETIMES......SIGH

 

LOVE BETH

Indigo.. I am so envious.....lol....

 

When I first joined this board years ago (aka Glitter), you said the very same thing... Here it is, about 6 years later and you are still able to limit yourself and not let H take over.  That is great. I don't know what the difference is for me now as opposed to previous years.  I was an occassional user (once a month, give or take) for about 8 years until this last time and now, here I am, clearly with an active addiction.  Its weird and I can't answer the question of why after 8 years of successfully using recreationally, I ended up where I have.   I never thought, in a million years, that this would happen.

 

I haven't made a decision yet about what my next step will be, but I guess time will tell.

 

Even though I have hit a rough spot, I am so grateful that other people here are like-minded.  Based on my current situation, I don't know if there will another solution other than total abstinence for me going forward, but I like the fact that at least here on this board, there are other people who recognize that total abstinence isn't the only way to be successful. I am glad you posted that today.

AMEN

Summer & Lifeover  --  I'm not sure why I've been successful at chipping for these last number of years--My guess is that  #1) -- I'm on methadone #2)  --I'm very strict with my rules, which are -- Never use for more then 1 or 2 days in a row--Wait at least one month between using--  Make sure my dose of methadone is high enough to  take care of cravings, but low enough so the junk can cut through the methadone (for me thats 40 mg)

   Now even with all these so-called precautions, I realize that I have NO guarantee that one of my chipping escapades   won't turn into a run (a habit)--But I constantly remind myself of all the things in my life that I'd lose if I returned to active addiction-eg--My kids, my wife, my family & friends, my condo, my paycheques, my car,     my self-esteem, my sense of humour,  my sanity, my serenity, my stability, the trust I've established over many years, etc etc

  Anyways, so far I've been lucky  & the heroin doesn't control me--- I don't plan on ever coming off of the methadone at this point in my life---If I did come off of the methadone then I wouldn't trust myself to chip--

  Well enough of my  using   pattern-- We each have to learn our own limitations & that takes rigorous Honesty--- I/m sure  that some of you will think that I'm conning myself    (justifying or rationalizing) - but I can't argue with the results--so far, so good.                                                                                    Indigo

I don't think you are conning yourself at all, because I was able to do the same  thing for years.. I had "rules" too.. What actually happened, and I feel soooo guilty about this, is .......my husband, who wasn't a user, wanted to try it, so I gave him some.... and he started using regularly.. and then, he started buying it regularly and I threw my rules out the window.......before I knew it... i ended up where I am at now.

 

I think you have a healthy respect for the drug.. you have been successful, but there are not guarentees and you recognize that.  I was too confident, I figured I hadn't had an issue in 6 years, so I could quit whenever I wanted to if I bent my rules a little bit. .. I mean, if you remember, I ALWAYS talked about how I was able to use off and on without an issue.. that bit of over-confidence is what  got me.  I didn't recognize the risk, I guess.

 

The only reason I am not worse off than I am is because I don't lie to myself or sugar-coat my situation.  Addiction is tricky and can really play with your head, causing you to lose your insight and your ability to see the world around you clearly.     I don't  invent excuses or justifications for what I do.  While it is a struggle, I MUST keep my priorities in order... even though it would easier to say "f it all" and just head full force into the addiction and let it take over everything, but I can't.  I have a family, mortgage, job, car payments... al kinds of things and people that depend on me. It is just such a juggling act..very exhausting and I recognize I can't go on much longer like this.  I have been lucky thus far...while there is some strain in my marriage, we are managing our home life rather well, my work hasn't suffered, I haven't been arrested or hospitalized.... but I would be fooling myself if I thought I keep this up indefinitely. I have to make the commitment to change my situation very shortly, before anything bad happens.....and something bad WILL happen if I continue as I am.  So, I guess we will see......

HELLO SUMMER AND INDIGO,

 

I SO WISH I COULD USE FOR ONE DAY....RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!!  I WISH I HAD A RELIABLE  CONNECT....CAUSE I REALLY JUST WANNA MELLO OUT AND SLEEP!!!!

 

I ACTUALLY MADE A CALL LAST NIGHT....BUT THE PERSON DIDNT ANSWER.  AND NEVER RETURNED MY CALL.  BOOOHOO

 

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON I GUESS. 

 

IT SUCKS WHEN YA WANT IT BUT CANT GET IT!!!!

 

LOVE BETH

Beth---It must be frustrating not knowing where to score--Like you said, maybe there's a good reason why you're not able to connect---Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, I've always had a few connections that I could rely on--

Hang in there--what will be will be...................................

HI INDIGO,

 

I ACTUALLY CONNECTED W/MY CONNECTION.....BUT HE WAS WITH HIS CHICK AND BY THE TIME HE CALLED ME BACK, I WAS WITH THE FAMILY......BUMMER.

 

LOVE YA

BETH