Beth! 

Please clarify....  Are you thinking of suicide?  You have me seriously worried honey.  And you know how I panic and I don't want to infer anything by your post. 

Please, post something asap.  I have to know you are o.k., as will everyone here at HOH.  I won't say any more until you post a reply in case I read you wrong, but I am genuinely worried.

Talk to us, we are a family, albeit a "functioning dysfunctional" family.

Much love, Joanne