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| | | From: jewel (Original Message) | Sent: 8/24/2000 11:30 AM |
I never thought I'd make it to today. Hell, I didn't think I'd make it past the first 6 months, when I started Heretics of Heroin, but here I am.....Clean for a year. A year ago today, on August 23rd, I spent my first night in Columbus, Ohio at my brother's apartment. So what do you guys think?? I meant to celebrate today with my brother and mother, but it just didn't seem to happen. Every month, I try to get together with them on the 23rd, or around the 23rd, and we usually go out to eat. I have to admit, though, that I was disappointed this time. Hopefully, this weekend, I'll be able to round up my family and we can go out to eat and maybe go to bowling or something familyesque like that. Does anyone have any suggestions as far as what I should do to celebrate my year-long struggle to stay clean?? I was wanting to not only do something special with my family, but do something special for myself. I would also like to do something special with HoH. This site has been a place where I can find others in similar situations, a place where I can vent my frustrations and cravings, and a place where I find companionship and comfort in the words of all of you. I know that lately I've been neglecting HoH, and just leaving it all up to psychobabe, and I'm sorry. I've been busy registering for next quarter classes and applying for scholarships and grants. I've also been looking into places to create web sites, both financially free and costly sites. I thought I had someone who would help spice up HoH, but he's been side-tracked. So I can either ask someone else for help, or wait for him. He's busy with his own web site and I guess he helps people with thier web sites all the time, and he has two others to work on, as well as HoH. What do ya think?? Should I try to find someone else to spice up HoH?? Or should I just wait to see what he comes up with? I will be spending more time at HoH from now on, especially in the chat room, Junkie Jargon. I will be posting the times I'll be there in an on-going post that I'll title Junkie Jargon Times. Teri (psychobabe) will also be there, depending on what times are good for her. We may be in the room together, or seperately. I hope that you'll let us know when the best times for you are, or if you'll even be there. We just thought that since not everyone has msn messenger, and since HoH hasn't had an official organized chat, maybe this could be a way to talk to more members. Teri and I would LOVE to organize a chat with all the members, or at least most of them, all at once but we need to know when the best time for most members would be. Well, it's been a year since I've experienced the bliss and horrors of heroin. But I'll never forget it. Thanks for listening, jewel |
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| | (2 recommendations so far) | Message 2 of 15 in Discussion |
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| Jewel, I've tried twice to post congratulations here, but the damned server won't have any of it. This is making me CRAZY! |
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me too! i just lost everything i had typed!! FUCK!! but basically what i had to say was CONGRATULATIONS, JEWEL!! love you, teri ps. purple is the color of healing and recovery!! |
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| | | From: drew | Sent: 8/26/2000 5:25 PM |
Great Job Jewels !!!! hope you ended up having a good day. Its good to hear about somebody staying clean it always gives me hope for the future. Keep up the good work. As for doing something special i dont really know, myself about a month ago having 2 months kleen i FINALLY decided to break and toss my spare needles i was saving just in case, that kinda helped me come to terms that i was actually taking this seriously. So i dont know maybe do away w/ something that reminds you of those dope daze (then again it is always nice to have memories). Every month or so i go back and read the past journals i have kept (I have 5 yrs back log on them) and just look at some of the shit i was writting or trying to write i'd usually just pass out 1/2 page and end w/ a big ink blot, but reading those helps me remember some of the shitty things that i did & lets me focus a little better on what i am GOING to do. So i dont know maybe start a journal to focus on what you are going to now accomplish. I dont know it sounds stupid but i sure have a fun trip down memory lane reading them. As for those Junkie Jargon chat things i would like to try it out so post the times when you get them. Best Wishes and Stuff Drew |
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| Jewel, now that the server seems to have straightened up at least a bit and fly right, I'm gonna try a third time here. Really, really, congrats. All I can say is that it is never easy, but it does get easiER and a lot of the time it's just a matter of putting one weary foot in front of another and not thinking too much about all the stuff that sucks. And, frankly, just growing up helps a lot (and some of us have started on that project pretty fucking late), so that is something you can look forward to (truly!). As for celebrating, I'm still unclear what that means in recovery. Most of my life, "celebrating" meant getting especially loaded with people I liked. These days, it's what? an extra cigarette and a double espresso? In NA we've got good ways of marking anniversaries, but that's not your thing so that's no help. In any event, I'm hoping you're having a good weekend and did go bowling with your family or something wholesome like that. (I love bowling, but there's no lanes in DC.) Also, it's good to see you posting again. I was on the verge of breaking down and sending you a personal e-mail to see what was up. Glad that you were just busy, which ain't a bad thing. As for the Junkie Jargon, i'm not too much into e-chatting, but other folks are so I hope you go for it. Anniversary hugs, David |
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| | | From: stacy | Sent: 8/27/2000 11:52 AM |
I am so happy for you jewel!!! i think you do deserve something special just for yourself....i think it would be nice to go shopping and buy yourself something you absolutely love, maybe a nice pair of shoes or jeans or top or all three....cuz i know i never had money for those kinds of things when i was using every penny went for dope and now that you are not using it would be a fitting reward.... it is great to hear that you want to spice up hoh...it would be interesting but dont worry too much cuz we all love it and it is the people we have here that make it so great.....anyway congradulations jewel! luv, stacy |
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| | | From: Lafter1 | Sent: 9/4/2000 7:26 PM |
Jewels, Hey Girl! CONGRADULATIONS!!! I think it's great you have this successful feeling inside you and that you feel it worthy to celebrate! It is! I sure hope you find some time for you! Like Stacy said, go buy yourself something you WANT! ! It would be great to go out to eat but why not go shopping and have something for yourself even if it is something you've wanted like a hopechest or something like that(me, I love new shoes, and clothes, but a rolltop desk, or additive to my pc would be nice too.) Maybe the catch a couple flicks at one of yours house and have take-out food or a pizza, something like that, do something you all like to do. I think it's wonderful and you deserve to pat yourself on the back even if no one ellse does, make a smile come from that face for such a divine accomplishment!!! You deserve it!!! Love and Luck always, Teracy Lafter1 |
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Congratulations... keep coming back... it gets even better...
-Monty |
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| | | From: stomper | Sent: 10/16/2001 12:47 AM |
hey girl just wanted to tell you that we care and we'll always be here for you no matter how far away we are. we are connected in a way that no one can take away. keep coming back. tara  |
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| | | From: jewel | Sent: 10/23/2001 4:49 PM |
I posted this a long time ago, and if I'd stayed clean, I'd be about 2 years and 2 months, now. But I didn't. A very close friend of mine died of a methadone overdose back in April, and the methadone was mine. I tried to deal with it, but in May, I left Ohio and went back to Texas, where I had left my habit before. I didn't think I was coming back...wasn't even sure if I wanted to come back. I was doing so much dope that I litterally wrote out a little note that said something like, "In case of emergency, call...." so someone would call my brother if I died. I figured I was either invincible, or it wasn't my time to go. Well, I knew I wasn't invincible, and I didn't believe that it's ever anyone's 'time to go', so I just came back. It didn't take me long to remember why I quit in the first place. I got back to Ohio by hitching a ride with a truck driver after my car broke down. That was an experience in itself. It was at the end of August, and I was surprised that I'd made it back in time to register for classes. So I've been dealing with all the guilt and regrets since then. But karma follows me everywhere. Last Thursday, my brother died. He was just walking home, and was hit by a car. It was an 18 year old young man driving that car, and it was a complete accident. I don't think he even knows that the guy he hit has died. And I can't help but hope no one ever tells him. I'm only 20 myself, and I have a guilt that will never go away...I don't want that for him. But someone will tell him, whether I want him to know or not, and then he will have that guilt. Even if I were to meet him, and talk to him, tell him that it wasn't his fault, that it was an accident, I know from personal experience that it won't make him feel any better. As far as my brother goes, I'm in shock. You'd think I'd be a mess, crying and whatnot. Mostly, I'm angry, probably more angry than I've ever been. But I can't cry or yell...even when I want to. I've shut my mother out, because I can't be there for her. I have 'friends' here in Ohio, but none of them really know me. They don't know about my heroin addiction, they don't know what happened to my friend. I mean, seriously, when's the best time to tell someone that you were a junkie, or that you're responsible for someone's death? Hell, I haven't even told them that my brother died. I don't even know why I'm writing this all here. I'm only 20! How can I have all this baggage? I know this post probably doesn't make any sense, but that's ok (I've read dozens of posts here that don't make any sense.) I would probably go back to Texas, again, but there's nothing there for me, now. If there was ever such a thing as a "good excuse" for using heroin, I'd have one. |
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| This message has been deleted by the manager or assistant manager. |
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hey - It's my first time on this sight but I deffinatly need it. I just read your posting and the honesty blew me away, I mean really left me speechless. It seemed like what you were talking about and the way you articulated it is the what I can relate with but Ican't find in any of these meetings in Michigan. Look, I'm twenty four and I've got 18 months off dope but recently popped a klononopin just because it was there. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Also, I don't know if there ever is a good reason for using but it sounds liek you've deffinatly had some doozies latley. I'm not sure how this whole thing goes but I'd really appreciate a note back from you. In Solidarity, Dan |
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| | | From: Indigo | Sent: 10/25/2001 4:57 PM |
Hiya Jewel -- Boy, are you ever a survivor!! I truely believe that all these experiences can & will make you a stronger, better & wiser woman (if you choose to learn from them---sometimes it takes years to understand why certain things happened & sometimes we NEVER fully understand--as long as we try to learn & be openminded, we will come out ahead--I promise this!)...love indigo |
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CONGTRATS!!!! ONE YEAR SEEMS SO FAR FOR ME, YET THERE ARE OTHERS LIKE YOURSELF THANK MAKE IT VERY INSPIRING! THANKYOU FOR SHARING YOUR STORY!!! |
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one year!!!!!!!congrats!!!!! |
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