so very very sorry for your loss........
i believe that many addicts represent the finest and brightest of what the human spirit has to offer in terms of creativity and sensitivity, passion and compassion......and that this disease robs us and diminishes our world with our inability to be who we were meant to be and to live the life we were meant to live......
i respect your heart in wanting to use your devastating loss, and your memories and continued love for him as the impetus to reach out to our world and carry the message that addiction is a horrible disease that can afflict wonderful people but that recovery IS an option. as you so painfully know, loving an addict isn't sufficient to ensure that they might indeed find recovery. but possibly if you direct your advocacy efforts at educating or even pressuring insurance companies to treat addiction with parity to the coverage provided other illnesses, or if you lobby for additional community-based treatment programs that provide adequate treatment opportunities for those seeking help but lacking resources such as insurance or financial means to pay for treatment, you might make the doors of help more easily swing open for someone else's"cuz."
another direction you might invest in is working with at-risk youth along the lines of prevention or early intervention.............
sadly these efforts won't bring back your loved one but may help you in your grief process and leave the world or your corner of the world a bit more hopeful of a place for other desperate dying addicts......
i'd be interested in your own story, if you felt inclined to share it. are you an addict as well? have you found recovery, and if so, what has been helpful to you in doing so?
lastly i want to encourage you to remember that grief is a process, that it doesn't proceed in a linear fashion from stage one to stage "end" but is more circular-- and you might find yourself feeling at one point that you are reaching a place of closure only to be catapaulted right back into fresh waves of acute grief you had thought you had worked through. let yourself take in support from those in your immediate network, continue to talk and talk about your feelings and your loss as you feel the need arise.
your life will never be what it was before your loss, but your life can be good.
i'd compare it to having an adult molar pulled in that you don't grow a new one but with time the rawness of the wound heals, but the gap remains.
peace to you......freespirit
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