Heritics of Heroin

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Well , as many of you already know my boyfriend is on methadone and I have decided to stay with him through his recovery. There is just one problem. I can't let the past go. I have been with my boyfriend for seven years, since I was 19. When I was 19 I was very nieve. I had never tried drugs or been around people who did drugs. I fell in love with my boyfriend and he with me. Looking back I can see that my boyfriends addiction was starting then. He would be nodding off but I was soo stupid I thought he was just sleepy. I even recommended he go to the doctor because I thought he had a sleep disorder as he began nodding every night.(Don't laugh)

Also he would ask me to scratch his back and I would actually sit there and do it. Not knowing that heroin can give you the itchies. Our apartment also was robbed three times in three months at least thats what he made me believe. So when we fight I bring all these things up, I know that they are true but he never admitts it. Why can't he be honest. How can our relationship continue if he can't admitt it. The fact that he has a problem is not a secret anymore. If he would just admitt it maybe I could get over it. Maybe our relationship could move on.

Well I needed to tell someone. I can't tell anyone in my family or other friends.

You mentioned that you boy spits his dose sometimes, this is definately counterproductive to his recovery. I used to spit my dose out in order to feel heroin, I would either save the spit dose or sell it. If I didn't spit my dose I wouldn't be able to feel the dope at all. So that's why he's spitting it out. If you are on a adequate theraputic dose that blocks the effects of additional opies, reduces cravings, and keeps the withdrawals away then it's pretty easy to stay clean on methadone. If you are craving like a mad man all the time it's hard to prevent a relapse, or if you are able to feel the dope then it's hard to stay away. The main thing that helps me is the fact that I know I cannot feel heroin at all on top of my dose. I don't like to waste money nor to I like to tease myself with a drug that will not get me off. If he starts taking his dose like he's supposed to it would be really help him stay clean. Maybe he needs a dose evaluation to see if he needs a raise. Also, does the clinic offer acupuncture? Acupuncture really helps a lot of people with cravings, especially cocaine cravings. I don't know if he likes cocaine too, many methadone patients abuse cocaine since they can't feel the effects of opiates any longer. I was skepical of acupuncture until I tried it. The clinic I'm currently on doesn't offer acupuncture but the clinic my boy goes to does. I'm envious. So maybe that's something else he could check out. Good luck and I hope this year is better for you both. Your man is really lucky that you are standing by him through all this, it's really hard to watch someone do this to themself. A lot of my friends stopped hanging out with me because they didn't want to watch me slowly kill myself with dope. Plus it's not fun hanging out with a heroin addict if you don't do the stuff. It would get annoying being around someone who is constantly on the nod, it annoys me but for different reasons-I get jealous. Sick. Anyways take care.

KIMGEL,

If ya want to stay with him you "HAVE TO"let go of the past. You can "NOT" stay in a relationship where you dont trust, if he is on methadone give him a chance...he is tryin...what is more important??? You bein right or love??? Let it go!!!

this post is very old I think, but just in case you are still watching and waiting---I'll tell you the answers you need, and show you the doors, but its you that hasto walk through, and, you might not want to hear what I have to say.

I lost my wife to Heron in 2001. I miss her every day, the pain will NEVER go away I know that now and stll dont accept it. I'm sorry to say this--but, until he gets a hold of his addiction, your life is going to become a living hell. It will shred your very soul to watch him destroy himself. And each time there is always the risk of OD. Not to mention HIV and Hepatitis among others that he can get and then spread to you. I am sorry that you have to gothrough this. Years have passed and I feel that my life is gone--destroyed.I'm still here, but half of me is dead. When you have been with someone that long--it becomes almost impossible to live without them. I pray he realizes that you are a 1 in a million girl and gets his ass straight.I'm so sorry.

Hi Ramagar, Are you new to H of H??

Your post touched me, I am so sorry you lost your wife to Heroin.

I lost my Son Gino two years ago to an overdose, so I can relate.

I am sure the relationships were completely different, yours being your wife, and mine being my son, but the pain, the unending pain, I am sure feels the same.

I am glad you are able to speak up, tell people about your loss, and hopefully touch someone, and help them make the right choices to live by.

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