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Good morning LovingMom, flapj here. I am not ashamed to admit it, but you are correct that excessive delving, brooding, and screaming about the horrors unfolding beyond my control do absolutely nothing for my psychological and emotional health. I will try and utilize your advice about choosing an issue or two that I beliebe to be worth getting involved in and start helping/working/volunteering to help toward change however small or within my ability. I know in my heart that this would make me feel better in general, but I have so much anger at how the progress of mankind has unfolded; I realize I cannot do anything to make it stop, but should work on letting go of the anger and do my part to think positively and devote the energy I waste fretting about things I can't control toward activities that help in some way. My own behavioral and spiritual health must be bolstered toward the positive some more but it is difficult to change/control ones self concerning these aspects because ultimately we are only capable of controlling ourselves and actions and thoughts and control of anything else is illusion, and more often than not I am my own worst enemy in this regard. It is also unfortunate that the american society in general does not place much value on these attributes(self control, spiritual health, mental health, etc.). Rather, the "american dream", that anybody can get rich, instant gratification, is just a slogan of the wealthy whom we will never be able to catch up with that is foisted upon the lower classes to keep them in debt and too busy and worried to be able to stop and think and research and inform themselves about the things going on in the world and their own immediate environments and things they are genuinely interested in and would like to pursue wether it is simply information or knowledge, or experience and action. Truth to tell I have been reading my left-wing and conspiracy type websites much less than usual for several months now for the afore mentioned reasons that continiously filling my head with this type of info is not helping my state of mind. Lately I have been researching alot about methadone and methadone clinics, what the general population of addicts thinks of them and the suboxone method and the debate within the medical community of general practitioners(who want to)to learn about addiction to help relieve the load on state and federal MMT clinics by beginning office based opioid treatment in their communities. This is done with great success in other countries, but here in america is in an embryonic stage and you can only be prescribed subutex or suboxone, because methadone is so heavily regulated. I've been going to the MMT clinic about twelve blocks from where I live for about four months now and am ambivalent about many aspects of it. I am of a mind that I should be on a suboxone program because I was never a heavy user, nor did I have a habit for a long time(is three years considered long?). But I think methadone works just fine for now, but the clinics program is complete abstinence of all drugs, legal and illegal, and I am more of a mind of harm reduction and moderation; although I would like to end my relationship with opiates altogether, but continue moderate recreational use of weed and benzodiazepines. My opinion of the clinic I go to is not very high. I do not think the administrators, staff, and dispensing nurses have much authentic concern or sympathy for the patients and it seems that like ninety nine point nine percent of everything else in the world it all boils down to the money. It's all about the money and not about care, cure, or sympathetic/compassionate treatment. Lawdy ha'mercy that was a long winded post. Oh, Lee is doing OK, she just started a part time job helping out at cheese house, "DiBruno Bros." cheese at their warehouse some twenty blocks away. Yea, helping out for the holidays because of the extra orders and what not. We've both been approximately ninety percent clean for the past four months. I go to the clinic daily and she's been taking methadone from off the street. We've cheated a handful of times within the last four months, but considering before that for almost three years it was every day, we are doing much, much better. I am working, although it is slow now and I have been averaging only about twenty five to thirty hours a week, and she just started working after several months of unemployment, we are squeaking by. We are in the proverbial 'hole', but every week we dig out just a little bit further. Hope you enjoyed Thanksgiving, we had a good meal, but forgot to take home some of the left overs(damn it!).Well, that's about it for now Loving Mom. The flapjack Philly report. Hope all is well with you and yours, and the same to all the rest of the Heretics. Much love directly from my solar plexus, flapjack |
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