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....Placemats
They only show up when there's food on the table.
.....Mascara
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
....Bike Helmets
Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly
...Parking spots
The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.
...Copiers
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
.....Lava Lamps
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
.....Bank accounts
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest
....high heels
They are easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
.....Curling Irons
They are always hot, and they are always in your hair.
....Mini skirts
If you are not careful they'll creep up your legs.
...Bananas
They older they get, the less firm they are.
Men are like.....Coffee.
The best ones are rich, warm, full-bodied, and can keep you up all night long.
Men are like.....Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like.....Blenders.
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
Men are like.....Coolers.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
Men are like.....Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
Men are like.....Curling irons.
They're always hot and in your hair.
Men are like.....Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.
Men are like.....High heels.
They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
Men are like.....Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like.....Lava lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
Men are like.....Laxatives.
They irritate the crap out of you.
Men are like.....Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like.....Mini skirts.
If you're not careful, they'll creep up on you.
Men are like.....Noodles.
They're always in hot water, they lack taste and they need dough.
Men are like.....Plungers.
They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.
Men are like.....Popcorn.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Men are like.....Placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table.
Men are like.....Used Cars.
Both are easy-to-get, cheap and they prove to be unreliable.
Men are like.....Weather.
Nothing can be done to change either one of them. |
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A guy walks into a supermarket and buys the following items:
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 roll of toiletpaper
1 frozen dinner
1 can of pop
1 box of cereal
The woman behind the counter says, "so you are single huh?"
The man replies very sarcastically, "why would you guess that, because I am buying 1 of everything?"
The woman replies, "no, because you are ugly." |
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HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN:
Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to, forgive, sacrifice for, ply, accessorize, leave, return, beseech, sublimate, entertain, charm, lug, drag, crawl, show equality for, spackle, oblige, fascinate, attend, implore, bawl, shower, shave, trust, grovel, ignore, defend, coax, clothe, brag about, acquiesce, aromatize, fuse, fizz, rationalize, detoxify, sanctify, help, acknowledge, polish, upgrade, spoil, embrace, accept, butter-up, hear, understand, jitterbug, locomote, beg, plead, borrow, steal, climb, swim, nurse, resuscitate, repair, patch, crazy-glue, respect, entertain, calm, allay, kill for, die for, dream of, promise, deliver, tease, flirt, commit, enlist, pine, cajole, Anglicize, murmur, snuggle, snoozle, snurfle, elevate, enervate, alleviate, spotweld, serve, rub, rib, salve, bite, taste, nibble, gratify, take her places, scuttle like a crab on the ocean floor of her existence, diddle, doodle, hokey-pokey, hanky-panky, crystal blue persuade, flip, flop, fly, don't care if I die, swing, slip, slide, slather, mollycoddle, squeeze, moisturize, humidify, lather, tingle, slam-dunk, keep on rockin' in the free world, wet, slicken, undulate, gelatinize, brush, tingle, dribble, drip, dry, knead, fluff, fold, blue-coral wax, ingratiate, indulge, wow, dazzle, amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize and worship, and then go back, and start again.
HOW TO SATISFY A MAN:
Show up naked with food. |
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