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Book of Lists : Steven Wright Humor
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From: MSN NicknameCopnor1  (Original Message)Sent: 10/8/2006 1:52 PM

Steven Wright Humor

If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous erudite scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen...and replaced by exact duplicates. His mind sees things differently than we do, to our amazement and amusement.

Here are some more of his gems:

  1. I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
  2. Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
  3. Half the people you know are below average.
  4. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
  5. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
  6. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
  7. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feels so good.
  8. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  9. All those who believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my hand.
  10. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
  11. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
  12. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
  13. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
  14. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
  15. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  16. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
  17. My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
  18. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
  19. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  20. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
  21. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
  22. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film
  23. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
—Cate, Princeton, NJ


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