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One liner Jokes
Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"
Wife: "I couldn't lift the table."
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"What did one ghost say to another?"
"Do you believe in people?"
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My friend has a fine watch dog.
At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.
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They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
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"Room Service? Can you send up a towel?"
" Please wait someone else is using it."
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When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.
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"Where did you get those big eyes?"
"They came with the face."
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I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls .
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But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.
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It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!
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"Look, guide, here are some lion tracks."
"Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from."
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"Do you think I"ll lose my looks as I get older?"
"Yes if you're lucky."
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A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.
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"Has there been any insanity in your family?"
"Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."
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I was thinking of becoming a doctor.
I have the handwriting for it.
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"My wife doesn't know what she wants."
" You're lucky. My wife does."
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We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.
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"What do use for washing dishes?"
"Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best. "
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"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?"
"What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"
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"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."
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It's all about Wives
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My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong .
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor."
I asked her, "Where's the car?"
She replied, "In the lake."
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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
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My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got myself two girlfriends.
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Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
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A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."
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It's not true that married men live longer than single men.
It only seems longer.
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Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
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A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.
The man thinks for a moment and says, Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
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