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A blonde is standing in front of a soda machine outside a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine.
She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button.
Suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!
She continues to do this until a man waiting to use the machine becomes impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever you are doing?"
The blonde turns around and says, "No chance! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm winning!"
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A blonde had just purchased some lingerie and asked if she might have the sentence, "If you can read this you're too damn close" embroidered on her panties and bra.
"Yes Madame," said the clerk. "I'm quite certain that could be done. Would you prefer block or script letters?"
"Braille," she replied.
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Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
A: Opens the car door.
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| SPEEDING TICKET :
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very
nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I
wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you
take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to
you!" | |
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A bunch of blondes walk into a restaurant celebrating and chanting "28 days, 28 days, it only took us 28 days!!"
Everyone was wondering what took them 28 days and why they were celebrating. Finally, when the blondes were about to leave, a waitor goes up and asks "What took you 28 days, why are you celebrating??"
All the blondes say "We just finished a puzzle in 28 days and on the box it said 3-6 years!!!"
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There was a blonde driving a ferrari. A cop pulls her over for
speeding, the cop asks," can I see your license and registration
please!"
The blonde responds, "license and registration what is that?"
The cop respnds, "you will find your license in your purse and
registration in your glove compartment."
The cop gets the license and registration and goes back to the car,
and he calls dispatcher and reports it. The dispatcher replies,"
this wouldnt be a blonde in a ferrari would it?" The cop replies,"
yes it is." The dispatcher says, "go back to her car and drop your
pants."
The cop responds back, "I cant do that!" The dispatcher says, "trust
me, just do it!" then the cop replies, "ok whatever you say!"
So he walks back to her car, and drops his pants. The blonde turns
around and says, "oh no, not another breathalizer test!"
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A blond and a brunette are on an elevator, suddenly a good looking
handsome man gets on.
So then the brunette turns to the blond and says, "Wow", he is so
good looking, but that dandruff on him is a real turn off".
"I think we should give him some Head and Shoulders!" said the
brunette.
All of a sudden the blond turned to the brunette with a confused
look and said, "Ok, but how do you give shoulders?"
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There were these 2 blondes standing outside in a parking lot next to there Mercedes vehicle.They were locked out so they were trying to get the door open with a close hanger. The 1st blonde said, "You need to try harder. It's starting to rain and the top is down!"
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A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are in a breast stroke race. The starter's gun goes off and the three girls dive into the pool. The brunette and the redhead shoot across the pool and get out; 20 minutes later the blonde reaches the end and gets out. The judge says, "The gold medal goes to the brunette, the silver medal goes to the redhead, and the bronze goes to the blonde". The blonde says, "I don't want to be a sore loser, but I think the other girls were using their arms."
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A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
"The bartender is blond, the bouncer is blond, and I'm a 6' tall, 200 pound blond with a black belt in karate. What's more, the guy sitting next to me is 6'2," weighs 225 pounds, and he's a blond weight lifter." He continues, "The fella to your right is blond, 6'5" and pushing 300 pounds, and he's a wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah! Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.
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A blonde and brunette sit watching the 5 'o' clock news where a man is threatning to jump off a bridge.
The blonde says to the brunette i bet you $100 that he doesn't jump the brunette replies "ok i bet you $100 that he does jump."
Sure enough the man jumped off of the bridge and killed himself.
The blonde gets out $100 and gives it to the brunette.
The brunette says "i can't take your money."
"Why not?" replied the blonde.
"Because i watched the 12 '0' clock news and he was on then so i knew that he was going to jump."
The blonde replied "i watched the 12 'o' clock news as well but i didn't think that he would jump again."
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A blonde named Babbette finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial trouble. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Babbette again prays..."God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lotto night comes and Babbette still has no luck.
Once again, she prays..."My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Babbette is confronted by the voice of God Himself: "Babbette, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket." |
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How many blonde jokes are there? None, they're all true! |
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So these two blondes are talking and one asks her friend, "Which is farther from here, Florida or the moon?" and the 2nd blonde says, "Hellooooooooooooo, can you see Florida???" |
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