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Moving Up The Ranks
"Rob," the manager said to his subordinate one day, "you've been with the company for a year. You started off in the post room. One week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department."
The manager continued, "Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice-chairman and you've been doing an excellent job. Now it's time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say?"
"Thanks," said Rob.
"Thanks?" the boss replied. "I offer you the company and all you can say is Thanks?"
"Oh, OK," Rob said. "Thanks, Dad."
Glasses
Chris had worn glasses since the age of three. When he was in the first grade, he came home one day very distressed. "What's the matter, Chris?" his mother asked.
He replied sadly, "It's not fair that I'm not allowed to go to the library."
His mother became very concerned. "Why aren't you allowed to go to the library?" she asked.
Chris answered, "Because, in order to go to the library you have to have super vision, and I wear glasses!"
The Evil King
Once upon a time there was an evil king who captured a beautiful young princess and held her captive in his high tower. Though she was very pretty, he forced her to wear an old sack dress.
"You'll never get away with this!" she cried. "Some brave knight will rescue me!"
"Not in that old thing," the evil king replied as he locked her in the tower room.
She waited day and night, but it was just as the king predicted. Every knight that saw her in the window of the high tower was discouraged by her old sack dress.
After many months of trying and failing, the princess was forced to admit the situation was hopeless. When the king came to check on her, she pleaded to be let go.
The evil king taunted her. "You see?" he said as he held up a corner of the sack. "I was right! I told you no knight would rescue a damsel in this dress!"
Funny Work Signs
Here are some funny work signs you can place around your desk: 1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn't look good either. 2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. 3. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. 4. Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue. 5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If it isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing it again. 6. I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem. 7. Certified butt kisser. Lessons available. 8. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. 9. I don't suffer from stress, but I am a carrier. 10. Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level and then beat you with experience.
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