PUNS
Passport: To offer a bottle of after-dinner wine
A bird watcher had a mynah problem but with no egrets. (Mike Bull)
A zealous Christian who was trying to convert a Hindu found himself
getting nowhere. "The thing is," argued the frustrated Christian,
"you have to be born again!" "But I have been born again!" insisted
the Hindu. "And again and again and again�?quot;
Did you hear about the Two Wall Street financial hot dogs that got on
a roll?
I'm certainly enjoying watching the 2008 presidential debates, but
why is it that the candidates always seem to leave you with a lot of
unquestioned answers? (Jerry L. Embry from Ruminations)
If they cloned Cher - would she then be known as Cher and Cher alike?
GROANERS & SHAGGY PUPPY STORIES
There was this nun named Sister Mary who, though she tried and tried,
could never please the Mother Superior. One day she comes up with an
idea: Since the abbey was always cold, she decided to cut some wood
and build a fire in the fireplace to heat the place up. She spent all
day chopping, hauling and stacking wood. Subsequently, she wound up
shredding the sleeves of her habit. Later that night, as the other
nuns came into the rectory, they were delighted to find the place
warm and cozy, with a big fire roaring in the fireplace. Then Mother
Superior comes in and yells, "Sister Mary! Go fix your torn habit
this instant!" Sister Mary, crying, asks, "But Mother Superior,
aren't you happy that the abbey is warm?" To which the Mother
Superior replies, "Yes, but when you ax, then ye shall re-sleeve."
Two advertising executives were having lunch and talking. The young
exec trainee said to the older, wiser man, "Where has Ben Harris been
hanging out? I haven't seen him for a while." The senior exec
replied, "Haven't you heard? Ben Harris went to that great ad agency
in the sky." "Good Lord," replied the junior man, "You're kidding me,
right? What did he have?" "Oh, nothing much," replied the elder exec.
"A small toothpaste account and a couple of discount stores, but
nothing much worth going after."
A Jewish businessman warned his son against marrying a non-Jew. The
son replied, "But she's converting to Judaism." "It doesn't matter,"
the old man said. "A shiksa will cause problems." The son persisted.
After the wedding, the father called the son, who was in business
with him, and asked him why he was not at work. "It's Shabbos," the
son replied. The father was surprised: "But we always work on
Saturday. It's our busiest day." "I won't work anymore on Saturday,"
the son insisted, "because my wife wants us to go to shul on
Shabbos." "See," the father said. "I told you marrying a non-Jew
would cause problems."
OTHER HUMOR
Castrate: Market price for setting a fracture
Dear Abby, My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50
an hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.
Cross country: The Vatican.
A man was bragging to his friends about how his sister disguised
herself as a man and was able to join the army. "But, wait a minute,"
said one listener, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower
with them too. Won't she?" "Sure," replied the man. "Well, won't they
find out?" The man shrugged, "Sure, but who'll tell?"
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