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A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped.
"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.
"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25..." |
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A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, "But we don't know anything about each other." He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along." So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.
So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half-tuck gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
She said, "That was incredible!"
He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along."
So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath.
He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
"No," she said. "I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the Grand Canal." |
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Three friends decided to visit a prostitute. It was a slow night, So she gave the guys a deal. "You can pay by the inch."
When the first man comes back out his friends ask, "How much did she charge you?"
"$75 dollars," said the first.
The second guy goes in and returns with a fee of $85. The first two were proud of their prowess.
The third man goes in and returns, "How much did she charge you?" ask the first two.
"$20 dollars" replies the third.
The first two start laughing hysterically.
"Hey guys," replied the third, "I'm not so stupid, I paid on the way out instead of on the way in!" |
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Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms.
The first dwarf, however, is unable to get a stiffy. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, "ONE, TWO, THREE...UUUUH!" all night long.
In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?"
The first whispered back, "It was so embarrassing. I just couldn't get a hard on."
The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?!!" he asked. "I couldn't even get on the bed!!!" |
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This guy has a spare $10 that he decides to spend on his first hooker ever.
He goes out, he gets one, then he brings her home.
They have hours of hardcore sex. Then she leaves when he falls asleep.
The next morning, he wakes up and discovers that he has crabs, he goes and finds the hooker again and says, "Hey, Bitch, you gave me crabs!"
She replies, "Well for $10 what did you expect, Lobsters?" |
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The Mother Superior of the orphanage called three girls, who were leaving, to her office.
"Now," she commenced, "you are all going out in the big, sinful world, and I must warn you against certain men. There are men who will buy you drinks, take you to a room, undress you, and do unspeakable things to you. Then they give two or three pounds, and you are sent away ruined.
"Excuse me, Reverend Mother," said the boldest girl . Did you say these wicked men will give us three pounds?"
"Yes, dear child," said the Mother Superior. "Why do you ask ?"
"Well," the girl said," the priests only give us apples."
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Three friends are out enjoying a night on the town, and the suggestion that they visit the local whorehouse meets with enthusiasm all around - especially when the madam tells them there's a special offer that evening. For $100, $150, or $200,the customer will receive a sexual treat beyond his wildest dreams.
The first guy forks out $100, is shown to the first door on the right and soon his friends hear cries of ecstasy coming from within. He emerges sometime later sweaty, out of breath and grinning from ear to ear.
"She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen," he said panting. "After extensive foreplay she put two pineapple rings around my penis and ate them!"
The second guy couldn't fork over his $150 fast enough. He was shown to a room and soon wild cries of bliss were heard.Eventually he returned with the same grin and the same story, except that he had gotten whipped cream along with the two pineapple rings.
The third guy needs little persuading to part with his $200 and is shown to an upstairs room. Soon cries of ecstasy can be heard, but his friends are puzzled when they're interrupted by a scream of agony. When he returns, they can't wait to hear what happened.
"Yes," he explains wearily, "she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen, and after extensive foreplay she covered my prick with two pineapple rings, whipped cream, chopped nuts and topped it off with a maraschino cherry."
"So then what happened?" ask his friends eagerly.
"Well," he replies, "it looked so good, I took a bite myself." |
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Clinton is out jogging around in some of the seedier areas of Washington D.C. He notices a good looking prostitute. She sees this and calls out: "Fifty dollars!" He is tempted, but the price is a little high. So he calls back: "Five!" She is disappointed and turns away and Bill continues his jog.
A few days later, he finds himself jogging in the same area and as luck would have it, the prostitute is still there. But she want not come down on her price. "Fifty!" she shouts and Bill answers her: "Five!" No sale.
About a week later, Hillary has decided that she wants to get into shape so she demands to go jogging with Bill. They get to the seedy part of town and the same prostitute is still there. She eyes Bill and Hillary together and yells: "See what you get for five dollars!"
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