MSN Home  |  My MSN  |  Hotmail
Sign in to Windows Live ID Web Search:   
go to MSNGroups 
Free Forum Hosting
 
Important Announcement Important Announcement
The MSN Groups service will close in February 2009. You can move your group to Multiply, MSN’s partner for online groups. Learn More
Ironic UnDeath[email protected] 
  
What's New
  
  Joke/Posting Boards  
  
  General  
  
  Book of Lists  
  
  Quotations  
  
  Joke Goes On  
  
  StrangeButTrue  
  
  Today in History  
  
  Q & A  
  Links  
  Pictures  
  Postings  
  Greetings  
  Siggies  
  Lindemannsladys stuff  
  Site Images  
  Siggie Board  
  Always Tag List  
  Snag Board  
  Banners  
  playing around  
  International  
  
  
  Tools  
 
Joke Goes On : Stupid jokes
Choose another message board
 
     
Reply
 Message 1 of 21 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameLindemannslady  (Original Message)Sent: 7/2/2006 6:07 PM
One day a multi billionaire was board, so he asked his butler to get him 3 men.

A few hours later the butler comes back. The man says "OK I've a deal you can't refuse. Who can swim successfully across this pool filed with sharks, eels, and leaches. The winner may have whatever his heat desires."

No one replies so the man gives up.

All of a sudden the man hears a splash. One of the men is swimming as fast as he can, dodging all the sharks, eels, and leaches.

The billionaire was so impressed that someone had enough guts take up his challenge. He congratulates the man and asks him what he wants.

The man replies "I want the Sun of a Bitch who pushed me in"


First  Previous  7-21 of 21  Next  Last 
Reply
 Message 7 of 21 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameLindemannsladySent: 8/7/2006 12:01 PM
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students:

"The female dormitory is out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. The second time you will be fined $60. A third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"

A male student inquired, "How much for a season pass?"

Reply
 Message 8 of 21 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameLindemannsladySent: 9/2/2006 9:03 AM
A dad of 5 kids got a toy and asking who to give it to.

"I'm gonna give this toy to the one who is the most obedient, who never talks back to mom, who does everything she says," said the father.

"Jeez dad, if you want the toy so bad, you can have it." replied the children.

Reply
 Message 9 of 21 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameLindemannsladySent: 9/5/2006 8:05 AM
As an elderly lady sat on her front porch reflecting on her long life, A Fairy Godmother suddenly appeared and offered to fulfill 3 Wishes for her.

"Well," said the woman, "I guess I'd like to be Rich."

POOF: The Fairy Godmother turned her rocking chair into solid Gold.

"And I wouldn't mind being a Young and Beautiful Princess."

POOF: The Fairy Godmother turned the old woman into an exquisite Young Princess. With a priceless Crown of Jewels.

"Your Third Wish?" asked the Fairy Godmother.

The elderly woman's Dog raised his head and uttered a single, weak hoarse "woof".

"Could you possibly turn my wonderful Dog into a Handsome Prince?".

POOF: There, in front of the Old Woman, who has now turned into a Beautiful Princess, stood the most Handsome Young Man anyone had ever seen. More handsome than anyone could possibly imagine.

She stared at him in awe, completely smitten. As he came toward her, her knees weakened. He bent down, brushing his lips across her ear as he whispered, "I'll bet you're sorry you had me neutered."

Reply
 Message 10 of 21 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameLindemannsladySent: 9/8/2006 3:43 PM
One evening, Ashdeep invited his mother over for dinner.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Ashdeep's flatmate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Ashdeep and his flatmate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Ashdeep volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Jeeti and I are just flatmates."

About a week later, Jeeti came to Ashdeep saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver chutney jar. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

"Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter, just to be sure."


So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the chutney jar from my house, and I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the chutney jar. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,
Ashdeep



Several days later, Ashdeep received an letter back from his Mother which read:

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jeeti, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jeeti. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the chutney jar by now.

Love,
Mom

Reply
 Message 11 of 21 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameLindemannsladySent: 9/17/2006 11:20 AM
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar and turns to the astonished patrons.

"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink. "The crowd murmured their approval.

The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.

After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head.

The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.

The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try".

A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.

A blonde woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."

Reply
 Message 12 of 21 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameLindemannsladySent: 9/17/2006 11:21 AM
A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we haven't got any f*cking bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any f*cking bread, for Christ's sake. Ask me again and I'll nail your fucking beak to the bar you irritating bastard of a fucking bird!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?

Reply
 Message 13 of 21 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameLindemannsladySent: 9/18/2006 7:26 AM
A guy was in New York on a business trip and decided to head to a local bar for a drink. Standing outside the bar was a nun holding a tin cup.

As the man threw a few bucks into her cup the nun launched into a long tirade about the evils of alcohol. She went on and on about how alcohol was tearing apart the fabric of society and how it was the root of all the city's problems.

Slightly pissed off at having to listen to this the guy said, "Listen sister, I work hard for my money and sometimes at the end of a long day I like a drink or two. That doesn't make me a bad person. I have a wife I idolize and two wonderful kids at home. I provide for my family, I volunteer my time to several local service clubs and I contribute regularly to various charities. Yet you stand here and condemn me just because I drink the occasional glass of scotch!"

The nun was slightly taken aback and replied, "I see your point my son and I apologize if I offended you, but the alcohol is such a powerful demon that all who consume it are doomed..."

"Look there you go again," said the man, "How can you make such a sweeping statement. Have you ever even tried alcohol?"

"Of course not!" gasped the nun, "The evil alcohol has never touched my lips."

"Do you really think that one glass of booze can change you from a devout nun to some kind of evil degenerate?"

"Well, I really don't know ..."

"I'll tell you what, come into the bar with me and I'll buy you a drink. One drink. I'll prove to you that "evil" is not inside the glass, it's inside the person."

"Oh I could never be seen going into such a den of inequity, it's out of the question. However, your comment about evil residing in the person rather than the glass is quite intriguing. I must admit you've aroused a curiosity in me."

"Well let's go inside and settle this"

"No my son, I could never enter such a place... but how about this. Take my tin cup with you and fill it with this "scotch" you mentioned. Bring it out to me and I'll try it."

"You're on!" said the guy.

The nun removed all the change and handed him the tin cup. He went into the bar and said to the bartender, "Two scotch on the rocks, and could you put one of them in this tin cup please."

The bartender sighed and said, "Is that darn nun out there again!"

Reply
 Message 14 of 21 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameLindemannsladySent: 9/20/2006 7:47 AM
A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says, "You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?"
The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times.

"One day," he begins, "I was hunting when I got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help and finally realized that it was coming from a frog sitting next to a stream. So I picked up the frog and it said, "Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes".

So I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman. She said, "You now have 3 wishes."

I looked down at my scrawny 115-pound body and said, "I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger." She nodded, whispered a spell, and POOF! There I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked! She then asked, "What will be your second wish?"

I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, "I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream." She nodded, lay down, and beckoned to me. We then made love for hours! Later, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, "You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?"

I looked at her and replied, "How about a little head?"

Reply
 Message 15 of 21 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameLindemannsladySent: 9/24/2006 9:32 AM
A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car followed by a large cloud of feathers.

Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse, and rang the door bell. A farmer appeared.

The man, somewhat nervously said, "I think I killed your rooster, please allow me to replace him".

"Suit yourself," the farmer replied, "the hens are 'round the back."

Reply
 Message 16 of 21 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameLindemannsladySent: 10/1/2006 5:14 PM
In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.

To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.

"Whoa there Scotty!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's yet another wee one to come." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another little baby.

"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man... It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor.

The new father scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor. "Do ye think it's the light that's attractin' them?"

Reply
 Message 17 of 21 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameLindemannsladySent: 10/13/2006 9:24 AM
A redneck boy and his redneck father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.
The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."

Reply
 Message 18 of 21 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameLindemannsladySent: 10/16/2006 1:41 PM
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

"But officer." the man began, "I can explain,".

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..."

"But officer, I just wanted to say...."

"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

Reply
 Message 19 of 21 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameLindemannsladySent: 10/18/2006 10:52 AM
An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail. The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk and aimed toward the swinging doors of the saloon.

"Hold on there, Mister," said the sheriff. "Did I just see what I think I saw?"

"Reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips."

"And that cures them?" the Sheriff asked.

"Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' 'em."

Reply
 Message 20 of 21 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameLindemannsladySent: 11/29/2006 10:02 AM
A little girl and her mother were out and about.

Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"

The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older."

The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"

Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."

The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."

The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation.

The girlfriend said, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."

Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again.

The little girl started off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."

The mother was very shocked. She asked, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"

The little girl shrugged and said, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."

"Where did you learn that?"

The little girl said, "I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex."

Reply
 Message 21 of 21 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameToManyMadDogsSent: 4/25/2008 8:37 AM
Light Travels Faster Than Sound,
Which Is Why Some People Appear Bright Until You Hear Them Speak

First  Previous  7-21 of 21  Next  Last 
Return to Joke Goes On