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Joke Goes On : Religious Jokes
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 Message 1 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameToManyMadDogs  (Original Message)Sent: 6/26/2006 8:18 PM
 


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 Message 2 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameLindemannsladySent: 6/26/2006 9:55 PM
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out.

So he called one of his best angels and sent the angel to Earth for a while.

When she returned she told God, yes it is bad on Earth, 95% is bad and 5% is good.

Well, he thought for a moment and thought maybe he'd better send down a second angel to get another point of view.

So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time too.

When the angel returned he went to God and told him "Yes, the Earth is in decline. 95% is bad and 5% is good."

God said this was not good.

So he decided to send e-mail to the 5% that were good. He wanted to encourage them, give them a little something to help them keep going.
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.
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Do you know what that e-mail said?
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Oh, you didn't get one either, huh? Bummer.

Reply
 Message 3 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameToManyMadDogsSent: 6/28/2006 5:06 PM
Beliefnet - The Old Preacher

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and the attorney were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moment. They were also puzzled because the preacher had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.

Finally, the lawyer asked, "Preacher, why did you ask the two of us to come?"

The old preacher mustered up some strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go, too."

Reply
 Message 4 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameToManyMadDogsSent: 10/16/2006 12:10 AM
Born-Again Hindu

A zealous Christian who was trying to convert a Hindu found himself getting nowhere. "The thing is," argued the frustrated Christian, "you have to be born again!"

"But I have been born again!" insisted the Hindu. "And again and again and again ..."

Reply
 Message 5 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameToManyMadDogsSent: 10/16/2006 12:10 AM
Do You Reject the Devil?

A priest came to a dying author to read him his last rites.

"Do you reject the devil?" asked the priest.

"This is no time to be making enemies," replied the author.

Reply
 Message 6 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameToManyMadDogsSent: 10/16/2006 12:12 AM
A Rabbi, a Minister and a Wiccan Priestess�?/STRONG>

A rabbi, a Unitarian Universalist minister, and a Wiccan priestess decided to go on a fishing trip together. They went down to their local lake, rented a boat, and went out on to the lake for a day of fishing.

As the afternoon approached, the trio got hungry—and realized that they left their lunches on the shore of the lake.

The minister got out of the boat, walked across the lake, got his lunch, walked back, and sat down to eat his lunch.

"You should have gotten all of our lunches!" scolded the priestess. She then got up, walked across the lake, picked up her lunch as well as the rabbi's, walked back across the lake, and sat down, handing the rabbi his afternoon meal.

The rabbi at this point is almost out of his mind, his eyes wide with shock. He manages to sputter, "Wha... what... how did you...?"

The minister grins at the priestess, nudges her, and asks "Do you think we should tell him about the rocks?"

The priestess looks at the minister, raises an eyebrow, and replies "What rocks?"

Reply
 Message 7 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameCopnor1Sent: 12/6/2006 4:08 PM

Origin Jesus



THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH

1) He went into his father business.
2) He lived at home until the age of 33.
3) He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was God.


THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS IRISH

1) He never got married.
2) He never held a steady job.
3) His last request was a drink.


THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS PUERTORICAN

1) His first name was Jesus.
2) He was always in trouble with the law.
3) His mother did not know who his father was.


THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS BLACK

1) He called everybody "brother".
2) He had no permanent address.
3) Nobody would hire him.


THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS CALIFORNIAN

1) He never cut his hair.
2) He walked around barefoot.
3) He invented a new religion.


THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS FRENCH

1) He never changed his clothes.
2) He only washed his feet.
3) He didn't speak English.


THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS BRAZILIAN

1) He survived on miracles
2) He was harassed by the government and politicians
3) He never had any money

Reply
 Message 8 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameBTWGFSent: 3/11/2007 7:35 AM
The Church Gossip
 
Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.  Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
 
She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.  She emphatically told George, in the presense of several others, that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.
 
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away.  He didn't explain, defend, or deny.   He said nothing.
 
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house... walked home.... and left it there all night.
 
Don't ya just love old George?

Reply
 Message 9 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameToManyMadDogsSent: 6/1/2007 7:27 PM
Devil in the Church
 
One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church.

Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving... seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."


Reply
 Message 10 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameCopnor1Sent: 6/15/2007 9:18 PM
Two Middle East mothers are sitting in the cafe strip chatting over a pint
of goat's milk. The older of the mothers pulls her bag out and starts
flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.

"This is my oldest son Mohammed. He's 24 years old now"
"Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully.
"He's a martyr now though" mum confides.
"Oh so sad dear" says the other.
"And this is my second son Khalid. He's 21"
"Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born".
"He's a martyr too " says mum quietly.
"Oh gracious me ...." says the other.
"And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He's 18", she whispers.
"Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school".
"He's a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second muslim mother looks wistfully at
the photographs and says... "They blow up so fast, don't they?"

Reply
 Message 11 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameToManyMadDogsSent: 6/23/2007 1:42 PM
 
Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Davidson, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your motorcycles have changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven." Davidson thinks about it and says, "I wanna hang out with God, Himself."

The befeathered fellow at the gates takes Arthur to the Throne Room and introduces him to God. Arthur then asks God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of Woman?" God says, "Ah, yes." "Well," says Davidson, "You have some major design flaws in your invention: One, there's too much front-end protrusion Two, it chatters at high speeds. Three, the rear end wobbles too much. Four, the intake is placed too close to the exhaust."

"Hmmm..." replies God, "hold on." God goes to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the result. The computer prints out a slip of paper and God reads it. "It may be that my invention is flawed," God tells Arthur Davidson, "but according to My Computer, more people are riding my invention than yours."

 Harley Davidson and Woman

Reply
 Message 12 of 15 in Discussion 
From: nhfearmeSent: 7/27/2007 7:47 AM
A fine upstanding church member woke one morning to find her dog had died. She called her pastor to arrange her pet's funeral.

Her pastor said, "I'm sorry but, we don't bury pets in our church."

She answered. "Then I'll find one who will!"

Later she told her pastor, "I had my dog buried in the Catholic Church for $15,000."

Visibly upset the minister said, "You never told me your dog was catholic!"

:)
 3in WWF ST Football airbrush 100dpi.JPG  

Reply
 Message 13 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameToManyMadDogsSent: 3/3/2008 6:16 PM
 The Jewish Samurai

There once was a powerful Japanese emperor who needed a new chief samurai. So he sent out a declaration throughout the entire known world that he was searching for a chief.

A year passed, and only three people applied for the very demanding position: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai.

The emperor asked the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The Japanese samurai opened a matchbox, and out popped a bumblebee. Whoosh! went his sword. The bumblebee dropped dead, chopped in half.

The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"The emperor then issued the same challenge to the Chinese samurai, to come in and demonstrate why he should be chosen. The Chinese samurai also opened a matchbox and out buzzed a fly. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh! The fly dropped dead, chopped into four small pieces.

The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"

Now the emperor turned to the Jewish samurai, and asked him to demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The Jewish Samurai opened a matchbox, and out flew a gnat. His flashing sword went Whoosh! But the gnat was still alive and flying around.

The emperor, obviously disappointed, said, "Very ambitious, but why is that gnat not dead?"

The Jewish Samurai just smiled and said, "Circumcision is not meant to kill."

Reply
 Message 14 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameToManyMadDogsSent: 3/3/2008 6:19 PM
The Hikers

One day, Joe, Bob and Dave were hiking in a wilderness area when they came upon a large, raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so.

Joe prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river."

Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, although he almost drowned a couple of times.

Seeing this, Dave prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools to cross this river."Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.

Bob had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools, and the intelligence, to cross this river."

Poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge.

Reply
 Message 15 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameToManyMadDogsSent: 3/11/2008 2:00 AM

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