|
|
 |
|
Reply
| |
Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up.
But then the wife stops and says, "I don' t feel like it. I just want you to hold me."
The husband says " WHAT???" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman.
The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and had her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife, We 'll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each.
And then goes to the jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet.
The husband says "but you don 't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it.'
The wife is jumping up and down. So excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says " I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register. "
The husband says, " no no no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff." The wife face goes blank.
" No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."
Her face gets really red she is about to explode and then the husband says " You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a MAN!"
|
|
 First
Previous
2-11 of 11
Next
Last
|
Reply
| |
"My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our
relationship. It's titled: 'Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.'" - Unknown |
|
Reply
| |
Husband's Great Gift A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek." |
|
Reply
| |
Two Cannibals Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.
Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Ooh dad, there's one." "No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."
Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough." "No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."
About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman.
The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."
"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."
"Why not?" asked the son.
"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother." |
|
Reply
| |
11 Signs of PMS 1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You add chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing with everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that reads, "How's my driving--call 1-800-***-****."
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
8. You're counting down the days until menopause.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
11. Three little letters (M, E, and N) send you into an uncontrollable rage.
|
|
Reply
| |
| | | "Lord, I have a problem."
"What's the problem, Eve?"
"I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."
"And why is that, Eve?"
"Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."
"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for
| you."
| | |
"Man? What is that, Lord?"
"A flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vain;
|
| | | all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But he'll be bigger, faster and
|
| | | will like to hunt and kill things. I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be as smart as you, so he will also need your advice to think properly."
"Sounds great,"
says Eve, with raised eyebrows, "but what's the catch, Lord.?"
"Well ... you can have him on one condition."
"And what's that, Lord? "
"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant and self absorbed, so you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our little secret. You know...woman-to-woman."
| |
|
Reply
| |
OMG hippymuso!!
"Our little secret. You know...woman-to-woman"
Tee Hee :D
--nh |
|
Reply
| | From:  Copnor1 | Sent: 9/7/2006 6:09 PM |
THE GAY MAN IN THE CHURCH SERVICE The church service was under way and they pasted the collection plate. When the preacher saw a $100.00 bill in the collection plate, he stop the service and announced "who ever put the $100.00 bill in the plate please stand up". A gay man stood up and said "I did". The preacher told him "since you put that money in the plate I would like to let you pick out three hymns." Excitedly, the gay guy said, "well I'll take him and him and him. |
|
Reply
| | | From: BTWGF | Sent: 2/24/2007 7:37 AM |
A horse and a rabbit are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the rabbit to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The rabbit runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. He drives the farmer’s Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking! A few days later, the rabbit and horse were playing in the meadow again and the rabbit fell into the mud hole. The rabbit yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, “I think I can stand over the hole!�?So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, “Grab for my ‘thingy�?and pull yourself up.�?And the rabbit did and pulled himself to safety. The moral of the story:
If you’re hung like a horse, you don’t need a Mercedes. 
This is why, instead of a Mercedes, I drive a 37 year old MG. |
|
|
First
Previous
2-11 of 11
Next
Last
|
|
|
Free Forum Hosting
Important Announcement
Return to Joke Goes On