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1. "You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there."
George Burns
2. "He is alive, but only in the sense that he can't be legally buried."
Geoffrey Madan
3. "A man's only as old as the woman he feels."
Groucho Marx.
4. "People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit."
George Burns
5. "I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap."
Bob Hope
6. "When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick."
George Burns
7. "I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet."
Rita Rudner.
8. "I do wish I could tell you my age but it's impossible. It keeps changing all the time."
Greer Garson.
9. "Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples."
George Burns
10. "Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate."
Woody Allen |
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An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man
seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. " I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man.
"There's no money in that account."
"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?". |
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