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Don't mourn for me now Don't mourn for me never I'm going to do nothing For ever and ever. Dave Allen Stating the words he wanted inscribed on his tombstone, quoted in God's Own Comedian by Gus Smith
I still think of myself as I was 25 years ago. Then I look in a mirror and see an old bastard and I realise it's me.
If I had a head like yours, I'd have it circumcised.
If John Major was drowning, his whole life would pass in front of him and he wouldn't be in it.
The Gestapo in drag. Dave Allen referring to the nuns who educated him |
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“My opinion is that anybody offended by breastfeeding is staring too hard�?/FONT> |
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"Am I the Irish comedian with half a finger? No, I'm the Irish comedian with nine and a half fingers."
"I don't go out of my way to be outrageous, I just go out of my way to look at things."
"I'm an Atheist...thank God."
"I've stopped smoking...I think the cost was a lot of it, and not being able to breathe. I first gave up smoking when I was eight."
"A good storyteller never lets the facts get in the way."
"We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work - and then we retire. And what do they give us? A clock."
"If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment." |
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