|
|
 |
Reply
| |
1. "It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."
Joan Rivers
2. "If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life at all."
Rodney Dangerfield
3. "Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy."
Steve Martin.
4."My girlfiend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'."
Emo Philips.
5. "When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better."
Mae West.
6. "What's wrong with a little incest? It's both handy and cheap."
James Agate
7. "I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though."
Elton John.
8. "My wife is a sex object. Evertime I ask for sex, she objects."
Les Dawson
9. "I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."
Woody Allen
10. "A terrible thing happened to me last night again - Nothing."
Phyllis Diller |
|
 First
Previous
2-4 of 4
Next
Last
|
|
Reply
| |
11. "The Love Bird is 100% faithful to his mate, as long as they are locked together in the same cage."
Will Cuppy
12. "Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night."
Woody Allen
13. "My best birth control now is to leave the lights on."
Joan Rivers
14. "It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on."
Marylyn Munroe.
15. "Oh Lord give me chastity, but do not give it yet."
St Augustine
16. "The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutang trying to play the violin."
Honore de Balzac
17. "My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty."
Woody Allen
18. "Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend's house during a power failure."
Bob Hope
19. "I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women."
Bernard Manning.
20. "I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds."
Joan Rivers |
|
Reply
| |
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
--Tom Clancy
"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
--Steve Martin
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
-- Woody Allen
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
--Rodney Dangerfield
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
--Lynn Lavner
"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist."
--Matt Barry
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
--Camille Paglia
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant."
--George Burns
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
--Sharon Stone
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading."
--Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
--Jack Nicholson
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
--Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
--Robin Williams
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
--Roseanne
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
--Billy Crystal
"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that
women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
--Robert De Niro
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So
what's the problem?"
--Dustin Hoffman
"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
--Jerry Seinfeld
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
--Rod Stewart
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
--Robin Williams |
|
Reply
| |
"Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at." -- Jimmy Demaret |
|
|
First
Previous
2-4 of 4
Next
Last
|
|
|
Free Forum Hosting
Important Announcement
Return to Quotations